Gotta Love It

Sound familiar?

Sickness Invades Our Home

I know I'm next. I just know it. Maggie and Ethan came down with a cold over the weekend and it's creeping into Brian. I know I'm next. And I'm terrified of having to care for an infant and toddler with a cold. I can hardly manage myself when ill - I have no idea how I'll deal with an infant who wants to nurse every hour and a toddler who screams demands at me all day long. And yet, I can tell it's coming. Even if I didn't feel it, it would only be a matter of time. One cannot remain healthy on only 4-5 hours of sleep at night, every night.

Sleep is getting better though. Ethan and I are mostly sleeping through most feedings. Co-sleeping has been a huge help there. Without having to get out of bed or even sit upright, it only takes a few seconds to get things going and then we both end up zonking back out fairly quickly. Yay for co-sleeping!

Ethan is growing by leaps and bounds! He's now consistently turning over from belly to back. He's doing some sort of weird army crawl where he gets up on his toes, buries his head down, and pushes himself forward. He's getting around well like this, though he can't see where he's headed. Last night he was cruising around the bed like this. I didn't know if I should laugh for the comical way he does it, or cry that he's now mobile. He can't even sit on his own, yet he's trying to get around by himself. Where has the time gone?

By the way, notice anything different? I grew weary of my old title for my blog. I can't seem to settle on a new one, though. Everything I think of has already been used. So it may change a bit until I decide upon a new name...

The Nurse-In Nobody Attended

We're still struggling with sanity here. Screaming baby, no sleep, and cranky toddler do not add up to a happy mommy. But I've been trying to get out more and it helps.

Today was a nurse-in at a local toy store. Apparently, the manager of this toy store harassed the friend of a local woman for breastfeeding in the store. The woman eventually bullied the nursing mom to finish in the back room. In the state of Connecticut, this is illegal (nevermind the fact that it's just plain wrong to interfere with a woman feeding her child). So a woman on a local Yahoo! Group half-heartedly organized a nurse-in today. I spread the word to my friends and 2 of them met me there...where nobody else was. We went off to get beverages to give people time in case they were running late. Sadly, nobody was there when we returned. So we set up on our own outside the store; 3 moms, 3 infants, 2 toddlers, and a few signs explaining the laws in our state. The braver of my friends spoke to a few passers-by and told them why we were there. Me: I was happy to be there but very nervous. I usually am very discrete when I nurse in public (NIP) and try not to make a big deal out of it. This was a big step for me!

In the end, another mama came out of the store about a half hour later and told us she had been nursing inside without any problems. A 5th mama joined us as we went inside to explain why we were there and inform the staff of the laws... upon which we learned that the manager in question is no longer employed there. The new manager and staff were, happily, supportive and understanding.

I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. On the one hand, I'm now wondering about the validity of the original poster's message on the Yahoo! Group. I don't know her personally and I certainly don't know the person who was harassed. It doesn't help that the "organizer" didn't show up, nor did she post why she wasn't there. On the other hand, we did get the word out to a few people and it's nice to hear that the shop won't be bullying nursing moms now (especially since they have the best learning toys in there!).

I'm not one to be loud and proud usually. But this is an important issue... and it's funny because my more vocal friend is so bitten by the bug that she wants to have a HUGE nurse-in at the Big E (Massachusetts does not currently have laws protecting the rights of nursing mothers and many have been harassed at the Big E for not nursing behind curtains at the "special" nursing area). I think it's a great idea... but then I wonder. I used to be bothered by women who would be so "in your face" about nursing. I never opposed it, just never saw the reason to be so vocal about it. Now I'm becoming one of those women, considering every NIP an opportunity to educate the public and make breastfeeding a common-place occurrence again. Perhaps by doing it often, it makes breastfeeding more "normal" instead of allowing others to view it as a sexual or taboo thing. And I have the wonderful opportunity to help with that, something I wasn't able to do with Maggie. It's like a chance to redeem myself.

Or maybe I'm just putting too much thought into it.

Mommyhood: The Hardest Job You'll Ever Have

The last month has been hell. Nursing strikes. Thrush. No sleep. Toddler tantrums. The list goes on and on... Which got me thinking...

Motherhood is the hardest job I'll ever have. And the only one I can't quit. I get no vacation days, no sick days, no personal time (no personal space!!), no pay (though hubby begs to differ, which I then add I am not paid what I'm worth), nobody to delegate to most of the time, no lunch break, and all this on 4 hrs of sleep a night. I feel like crud as it is ever since Ethan stopped sleeping well (he used to go 5 hrs-feed-3 hrs-feed-2 hrs-up for the day, now he goes no more than 2 hrs between feedings overnight). But add to it nursing strikes, general inconsolableness (is that a word?), Maggie wrecking the house and throwing tantrums, and I'm ready to stick my head in the oven. Not literally, but it really does wear on one. And when this is day in, day out, no rest... I start to think about how nice it would be to have only 1 (or no) kid and how I would get a full night of sleep, I could eat right, I could actually clean the house and keep up with the dishes... you get the idea.

I feel like a traitor thinking this way. Moms are supposed to be martyrs. We're supposed to give our all without complaint because that's what moms do. But I have to be honest, after spending 3 hrs this afternoon when I *thought* I would get a nap trying to console a screaming 3-month-old who wouldn't nurse, wouldn't sleep, and didn't want to do anything else, all I could think was "I want to quit!!!!"

But I can't. And I really don't want to. I just want my children to be happy. Happy kids=happy mommy! Unfortunately, it's not adding up to that these days.

And now I have guilt. This afternoon in an attempt to feed my child when he was screaming for it but wouldn't nurse, instead of taking 10 minutes to thaw a bottle of breastmilk, I made 3 oz of formula from the free stuff you get in the mail. I should have given it away as it's become too much temptation. 14 weeks of exclusive breastfeeding through some of the worst, and I gave in today. 3 oz of formula killed my streak. And now all I can do is think about how nice it would be to not nurse anymore as we've never had that ooey-gooey, oh-so-beautiful nursing relationship that so many others have. But we can't afford formula so I must continue... even if it drives me crazy...

All Smiles!

I almost forgot to post the picture! It's been too long! This is from a few weeks ago... I really am behind on taking photos but there's just no time! Now I understand why my mom basically gave up on photo albums by the time my youngest brother came around (her 4th child... I was 12 at the time).

Life in My Crazy World

Things have been a bit crazy (hence my extended absence). I don't know how other moms do it, but 2 little ones so close in age has been a huge challenge for me. Granted, I also have a broken foot. But it seems like days go by without me accomplishing anything other than being aggravated and frustrated because of the lack of progress (in fact the complete opposite of progress as Maggie destroys the house).

Case in point, yesterday I was feeling especially frazzled as Ethan fussed at the breast (again!) and I hadn't showered since Sunday so I decided to take a breather and run some hot water over me. Ahhh... water therapy. Always helps me regain my sanity. However, as I emerged from the shower, Maggie arrived at the door proudly stating, "Mommy, egg!" and presenting a slimy egg in her hand. A mostly empty egg carton was behind her on the computer chair and I could not recall how many eggs had been in it previously. It turns out Maggie thought it would be fun to smash eggs all over the living room. Including the one in her hand as when I attempted to recover it from her, she ran and hurtled it across the living room. I was horrified. Eggs had soaked into our (albeit crappy but only) couch, in several places on the wood floor... A million emotions went through me at the same time. In fact, there must have been something in the too cool way I presented the situation when I called hubby at work because he actually came home early from work to help out.

This morning? Not much better. Maggie removed her diaper at some point and decided to deposit a pile of fecal matter on the floor of her bedroom near her changing table (does she get bonus points for trying to get to the changing table???), peed all over the floor like she had run around while in progress, and a lovely poopy handprint on her diaper pail. Thankfully, I was busy with Ethan when hubby discovered this as I don't think I could have handled it in light of recent events.

I hope I survive "terrible 2s" ...

At least the kids are thriving. At Maggie's appointment in early July she was weighed in at 38 lbs and is 38 inches tall. Ethan, as of Thursday, August 2nd, is 25 inches tall and over 16 lbs.

I've been dealing with a lovely (thankfully mild) case of thrush. Ethan's case is, fortunately, quite mild. We're trying Threelac to get our bodies back in balance but it will take some time. Tomorrow will be 10 weeks I've been breastfeeding and I'm trying my hardest to get to my next goal of 3 months. It's difficult though. Lately, Ethan has been screaming at the breast probably half the time (possibly from the thrush) and it's quite nerve-wracking. When all your baby wants to do is eat, and you do what you can to fulfill that need only to have him push you away and scream, it's hard to not be affected.

Priceless

Midwifery Care (covering the last 13 weeks of pregnancy plus postnatal care): $2900
Birthing Center and Hospital Stay: $2694
Having our gorgeous little boy come into our lives: PRICELESS

Fortunately, we're only responsible for 20% (after adjustments) of the charges. But that still came to $1071.54 - whereas it only cost us $100 to have Margaret, and that was with an induction and hospital stay lasting Tuesday night to Saturday afternoon (the original cost of hers before adjustments and insurance's payment was over $11,000!).

I can't believe Ethan is 4 weeks old already. He's changed so much in that time, and yet it doesn't seem possible that so much time has passed. He's much more content than Maggie was. Sleeps well most nights, waking ever 2-3 hours for feedings (which are usually no more than 15 minutes each). Rarely cries, and when he does, it doesn't last long. He's smiling. He's strong, holding his head high already. He's rolled over from front to back a few times. As long as he isn't shooting poop across the changing table or bed during diaper changes, he's a joy. :)

My foot is slowly healing. I had another round of x-rays today and while they don't show much healing yet, it feels much better and I've regained most of the motion in my foot at a pain-free level. I go back in 3 weeks for more x-rays and (hopefully) the permanent removal of the walking boot. They have another cast-like thing in store for me but it's supposed to be smaller. (I shudder to think what all that is costing me!!!)

Complications

Just when I thought it was too hard, it got harder.

Monday I fell down the outside steps to our porch. I had Ethan on my front in a ring sling and my left ankle gave out. So as not to land on Ethan, I twisted and ended up breaking the 5th metatarsal on my foot. I was in denial though. Even though it hurt like hell, I didn't do anything about it Monday other than try to ice it and keep it elevated. Tuesday morning it still hurt so I agreed to go the ER. I was not happy with the results.

So now I have a special boot I have to wear (they would have casted it but I told them I couldn't stay off my foot), I'm supposed to use crutches (not an easy task in a small apartment and while chasing a 2 year old or caring for a newborn), and I was told it would be 3-5 months before it will heal completely. Great. Just Great.

At least I didn't fall on Ethan.

So tomorrow is my baby girl's 2nd birthday. And instead of taking her to a local farm like I planned, I'll probably be sitting home with Ethan while hubby celebrates with her. As well as many other things I'll miss out on this summer because of this stupid fracture. Did I mention this all happened because Maggie refused to bring in her water bottle from the bottom step? I know it's not her fault, but I'm still ticked off that it wouldn't have happened if she had brought that water bottle in. And then I wouldn't be stuck on the couch instead of playing with her.

I know... woe is me...

Adjusting

One of hubby's friends has a saying he loves sharing: "One is one; two is twenty." He's been saying this ever since I got pregnant with Ethan (though I liked reminding him that sometimes, one is twenty... at least in the case of Maggie it is!). In all seriousness, though, two is a lot more challenging. We knew it would be. It doesn't help that I'm still in pain where I tore so I have to take it easy, and I'm not supposed to be picking up Maggie yet (though I did twice accidentally and paid the price).

Maggie seems to like her little brother though. She will sometimes call him by name ("Baby Ethan") though usually he's just "Baby". She pats his head when she walks by. She covers him with blankets even when it's 80 degrees so he'll be warm. She wants to help and she wants to hold him. This is good, right?

But it seems she doesn't want me anymore. Whenever she wants something or needs someone, she calls out for Daddy. Daddy is going back to work tomorrow and we're not sure what that impact will be on her (though fortunately my sister will be helping out the rest of this week). It seems she has abandoned me. Or maybe she feels I've abandoned her? With Ethan in my arms most of my waking hours, it may appear to her that there's no room for her anymore...especially since I can't pick her up and it hurts to have her sit on my lap. My MIL warned me that she would not take out any concerns about the change in our family on Ethan but would on us, but I wasn't expecting her to change to a Daddy's girl so quickly and exclusively. It really makes me sad.

She did have one victory tonight. We've been watching the Elmo potty tape for a while now in hopes that it will spark an interest in using the potty again (since she hasn't in months now). Tonight she was calling out long after bedtime "poo poo" (which usually is an excuse to stay up later through a diaper change). Hubby checked on her and decided to let her sit on the potty... and she peed (a lot!) right away! Yay for Maggie!!!

Quick Birth Story

I woke at 1AM Sunday with strong contractions that were stopping me in my tracks. They were 7 min apart. Knowing that it could be a while still, I let Brian sleep and worked my way through on my own. By 3AM, they were getting closer together so I woke Brian. He started to get everything together as I continued to work my way through, standing the entire time as no other position was comfortable. I didn't want to head to the birth center too early so we waited as long as possible (plus I felt bad about waking the midwife early on Sunday morning). By 5:30AM I had contractions that were 4-5 min apart for at least 2 hrs, so we called. We were to meet the midwife at the birth center within 45 minutes or so.

I think I hit transition in the car. It was uncomfortable to be sitting anyway, but then the contractions started to come every 2-3 minutes and they were extremely painful. I vocalized the whole way to the hospital, which I'm sure freaked out Brian.

Once we got to the birth center, our midwife wasn't there yet. They had us go to the maternity side, where they hooked me up to monitors to check on my contrax and baby's heart rate. I remember looking at the clock at 7AM saying "It's already 7?". The midwife arrived shortly after that. When she checked me, I was 8cm dilated and fully effaced (after not really being dilated or effaced less than 24 hrs before). They rushed me to the birth center.

In the birth center, I labored in the tub very briefly. It didn't work out, as disappointing as that is to admit... the tub was blissful while it lasted. It was quick after that, though. My midwife told me not to hold back if I felt like pushing and the next thing I knew, Ethan was on the way!

As much as I didn't want to deliver that way, I ended up on my back on the bed with maternity nurses (as the birth center nurse wasn't there yet) assisting. One of them kept telling me that I had to pull on my legs, hold my breath, push hard and keep quiet or it wouldn't be effective. I wanted to kick her in the teeth, and I did tell her no at one point.

I tore badly. I guess the OB who did my episiotomy with Maggie (against my wishes) sewed it up too tightly and there was no give. The midwife had a hard time after the birth figuring out where the damage was to repair as I also lost a lot of blood.

But in any case, Ethan joined us at 7:32AM on Sunday. We thought he looked really small and were surprised to learn that he was 9 lbs 3 oz and 21 inches long. Only 1 oz heavier and 1/2 inch longer than Maggie at birth!

...

Ethan will be our last. I know that's easy to say right after birth (my family was teasing me for saying that) but I had a difficult pregnancy emotionally and I honestly do not want to go through birth again. Babies are wonderful, but I feel our family is now complete. Brian totally agrees.

Welcome Ethan David!

Sorry for the cryptic message before... I had to send an email from my cell phone and it did not go well.

We just got home and are trying to rest .... story will come.

born

ethan.david.7 :32am.9lbs.3oz.21

Coming Soon?

Today could be the day...

I've been up since 1AM now with strong contractions every 7 minutes. Trying to rest in between but it's been difficult. I have no idea how long this could go on, but it certainly seems like Sprout will be joining us soon.

Trip #1

We had a bit of a scare this morning. Just as we were getting ready to head out for a day of finishing things up, I discovered I was bleeding. Bright, red blood. I thought to myself first that it may be what's termed "bloody show"... but then I remembered being told to call the midwives if I have bright red bleeding. So when I was still bleeding 10 minutes later, I called and was advised to meet the midwife at the Emergency Room.

Not wanting to get everyone all worked up, but also wanting to be sure someone was there to take care of Margaret, we had a bit of a difficult time getting in touch with family. My MIL is the one who is supposed to care for Maggie when I'm in labor... but she refuses to have a cell phone. She wasn't home. Hubby tried my SIL next (she lives with MIL) but got no answer on her cell phone. I called my sister and found she currently had no transportation. My mom was last, but I didn't want to get her in a tizzy so I just explained what was going on and she offered to come get Margaret if we didn't hear back from MIL. Finally when we arrived at the hospital, hubby was able to reach his sister, who agreed to come down and get Maggie.

My trip through the ER was swift... I guess there was no one to do admission in maternity so that's why they sent me through there. I was whisked away up to the maternity floor in a wheelchair, feeling rather foolish. Also a bit perturbed since this was not the natural birth in the hospital's birth center that I was planning.

Once in the room, I was hooked up to the monitors to check contractions and fetal heartrate. My midwife came in and asked when I last ate - apparently the baby wasn't responsive enough (and I hadn't eaten breakfast yet at that point). She brought me some ginger ale and cranberry juice and then I was left to the mercy of the monitoring equipment.

Maggie was AWESOME while we were there. I brought her labor activity bag and she happily colored in the rocking chair or played with the baggie of hospital-issue socks that I never got on my feet.

I'm not sure how much time passed but the midwife returned to say that the baby looked good on the monitor and that I was having contractions but they were weak and infrequent (which I had already told her before that I wasn't having regular contractions). She did an internal and determined that the bleeding must be bloody show. My cervix was barely dilated and I was only somewhat effaced, so I definitely wasn't in labor. There was concern before I got there of a placental problem, but she felt the bleeding I was experiencing was normal.

Discharged...just as SIL showed up. LOL, it figures! In any case, I was advised to rest and walk (not sure how you can do both...LOL!). MIL did get in touch with us and asked to take Maggie for the weekend so she is now out of the house. I did some walking this afternoon and now I'm going to rest...

One of my friends seems sure that I will go into labor tonight or tomorrow. We shall see! I feel like such a dope though... Never had any of this with Maggie and it was so not "textbook" so I wanted to be sure there wasn't a problem. At least I still have a chance of the natural birth I was planning, though!

Gotta Love It!

I was so excited to see that ticker hit 40 weeks that I stopped on here during a middle of the night potty break... only to discover that snugglepie.com apparently thinks that 40 weeks is "overdue". LOL!

Oh well... any day now.

No Further Enlightenment

I had my "40 week" midwife appointment today. No weight change in the last week so I'm holding steady at 30 lbs gained. Blood pressure is good. Belly measures right on target for 40 weeks.

The good news is that it appears that Sprout is no longer posterior!!!! YAY! The heartbeat was strong and LOUD which indicates an anterior position (versus far-away and difficult to find, which is what we heard in the past). Woohoo! I still have to keep leaning forward as much as I can to keep him/her from going back to posterior (and it can certainly change during labor, too) but this is a good start!

We talked about what comes next. My next appointment is June 1st and if I haven't had Sprout by then, we will begin discussing NST and checking amnio fluid levels. In the meantime, she wanted me to keep up with the natural attempts at induction to do whatever I can to help move things along.

There was one small problem. We discussed the GBS thing again and I repeated that I do not want antibiotics and that the pediatrician on-call for them said they would then want me to stay for observation for 24 hours, which I will do. According to this midwife, the observation period is 48 hours - I DO NOT want to be stuck there for the first 2 days of my child's life. Especially for something that is unlikely to be a problem, and if it is, we would know within the first 24 hours. I agreed to 24 hours because a typical birth center stay is 12 hours... what's 12 more, you know? But 48 hours... don't want to do it. It's more money out of our pockets, it's increasing the likelihood of coming home with an illness (because hospitals are the best places to get sick, and we would be transferred to the hospital from the birth center for the stay), and it's putting our new lives on hold. If I leave before their recommended period of observation is up, I have to sign an AMA form (I think that's the name of it?) saying I'm leaving against their medical recommendations... and in some cases, that means insurance will refuse to pay if there is a problem down the road.

Not too happy about this being sprung on me...

One More Day

I don't know why I'm getting so hung up on an arbitrary number, but there's only 1 day left now until my due date.

...and to add a lovely twist, hubby is now sick. My only support person (as we could not afford a doula and I don't feel comfortable with anyone else in the room) and he's ill. At this point, I don't want him anywhere near the baby... which means if I go into labor before he recovers, things are going to get really interesting. I'm not normally a germaphobe but come on - I can't have him blowing his nose constantly in the birthing center while I'm trying to bring a new life into the world.

SIGH.

Stripper Maggie has been practicing her moves. She's getting quicker and more adept at removing her clothes. I've taken to putting her diapers on backwards during the day and we actually put duct tape on her night diaper tonight. Does that make me a bad parent? Hopefully she can keep her clothes on through my midwife appointment later today.

Dawn of a Better Day

Goodness, I hope so! The combination of preggo hormonal mood swings, Maggie's refusal to sleep (and therefore crankiness), and her testing of every boundary possible has not been good for us. It appears she has awakened in a better mood today and I hope it lasts... Not only did she wear me out yesterday, but she got to hubby, too, in the few short hours they spent together. Thankfully, he did rescue me for some time so I could calm down (and I put to good use the Cold Stone Creamery gift card we got from MIL for our anniversary after she went to sleep finally... gotta love Cold Stone to go!).

I awoke at about 3:30AM with bad back pain this morning and some crampiness. It very likely was contractions, but they were nothing severe. I laid down in child's pose on top of my pillow (to support the belly) and was able to fall back asleep. Hubby asked this morning if he should stay home, but it doesn't look like Sprout is eager to show him/herself today. (Because I'd know by now if anything were going to happen today, right?)

That brings up an interesting point. Since I did not go into natural labor with Maggie, I'm not even sure what to expect. I know there are the signs I'm supposed to be looking for: bloody show/loss of mucus plug, contractions that are 5 min apart for at least 2 hours, sometimes loose stools can be an indicator... But do these have to happen? Like will I definitely lose the mucus plug first? Will my body definitely decide it wants to clean itself out before labor? Obviously I will have contractions eventually... but it just seems like there would be some sort of warning. Not like in the movies where the lead actress' water breaks and they're on a mad dash to the hospital to have the baby before it pops out in the car. Heck, water doesn't even have to break to have a baby, so I know that isn't a sign I can depend upon either. I feel like such a newbie at this!

Alright, Get Me The Duct Tape!

We have a stripper on our hands!

Yesterday while I was catching up at the computer, I heard a crash from the living room. Upon inspection, I discovered Miss Maggie in all her naked glory standing in front of the TV. I guess she had enough of her clothes and diaper.

Last night when hubby checked on her to find out why she was still awake 1.5 hrs after putting her to bed, he again discovered her naked (though at least still in a diaper).

Well, this morning I found her buck naked...and sleeping in a puddle of pee. Ugh! This kid needs her clothes duct taped on!!! What a mess to try to clean up this morning, especially since she kept trying to play on her bed as I was stripping and airing it. Sigh.

...I smell a ripe diaper... thank goodness she still has a diaper on for this!

Waiting

Well, we have no closet ceiling in our bathroom anymore... and the problem still isn't fixed. The handyman is now waiting for the landlord to get the part for him, then he will call us to set up a time to fix it. I guess the drain to the bathtub above us is broken. So there's no ceiling, water is still leaking, I have to wait for him to fix it and then he'll have to replace the closet sheetrock as well as some of the sheetrock over our tub (which that is only a few years old... we redid the ceiling before we sold the house), and in the meantime I have all the closet stuff displaced throughout the house (including a good deal of it in our already cramped 9'x10' bedroom). SIGH. Guess Sprout needs to hold out a bit longer... When he asked me when would be a good time to come fix it, I had to tell him that I have no idea... I could go into labor at any time. He looked like he didn't believe me. Guess he was of the opinion that I'm excessively fat instead of pregnant.

I think Sprout rotated last night. I was trying my best to lie as close to on my stomach as possible (as recommended to help with posterior babies) and s/he was moving like mad most of the night! I'm not in as much pain today either. Regardless, Sprout can't come yet so s/he better be planning on at least a few more days' stay in the womb!

I CANNOT Go Into Labor...

I need some NO LABOR vibes for the next 48 hours. The landlord's handyman is FINALLY coming tomorrow to rip apart the closet. I'm less than thrilled about this as it is (just what I need...sheetrock dust everywhere with Maggie and I having asthma and me being pregnant) but I'm really sick of the water coming through the closet. Hopefully they can get it all fixed in time since it will be really tough without the toilet tomorrow, as well as the shower for early labor pain management if I go into labor. I better not! I don't even want to think about the mess that will be my bathroom after this, not to mention the fact that I have to displace everything in this closet (5 deep shelves) while this is being done. The timing couldn't be worse.

The Prediction I Never Posted

We predict your baby will be born 3-7 days before your due date. Your baby will most likely be born in the morning. Justmommies predicts that your baby will weigh approximately 8.7 pounds and that your labor will be about 12 hours long.

This came from http://www.justmommies.com/quizzes/labor_prediction_quiz.php on May 2, 2007 but I never posted it here.

Interesting... I'm in the middle of the predicted time period that Sprout should come, and Sprout was estimated at 8.5 lbs on Friday. Sprout's head has definitely moved since Friday, too, since I'm now waddling (I was not before), having pelvic pain, and am generally uncomfortable.

Brian wants Sprout to come on a weekday so he can have the excitement of leaving work early. ::roll eyes:: But I've already told him that probably wouldn't happen because I would want to be so sure that I really was in labor that I'd probably wait until he arrived home anyway. That's what my mom did with my sister (her 2nd child). My father was (and still is) a route driver and was not easily reached during the work day so she just sat in the kitchen all day with nearly 4 year old me running around, waiting for dad to come home from work.

In any case, a few stronger contractions last night but they went away when I went to sleep. I've been spending a lot of time with my knees lower than my hips, and my belly as low as possible. It's not that comfortable, especially riding with your back end propped up in the car so you can be as upright as possible. I spent 2.5 hours in the car that way yesterday and I felt like poop by the time I got home. But if it means a less painful labor and delivery and an easier entry into this world for Sprout, then it's worth it.

Occiput Posterior

I had a midwife appointment yesterday. Mostly just the usual stuff - pee in a cup, get weighed (I've gained about 30 lbs now), blood pressure, measure the belly, and listen to the heartbeat. The midwife did ask me if I felt differently this time around and I do - I've been pretty comfortable, very little swelling (only when it's hot), and little pain. The pain I have had goes away pretty quickly. That, combined with where they've been finding the heartbeat and the fact that it doesn't feel like Sprout has dropped (plus feeling my belly) has led them to the conclusion that Sprout is Occiput Posterior. At least s/he is head down, right?

So now I'm supposed to crawl around as much as possible and walk. Crawling on wood floors HURTS though so I've been doing a lot of child's pose from yoga, kneeling and leaning over pillows, that sort of stuff. I don't know if it's helping (it's only been about 24 hrs) but it feels like Sprout is lower today... I'm having pelvic pain and I haven't had that in weeks.

Otherwise, we're still waiting. 6 days until my due date! My next appointment is Thursday and I'm still hoping I'll be in labor before then.

Adventures In Natural Induction

I know. All in due time. It's not up to me as to when Sprout should arrive. But that doesn't mean I can't do things to try to help my body move in the right direction, right? :)

So today I had 2500mg Evening Primrose Oil, we actually DTD (in spite of my being as big as a whale right now!), and I tried out my breast pump for a good 30 minutes of stimulation.

What did that get me? A couple contractions, and that's it. The EPO isn't supposed to help with contractions (or DTD, actually) - it's supposed to help thin and shorten the cervix. And without that being checked by someone who knows what they're doing, there's no way to tell if there has been an improvement. Especially since I haven't been checked yet in this pregnancy - and I'm not pushing for it. You can walk around for weeks dilated at 3cm and being partly effaced and it still makes no difference. Your body will do what it wants to do when it's ready. So rather than add to the stress, I have not asked for any internals to find out that status. But you know what? I'm driving myself crazy anyway. ;)

Maybe it just takes a little longer than a half hour to see a difference? LOL! Wait and see...

Monster Belly!

How much bigger will it get before Sprout finally arrives? At this point with Maggie, I was less than 7 hours away from delivery... no signs of labor today though, in spite of the massive thunderstorms that swept through the area this evening.

What the heck?

What am I doing up at this hour, you may be asking yourself. I'm not in labor, that much I can tell you.

Just can't sleep. I think I will have a hard time with post-partum depression this time, seeing as I'm having issues already with depression. Yesterday was actually better as far as Maggie was concerned, but now hubby is adding to the mix with the grief he's giving me over our expenses. I hate payday, I hate having to ask him for money when I used to make my own, and I hate that he gives me grief over it even though he has enough to pay the difference. Especially since we discussed all of this before I went on maternity leave from my business.

So, now my mind is full thinking about getting a part-time job at night. How many hours I need, how much money I need to make, all that good stuff. Sleep... no time for that. Just need to pay the bills, get the groceries, and keep the car full of gas. Doesn't matter that a SAHM is estimated to already be working 90+ hours a week.

I knew this would happen... And yet, I'm still upset. While Maggie and I don't always see eye-to-eye, I was really enjoying my job as full-time mom. It makes me sad that some of that will be sacrificed in the pursuit of the almighty dollar. But alas, I have no choice...

Reminiscing

38 weeks 4 days today.

At this exact point in my pregnancy with Margaret, I was being admitted to H Hospital for my induction. The first round of Pitocin would be starting around 10PM... and after 31 hours, 2 rounds of Pitocin, breaking my water, an internal monitor, and an epidural at 26 hrs, Margaret came into the world. 5AM June 16, 2005 when I was 38 weeks 6 days pregnant.

It's hard to just sit here and wait this time. No contractions to speak of for days now. No signs of the mucus plug. Sprout still feels pretty high up (not the bowling ball between the legs feeling that I had before Margaret's induction, even!). In fact, aside from the fact that I have a huge belly in the way, I don't even feel pregnant. There's the occasional jab or somersault from the womb, but nothing of the discomfort I had felt in the weeks leading up to my induction with Margaret. It's really quite strange.

So who knows when this kiddo will arrive... Murphy's Law would lean toward this weekend (as MIL is away and she is the one who's supposed to watch Margaret while I have this baby) or May 27, as my family will be on the other side of the state at my cousin's wedding. All I know is, it won't be today.

Can we just skip this next year?

Mother's Day. It's just a holiday created by greeting card companies, right? I think I'm skipping it next year.

Hubby was nice enough to try to let me sleep in, especially since I was up 5 or 6 times last night to pee. He even did a little art project with Maggie, who waited outside the bathroom door when I did get up clutching a card she and her daddy made. But it went downhill from there.

Maggie was, again, cranky. The girl does not sleep enough, doesn't matter if we put her to bed earlier, later, routine or none, she won't sleep. The screaming fits started early so I suggested going to the local nature preserve for a walk. This was the same place where hubby took pregnancy portraits of me when I was 37 weeks 2 days preggo with Maggie. I thought it would be a nice place to go and get some fresh air, maybe get a few pictures of Maggie and me together since we have so few (I'm usually behind the camera lens).

Well, Maggie didn't want to hold my hand. She didn't want me to sit on her bench. She didn't want to hug me. She didn't want me anywhere near her. She even hit me with a stick. It hurt. My feelings, that is. I know she's not being intentionally malicious, but on a day that's supposed to have such significance, it hurt that my of-late clingy toddler wanted only to push me away with a scowl on her face.

As hubby was loading her back in the car, I saw another small family with a young boy around Maggie's age. He was cuddling with his mom, sharing kisses and smiles. I cried.

After that, we went out to eat at Bertucci's. Nothing fancy, but the crankies continued. We hoped she would nap afterwards so we put her in the stroller and walked around the shops. No nap. Though at least she wasn't whining and screaming at the time.

Bought a baby names book from Borders because (yes, it's sad, I know) we still haven't discussed names for Sprout. Then went for a nice Sunday ride. Except she screamed most of the time in the car. And threw things. Then wanted them back. Then threw them again. Screamed some more. All the while, hubby keeps telling me, "There's a reason why they call it terrible 2s." That doesn't help, just makes me feel like a bad person for being upset by it.

At one point, I had had enough rejection and actually asked to get out of the car to walk home. I think we were 10 miles from home.

At the gas station 1 mile from home, hubby tried to take Maggie (to walk home) and leave me the car. I think he meant well, but he was angry with me and kept yelling at me when I said they were not leaving me there at the gas station and that I refused to drive home.

We got home, hubby dumped our stuff inside, then immediately left with Maggie to go for a walk. He said it was to give me a break but he had not been talking very nicely to me and I spent the next 20 minutes bawling. I felt abandoned, rejected, hated, unloved. All on Mother's Day. I didn't want to exist.

Hubby returned and we tried to talk it out... all the while, Maggie was destroying the apartment. And screaming. At least I stopped crying. I tried rocking her to sleep, but she wanted nothing to do with it, in spite of how tired she was. Eventually, we just tried putting her to bed early. Only, she used that as an excuse to destroy her bedroom. I retired to our bedroom on the other side of the house because I couldn't listen to her not sleep when she needs it so much.

An hour and a half later, she finally was asleep. And her room was completely ransacked. I opened the door, saw the mess, and left. I can't deal with it now.

Preggo hormones? I don't know. But it was not a fun day. And I'm not looking forward to yet another day of screaming and whining tomorrow. I don't care if it is normal... there's only so much of that a person can take.

I'm skipping Mother's Day next year.

I Need To Run Away

Far away.

I'm tired of having a toddler who refuses to nap, refuses to sleep a full night, and then takes it out on me.

I'm tired of being screamed at, ignored, and outright disregarded.

I'm tired of having my house ripped apart, of having to say the same rules over and over and over and over and over and over again, knowing I won't be listened to.

I'm tired of paying the price when I didn't do anything wrong.

I'm tired of this crappy apartment with no room, windows I can't open because the neighbors smoke, water coming through my bathroom closet for 3 months now with nobody coming to fix it (even though I was told 2 times it was fixed, and a 3rd time that someone would be coming to fix it), and now waste water leaking in the basement with nobody giving a crap to even do anything about it.

I'm tired. I'm achy. I'm crampy. I'm hot. I'm nauseous. I've had enough.

I was fine 3 days ago.

I want to get away. Far away. For days. Maybe weeks. How about a month? Can I do that? Just to reclaim my sanity? Please?

Thunder...

A thunderstorm is on the horizon. I can hear it coming. As a child, I always thought it was cool to watch the lightning safely from my bedroom window with my dad. But I've never enjoyed those thunderstorms that wake you in the middle of the night. They still frighten me.

I read recently that big changes in barometric pressure can bring on labor. I guess we shall see.

38 weeks 0 days. Some crampy contractions, but nothing to write home about. It felt like Sprout had dropped a little yesterday, but I'm not feeling that pressure today. Though I have heard that it's possible for a 2nd baby to not drop until labor itself.

Of course, we still have no names picked out. NONE. Not even a list to pick from. So maybe I shouldn't be in a hurry to get this kiddo out.

Attention!

I think Sprout has dropped some! I have a lot more pressure/pain in my pubic/bladder region (and it's not pain of having to pee). My lower back is also achy. I think Sprout is sitting lower, and s/he was already head down as of my last appointment.

No signs of labor, but this is a development.

So Much For Lazy Days...

I meant to take it easy yesterday. Honestly. Then the front porch started calling to me...

You see, we live in a small apartment (700sq ft) at a house with no yard to play in (the other tenants park on the back lawn). There's a little bit of side and front lawn, but it slopes drastically and quickly. Though we do have a lovely Japanese Maple on the side of our house. So we used to have seats on our front porch to enjoy the outdoors... something that has been neglected since the year Maggie was born. Last year the owner was supposed to paint the house and we had to remove everything from the porch... the house never was painted. So now I'm moving it all back.

It started with the heavy potting bench. It used to be part of our kitchen (very little counter space) before Maggie was born. Now, that space is occupied by our desk and computer so the potting bench has sat on the front porch until we could find a permanent place for it or we move. I decided to move it from one end of the porch to the other. It should have fit where I wanted it... except our air conditioner was in the way and I couldn't make the swing. So I had to push it all the way back to where I started.

Then there's the metal frame bench. It's old... really old. Something we got for free that I repainted a few years ago. But it's also something that requires cushions to utilize it, and the cushions never seem to last more than one season. Last year, it sat on the lawn, empty and unused while we waited for the house to be painted. I moved it back on the porch.

Then the plans started... hanging planters with flowers, flowers to put on the potting bench, cushions or a new bench for seating, and a gate to keep Maggie contained while we're out there.

So we started at the greenhouses. UGH. Pregnant women do not belong in greenhouses in 85 degree weather. Maggie rather enjoyed it, but I was wilting fast. I was also not willing to pay $20+ for each hanging basket since I will admit to having a sort of brown thumb. We ended up at WalMart (as much as I HATE that store!!!!) where I found 2 hanging baskets of peach Gerber Daisies for $10 each, plus some gorgeous begonias to put on the potting bench. I also found a plastic bench there but I didn't buy it because there wasn't enough room in the Blazer to bring it home, now that there are 2 carseats in there.

Got home, hung the plants... realized I forgot about looking for the gate.

Went back out last night (instead of going to bellydancing) to KMart and found $25-$35 cushions for the bench (I need 2 and I won't pay that much), no bench alternatives that are affordable, and no gate. I think the kind of gate I'm envisioning is something that's probably no longer in production (accordian style... needs to cover about 79" opening but easily be removed for the mailman to get on the porch).

In any case, I'm losing interest fast in my plans for the porch given the limited budget I have. I would so love a wicker loveseat style bench out there but I definitely can't afford that. And all of this is reliant upon a gate... can't hang out with Sprout on the bench and have Maggie loose in the front yard - our street is way too busy for me to have to worry about her running out into the road.

SIGH.

In any case, I'm going to take it a little easier today. My sister was actually appalled that I was moving furniture yesterday, claiming Sprout's going to just pop right out. If only it were that easy, I'd rearrange the entire apartment.

Lazy Summer Days

Woke up feeling crampy at 1:30AM (pee break). And again when I got up this morning. Reluctantly got up, that is. I'm very tired and feeling very lazy. The sun is shining and it's supposed to be 84 degrees today, but all I feel like doing is crawling back into bed and being left alone. Did I mention I'm cranky, too?

It's a little strange to feel this way. I've been feeling pretty good during the last couple of weeks, something unexpected at this stage of pregnancy considering how I felt last time around. So this laziness is making me a little crazy, too. Like the dishes piled up in the pantry... I don't want them piled up, but I don't feel like standing there washing them either. Or the mess of toys all over the house. You know, the stuff that gets picked up every night, only to end up thrown about the house in record time again the next morning. I'm feeling pretty defeated about picking it all up these days.

In any case, I really should get my butt in gear. I hurt more when I sit for too long... So off I go!

It Works!

Just did a test to be sure I can email a post from my cell phone. It's a little tedious, but this way I can share the news faster when Sprout is born! :)

Midwife appointment today. Pretty unexciting. Belly measures right where it should be, heart was beating. We discussed natural things I can do now to help labor along (which, of course, only work if the body is ready... they won't bring labor on but they should help keep me from going over the 42 week mark, which is my deadline). It was a little weird having a woman I barely know tell me that I should have intercourse or stimulate my nipples, but it's not like I wasn't already aware of these methods of natural induction. She did advise me to increase my evening primrose oil intake from 1000mg to 1500mg, inserting 1 or 2 of the gelcaps vaginally to really help things along. And walk. Just what every huge pregnant woman who is already chasing a toddler all day feels like doing, right? Oh yeah, and drink Red Raspberry Leaf tea. I have the stuff. In fact, I have a great pregnancy tea blend, too. But I don't like the way it tastes so I never drink it. Guess I should get on that.

In any case, my next appointment is next Friday at the 39 weeks mark. That will be new territory for me since I gave birth to Margaret at 38 weeks 6 days (induction was started at 38 weeks 4 days).

test

testing.

Moving In The Right Direction

Last night, I started having some crampy-feeling contractions. Things are moving along! I'm not in labor yet, not by far... at least, I don't think so. I never really got this far with Maggie. I don't think I had any crampy contractions before her birth, just some of the usual pain-free Braxton Hicks variety (and those only in the days leading up to her induction). But there's no regularity, and they go away when I lie down on my side, so this must just be practice. Exciting! But still not time yet...

Because I'm A Super Dork

Your Language Arts Grade: 100%

Way to go! You know not to trust the MS Grammar Check and you know "no" from "know." Now, go forth and spread the good word (or at least, the proper use of apostrophes).

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Refreshing My Memory

I spent some time during the last 24 hours reading back to the days leading up to, as well as the first month after, Maggie's birth. I had forgotten a lot. The complete lack of sleep for the first few weeks. The extreme of the psychological turmoil I suffered. The constant poopy diapers. LOL! I was also reminded that it was on May 25, 2005 that we lost my great-grandmother. I had completely forgotten the date and had no idea the irony involved in that being my due date this time.

In any case, it was good to go back and refresh my memory. Made me realize just how far we really have come since Maggie was born, as well as remind me of what's to come in very short time.

19 days to go per my ticker, but we all know babies come on their own timelines.

Random Thoughts from a Random Brain

As long as I deliver within the next 5 weeks, I can now use the birth center. Exciting, eh? I still don't feel a kinship with my midwives, though... I half-jokingly keep saying I'm just going to stay home. Hey, you know, if the baby comes too fast, there's nothing to be done about that, right? Sigh.

In any case, we're "physically" ready. Baby clothes are washed and put away. Snugtuck pillow is installed for co-sleeping. Arms Reach mini co-sleeper is also set up (as a changing station in our room). I have my breast pump (though I haven't opened it yet) and a couple glass bottles, just in case. My bag is mostly packed. I met with our pediatrician today and completed the last of the paperwork required by the birth center. I have my post-partum supplies. I stocked up the pantry a bit...

But I'm not ready mentally or emotionally. I need another week or two. I don't want to be induced, so I'd rather not get close to 42 weeks. But I'm only 37 weeks today... I still have time.

I'm a little annoyed right now. Some of you may already be familiar with my baby carrier addiction. In the past, I never worried about buying new carriers to try because I was able to resell the ones I didn't like for very little loss in value. But lately, I can't seem to sell anything. I buy something new, it doesn't work for me (or I just don't like the way it looks upon arrival) and I get stuck with it because I can't seem to resell it in the normal networks that I use. So now I'm out money and stuck with something I don't like. :( It's very frustrating! Or on the flip side of that, I have *1* carrier that is HTF because they are not made anymore. People are clamoring to buy them, they're selling for 2-4x as much as I paid, and there are all sorts of wonderful offers of trades of currently available carriers that I would like to try but can't afford. However, even though I swore I would never part with mine, I offered it up to 3 different mamas (2 who were looking to trade for one of them, 1 who wanted to buy and I gave her a VERY fair price, considering market value) - NONE of them wanted it. :( Combine that with preggo hormones and you get a pscyho mama who feels the world is out to get her. There apparently are no guarantees in life.

I have a confession: I skipped my bellydancing class this week. I really didn't feel like going and I needed to get to the grocery store, so I went there instead. Good thing, too - I was exhausted afterwards and it took me 1.5 hours just to get through the typical shopping trip. I'll go next week, I promise!

Maggie and I went to a lovely park playgroup yesterday. It's a 45 minute drive but it's worth it to hang out with like-minded mamas and their kiddos. She had a blast! We were there for nearly 4 hours and she played almost the entire time, only stopping for a few moments at a time for a snack. This is a weekly get-together that I would very much like to participate in frequently but with the recent hike in gas prices, I'm not sure how often we can afford to go. What a shame.

Supplements

I swear, I take more supplements than food!

• Rainbow Light prenatal vitamin/mineral - 1/day
• Nettle Leaf - 950mg/day
• Green Pastures Cod Liver Oil - 2 capsules/day
• HMF Forte (probiotic) - 1 capsule/day
• Grapefruit Seed Extract - 7 drops/day
• Vitamin K Tonic - 3 dropperfuls/day
• Evening Primrose Oil (started this week) - 1 capsule/day (will increase weekly)
  
• 1 clove garlic/day swallowed whole with milk
• Apple Cider Vinegar - 1 Tbsp/day

The last (ACV) was added after my midwife appointment on Monday to help with the GBS. All I can say is YUCK! Even adding the 1 Tbsp to a full glass of water, it still tastes awful! Not that the Vitamin K tincture tastes all that great, seeing as it's preserved in a grain alcohol mixture, but at least it's not a lingering taste. I take the ACV first, then Vitamin K, then finish up with Grapefruit Seed Extract (which is quite bitter) in a little bit of orange juice, and I can still taste the ACV afterwards.

But it's worth it... it's all for the health of our baby.

Results Are In...

....GBS+ again. So I won't be discharged early after all. I'm a bit disappointed. I'm not fond of the maternity wing of this hospital (which is where I would have to be transferred after birth in order to have a "normal" stay) and I hated feeling like I was trapped last time. I felt like my life was on hold until we were able to escape those doors... Plus hospitals are terrible places to stay. You're more likely to get sick there than anywhere else! But I agreed to stay for observation if I was GBS+ in lieu of receiving prophylactic antibiotics. End of story. I just have to live with it now.

A man following me around in Michaels Arts & Crafts yesterday was making me really nervous. I would intentionally skip aisles, only to have him skip them, too, and end up in the same one. Finally, I reached an aisle I needed to stop and look at the products ... fortunately, a store employee was there, too. As soon as the store employee left, though, the guy turned to me and said, "How much longer do you have?" I was a little surprised by the question... and even more so by his response when I told him 1 month: "Wow, you look really uncomfortable!" Nice, eh? I'm still freaked out a bit by the whole situation... is he some kind of sicko preggo-perv? Why was he following me? After our conversation, he left me alone... but I still felt weird about it. Maybe it's just that men don't normally ask pregnant women about their pregnancies? I don't know... weird...

So place your bets... when is Sprout going to arrive? MIL will be away May 18-21 (and she's our primary caregiver for Maggie while I'm in the hospital), and my whole family will be at a wedding on May 27th. I'm thinking it will be either of those time slots. Hopefully not too late... Hubby's birthday is June 10th, and Maggie's is June 16th. The latest they'll let me go is 42 weeks, which falls on June 8th. June could become a very complicated month...

No signs of labor. Sleeping pretty well, surprisingly. And I'm mostly ache and pain free at the moment. Can't really complain! I'm ready to be done, don't get me wrong. But fortunately I'm not impatient. It will be over soon enough... and then the real fun begins! In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy my sleep!

Where Is The Time Going?

How can it already be over a week since my last post?

I accomplished a lot over the last week. Had my phone consult with the on-call pediatrician, took my GBS test, got the Recharge (natural version of Gatorade) for labor and recovery, got a storage system for Sprout's clothes and filled it up, set up the changing area in our bedroom, did some stocking up at Trader Joe's, ordered the Snug Tuck Pillow for co-sleeping, met the last of the midwives in the group I switched to, and I even made it to a playgroup this week for Maggie! Plus we firmed up plans a bit for where Maggie will be when I go into labor, just need to figure out notification (since my MIL does not have a cell phone and may be living 1 hour away at the time).

Still on the to-do list:

• get post-partum pads
• get newborn diapers
• make & freeze (or buy pre-made) meals to cover at least the first week
• finish packing my labor bag (it's half-packed)
• tidy up the house a bit more
• make up the call list of who needs to be notified after Sprout's birth

There also may be a change in plans. Depending on the results of my GBS test, I may be staying for 24 hours for observation instead of 12 or less. But we'll cross that bridge when we get there. I should have the results at my appointment Monday.

3 weeks 6 days to go... It really could be any day now. Heck, my belly dance teacher was freaking out during our whole class about how she didn't want the baby being born that night - she wouldn't let me do anything! I felt fine following along, but she always made sure I had less reps to do than everyone else, even though I assured her that Sprout definitely would not make an appearance that night.

Which means it's probably time for another belly shot soon. I feel as big as a house. I will be doing a belly cast in the next week or two as a memento, mainly because we're not sure if we'll be having any more children after this.

Better go... Maggie's calling!

35/35

I didn't notice this last time around, but it's pretty cool (in a dorky kind of way). 35 weeks today, with 35 days to go. :)

Pelvic pain is increasing. Sitting makes it worse, as does stacking my knees when I lay on my side (even with a pillow between them). Fatigue is increasing. It's hard to believe I have 5 weeks left, both as too long as well as not enough time. I've been trying to prepare, but it's not easy when you don't have a lot of space.

The gender neutral clothes are washed and folded. The mini co-sleeper is set up (more as a changing table and nap area than anything else, as we'll be co-sleeping this time). I have 1 box of size 1 Swaddlers. I have LOTS of baby carriers. :) I ordered some of my early discharge supplies (I'm supposed to have certain things on hand since I'll be leaving the birth center within 12 hours instead of the standard 2 day hospital stay). We completed our in-home doula-led childbirth refresher class. I've made the consultation appointment with our pediatrician (May 1st) during which he has to fill out paperwork for the birth center. I called the on-call pediatrician for the birth center, but he still hasn't gotten back to me for my phone consult. I have homecoming outfits for both a girl and a boy (with an outfit for Maggie that matches the girl one). I'm taking the GBS test Monday. :(

I still have to:

• get post-partum pads
• get newborn diapers
• do a big stock up grocery shopping trip for snacks and paper goods
• get some Recharge for during labor (natural version of Gatorade)
• make & freeze (or buy pre-made) meals to cover at least the first week
• finish packing my labor bag (it's half-packed)
• find some sort of storage system for the baby's clothes (no room for furniture on the floor so it has to be something I can stack on my low dresser)
• tidy up the house a bit more
• plan for Maggie's care during labor and delivery (I think she's going with my MIL, but I'm not sure yet how long she'll stay with her)
• make up the call list of who needs to be notified after Sprout's birth
  

I'm sure I'm forgetting something...

Achy and Sore...

How is it I managed to forget how achy and sore one is during the final stage of pregnancy? I have been having strong Braxton Hicks contractions (something I did not experience with Maggie), belly soreness, pelvic bone pain (from them shifting into unusual configurations), and I can't even roll over in bed - already. 6 weeks to go and you would think with the way I'm feeling that I'm already at my due date.

I've started bellydancing classes in hopes that they will be useful during labor. I had read about how some of the pelvic movements were helpful in getting the baby moving in the right direction, as well as with dealing with the pain during contractions. I had also been meaning to take bellydancing classes for a while now, but it's easy to put off my wants over others' needs. But when a local friend said she signed up for the latest session, I decided to join her. It's been fun! I can't do everything (where are my belly muscles these days anyway???) but I do feel better after the classes. The last class is May 23rd and they have predicted that I won't be there because the bellydancing will bring this babe on early. We'll see!

Otherwise, it's been much of the same old, same old. The dark cloud that had enveloped me during much of the winter has lifted. I'm not as irritable or depressed anymore. Maggie and I are enjoying each others' company, even if it means my house is always a wreck. Such is life with a toddler.

My interest in photography has resurged. I got a new DSLR a few weeks ago and have had a blast trying it out. I have a lot to learn (and very little time in which to do it) but even now I'm already getting better pictures than I was before:


That's really about all that you've missed. Not very exciting, I know... But at least I'm healthy and happier. That's all that matters.

60 Days

I think I'm getting a little scared now. 60 days? That's it? How can that possibly be? We haven't even toured the birth center yet! And yet, it's not a timeline over which I have any control. Could be 60 days, could be 50... maybe even 75. Who knows? The point is, it's coming, and fast. I better at least get some diapers to have on hand for this kid!

Maggie is still sick but doing better than she was. Very clingy. I think I've heard "mommy" about 2000 times a day lately. Her appetite is improved but she still isn't eating anywhere near as much as before. At least she's mostly happier now. I hate seeing her suffer.

My sinus infection is taking its sweet old time coming down on me. Ears still hurt, as do my sinuses, but very little activity otherwise. It could just be late pregnancy congestion, I suppose.

We ended up cutting ties with Maggie's naturopath and chiropractor. I never felt right about them from the start. And while I do have an open mind, I don't like the round-about way of dealing with potential allergies that we've been doing. I will have her pediatrician order the allergy blood tests and we'll go from there. I also have to do what's sustainable for us.... and making everything from scratch is not sustainable. Especially when there will soon be another little one in the house. I'm glad we gave it a chance, but I think that for now, we're just not ready for the unconventional in this house, not entirely anyway.

ETA: I decided to add a belly shot! I haven't taken one in nearly 11 weeks now so I was sorely overdue. Here we are, 31 weeks 3 days and counting....

Sick, sick, sick

It all started on Sunday when we gave my youngest brother a ride home from a family birthday party. He infected everyone in the car and now my sister, husband, daughter, and other brother are all ill. Somehow, I've escaped so far... but it's only a matter of time since I've gotten so little sleep with Maggie's frequent wakings calling out for me at night. I just need to get past tonight. I have a party tonight and I can't be sick for that. Then, I don't really care what happens... Though I would prefer to avoid this plague that has come down upon my family. They're all miserable.

Hey, Look At That!

I went a day without posting! I must be feeling a little better!

Actually, yesterday was another toddler-trying day. At least now that hubby has seen what a maniac she can be in stores for himself, he understands a little better why I don't really like taking her with me on errands. Yesterday I HAD to go to the post office...and that was the only place I went. It wasn't worth the stress.

I did bring her to my former employer today, though. I used to work for the local municipality and every year on St. Patrick's Day (or closest work day to it), they have a celebration with a Mayor for the Day, Irish dancers from the local Irish Dancing School, and refreshments. I always loved watching the Irish dancers on my morning break and thought Maggie would enjoy watching them (plus I'm hoping to enroll her in Irish dancing classes eventually). Well, the schedule online was off by an hour and we got there WAY too early. It was tons of fun occupying her during that hour, let me tell you! But she held out, and we did get to watch a little of the girls dancing, plus visit some of my former co-workers. She ended up going down for an early nap so all that running around in the auditorium before the performance must have helped her burn off some extra energy.

2 days ago, it was 73 degrees and sunny. Today, it's 29 degrees or so and snowing. We're expecting about 8" of the white powdery stuff. Nothing like winter going out with a bang, especially since we received so little snow this season. I don't think we've had a single storm that dumped this much on us, as a matter of fact. What a shame... I was looking forward to spring.

Midwife Misadventures

I knew I was right to worry about bringing Maggie along with me to appointments. But I've been forcing myself to bring her everywhere lately as a) I would otherwise be stuck home all the time, and b) she has to learn eventually what appropriate public behavior is.

Well, the first time you meet your new midwife is not the best time to bring along a restless toddler who doesn't listen to you. It was hard enough that the midwife I was meeting has a reputation for a not-so-great bedside manner at appointments (though in her defense, she's supposed to be phenomenal at the birth itself - which is, of course, more important than the appointments). But then to feel like you're being judged at one of your most vulnerable times because your child doesn't listen when you tell her not to climb on the rolling stool (and to have the midwife disregard what I said by telling her it's okay), only to have said child fall off stool and narrowly miss cracking her head open on the floor because mommy at least had enough reflexes to intervene in time... Ugh. I think that cut the visit short just when we were discussing my depression issues. I'm supposed to eat more vegetables and look for a support group. Sage advice, eh? The best part was when we were leaving and Maggie insisted upon wandering into every room, then tried to run up and down the hallway while we waited for our turn to check out.

At least the parking garage attendant was very understanding when I couldn't even scrape together $2 for parking. I don't normally carry cash, and since I've never had to pay for parking before for a doctor's appointment, I wasn't expecting to need any. That guy really made my day.

I have to go back next Thursday and I'm now frantic to find someone to watch her. I do not want a repeat of this. But you know what? I don't even know which midwife I'm seeing. I know I'm supposed to meet the others, but there was such chaos at checkout that I don't recall even being told which midwife my appointment is with.

I certainly hope the Birth Place is worth this. If nothing else, I did learn today that if I decide after having Sprout that I want a hiatus from home, I can transfer over to maternity and stay the standard 2 days - even with having my natural childbirth. After a day like today, 2 days alone in the hospital with the baby is looking really good to me. :)

And So It Continues...

...another bad day.

It was sunny outside, and supposed to be quite warm. So I figured we'd get out of the house early and hopefully that would help raise my spirits. Instead, it seemed to be the beginning of the end. All it took was a kicking and screaming tantrum in Staples when I was just trying to look for ink ... I lost all desire in even trying to feel better. I also left without any ink. At the bank, I decided to make my deposit at the ATM ... it was out of service. I threw it in the night deposit and am hoping for the best... I was not going to drag her into the bank after the fiasco at Staples. So instead of staying out and enjoying the day, we headed right back home after that...

It just wasn't a good day.

And she didn't nap either.

And I'm tired of repeating the same things over and over again only to have her not listen and get hurt. It's one thing to cause a mess. It's another to not listen when I say "stop teasing the dog, she'll bite you" over and over again only to have her get bitten by the dog because she flippantly laughed and continued on her path anyway. Yup, our dog bit her. Right on the face. So now I have to decide what to do about that, too. My first baby, my furry friend, my only faithful companion who is always there for me. She was only doing what a dog would do when cornered - and she gave advanced warning. But Maggie doesn't listen to me or the dog. And this isn't the first time. I figured if she got bitten once or twice, she would stop doing things like this. Instead, she persists in pestering and harassing my furbaby to the point where the dog can't take it anymore and snaps at her. It's not fair to either of them, but I don't know what to do. I don't want to give up my best friend.

At least Maggie went to sleep at 6:40PM without complaint. Last night, she was up until nearly 10PM.

Forgive me for being an anchor and bringing everyone down. I always found journaling to be therapeutic (which is most likely why I don't blog much when I'm happy and everything is going well). It doesn't matter if anyone reads it, it just helps to get it out of my head.

Tomorrow I have my first appointment with the new midwives. And as much as I don't want to, I will have to tell them about my depression. I know it's not healthy for any of us, and this is the longest bout I've had in a while. Probably the worst since the 2 month mark after I miscarried Arabella, when I actually sought out help at the hospital's depression screening because I also thought I was bipolar. The therapist I spoke with felt that I had problems with clinical depression, bipolar disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder. The psychiatrist, however, did not... he felt I didn't fit the textbook definition (my bouts weren't frequent enough or long enough) and because of that, insurance felt my depression was not biological and therefore treatment would have to be paid for mostly by me. Fortunately, I got pregnant shortly thereafter and ended therapy. I didn't like the psychiatrist anyway.

In any case, I don't want to see another psychiatrist. And I don't want to be on medication. But I don't know what else to do right now. I have talked to hubby but he's only here so much, and I can't put all the burden of my mental health on him. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what the midwife says tomorrow.

Where Do I Belong?

People change. Well, most do. Change is good, right? We grow, we learn from our experiences, and we adjust.

When I was younger, I had a hard time with my peers. I was overweight, had acne, braces, and glasses. And I was in honors classes. Kids are very judgmental (without holding back) and put a large emphasis on appearances. My depression issues started in middle school when we all stopped being friends and the cliques really took over. By high school, my 2 best friends were turned against me by a Catholic school girl who spewed hatred and lies to stir the pot for her amusement. I don't think I ever really recovered from that and now have trust issues.

Issues. Yeah, I have issues. Trust issues. Social anxiety. Sometimes too naive.

For years, I would pretend to be happy. It was easier. Nobody asked questions (meaning no teachers would bother me). People thought I was a social butterfly.

Deep down inside, I'm not.

I met hubby shortly after high school and found a person who many thought was my polar opposite. Quiet, reserved, a bit of a wallflower. But with him, I've allowed myself to just be what I am. Alone mostly, but it doesn't usually bother me too much (aside from the spousal aloneness, which is a whole other issue).

When you have kids, though, you can't be alone. It's not good for them. Plus with TTC, miscarriage, pregnancy, etc, I found myself reaching out in a safe place - the internet. Forums are a nice anonymous way to find the support you need, when you need it, without giving away too much of your heart. No commitment issues either. People are there when you need them but don't complain if you don't call frequently enough.

In the meantime, I have grown and changed. From a girl who would never have kids or get married, to a woman with an angel baby, a crazy toddler, and a baby on the way. Married for nearly 6 years, together with hubby for nearly 12 years. I used to pick topics to have the opposite opinion upon (and of which be very vocal) just to be different. Had to embrace it, after all. But now I've lived life, experienced loss, and my views are different.

But where do I fit in? Where does an anti-social basketcase belong?

Hubby likes to tease that I'm a hippy-in-training because of my recent move to less than mainstream ideas. So yeah, I don't feel quite right around those who choose conventional methods of parenting, eating, and just plain living. But then when I'm around the natural parenting/attachment parenting forums, I feel like an outsider there, too. Not counter-culture enough for them... And while they try to draw me in further, I feel like a disappointment around them, intimidated to reveal myself as not being the extreme lactivist/tandem nursing/co-sleeping/whatever that they all appear to be. I guess the babywearing, intention of nursing again, best efforts at gentle discipline, and future co-sleeping (among many other small decisions that happen every single day) aren't necessarily enough.

I would like to say I don't need to fit in anywhere. After all, I am anti-social. But I do need support from time to time. And it's getting harder and harder to find it when you're in between the lines society draws and can't seem to find others on a similar middle ground.

Baby Carrier Madness

Most of this collection I already had... but due to recent depression, I found myself building the collection again (also in anticipation of the arrival of Sprout)... So I felt like showing off a bit to sort of count my blessings and make me feel better. I'm not much of a collector (though I do tend to obsess about things for short periods and move on) but I'm pretty proud of this.

• Mom-and-Me-Creations Eclectico Rebozo-Pouch Hybrid - Neopolitan
• Gypsy Mama BaliBaby Breeze Freya - 5yd
• Hoppediz Maxi Costa Rica
• Sleeping Baby Productions ring sling - silver/blue silk w/tail accent (I think it's 84")
• EllaRoo lightly padded ring sling - Brown Orient
• Maya Wrap Ring Sling (unpadded) - #67 (undyed)
  
• Peanut Shell microfleece pouch - Squirt (light green)
• WAHM-made thicker fleece pouch - royal blue on one side, pastel dots on light green on the other
• Colibri Baby Mei Tai - batik turtles w/natural canvas straps
• Eden Mei Tai - olive velveteen
• Mei Tai Baby Mei Tai - Indigo Mermaids w/khaki straps - on the way!!!
• Ball Baby (BBO) Mei Tai - Bohemian Circles - on the way!!!
  

(Edited to remove the Beco Baby Carrier as I had second thoughts about the pattern and ended up canceling my order... I ordered the Mei Tai Baby MT in its place because I couldn't resist the beautiful panel.... then I later removed the Hotsling Organic Hemp/Cotton pouch and Sachi MT because those, also, went on their way... added the Ball Baby MT. Yes, the stash is always changing!!!)

Absent Spouse

I could use some feedback on this one, if you don't mind...

How do you keep from losing your mind when you are the *only* caregiver? Forget primary, hubby is rarely home when Maggie is awake. Yes, he works 2 jobs. But he's supposed to have Sundays off, and I don't do any business work on Sundays because that's supposed to be our family day. Instead, he often goes skiing. He also has been taking at least 1 day off a week for over a month now to go skiing with friends as well. And since he usually gets out of his 2nd job early and goes skiing (because his job is at a ski area), that means about 4-5 days a week he's away skiing, not working... while I get no alone time. None. Zippo. Zilch. I have 2-3 parties a month, but that's work, not leisure.

It's wearing on me badly. Whether it's a contributor to the depression or the depression is making it worse, I don't know... but I'm having an awful time dealing with it right now as hubby is away, again, skiing and I have another full day with Maggie to look forward to. When she's refusing diaper changes, refusing to stay put to eat, ransacking everything, the dog won't go to the bathroom outside, and the house is (again) a mess even though I just cleaned it - knowing that the landlord is planning on coming sometime this week to rip down the ceiling in our linen closet because water keeps leaking through the ceiling from the apartment upstairs and they can't figure out why from upstairs....

I need a break.

Try a week's vacation somewhere tropical by myself. With no phones.

I don't know how much longer I can hold on to my sanity (if I still have any left) if this continues....

Anyone Ever See Aliens?

I feel like I'm growing an alien inside of me. I'll be sitting blissfully typing away at the computer when all of the sudden, my belly starts to get stretched out like something is trying to rip its way out of my stomach. For those who have never been pregnant, I can only imagine the images this brings to your minds. It's an indescribable feeling, really, that is both exciting and annoying at the same time. And I repeat... if at 29 weeks this kid is already at the top of my belly and jabbing me occasionally in the ribs, where will s/he go during the next 11 weeks?

Miss Maggie has abandoned all interest in the potty. For a short while, she would come running to me asking to sit on the potty... then proceed to have me read the same book (or 2) over and over again for 20 or 30 minutes until I got tired of waiting (our bathroom is VERY cold) and bribed her away with allowing her to wash her hands or brush her teeth (both things that fascinate her and bring hours of enjoyment). Well, the last few days she has been waking up dry and going longer between diaper changes but now has no interest in sitting on the potty. At least we're using less diapers...

Her language skills have, however, exploded. Besides using ASL signs more regularly, there are more words in the constant flow of chatter that are understandable. This girl loves to talk! At least now we're starting to understand what she has to say.

I'm settling in better to being a SAHM. I still get depressed from time to time. The weather doesn't help with that as I believe I have SAD. It's also sometimes frustrating that when I finally sit down to eat a bowl of cereal at 10:30AM and have already poured the milk, Maggie invariably either wants her own snack or howls for my brunch. At least when I was working I could eat and sleep without a tagalong or thief. I do have several people concerned now about my lack of weight gain over the last 2 months of this pregnancy. Unless you've been around a demanding 20 month-old all day long, though, you have no idea how it really sometimes is impossible to get any food into your system. And with the depression, I just wasn't all that hungry.

Naps are, hopefully, coming back into play at least. This means 1 meal a day while we're home alone, though not until 2PM or so. Maggie took about a 4 week hiatus from napping before I decided enough was enough this week. We've had naps for 3 or 4 days now. Later in the day than she used to nap, but as long as she naps, I don't care. Especially since she was starting to wake up earlier and earlier every day.

The last 2 days, Maggie woke up at around 8:30AM (instead of the usual 7/7:30AM, and of-late 6-6:30AM). I don't know why but I wish I could recreate it. It's been wonderful being able to sleep in since I rarely fall asleep before midnight.

Depression

I haven't been on because of a bout of depression. It eased during the last few days (thanks to some much-needed sunlight) but it's definitely still lingering.

I ended up switching practices to a new group of midwives and the closer birthing center that is part of a hospital. I spoke with the hospital's billing department and was assured that it would be billed as an inpatient procedure so I shouldn't have any problems getting insurance to pay. I meet with the new midwives next Wednesday... scary to go through this change so close to the end, but I have since spoken with others who switched to this practice even later in their pregnancies (and were totally happy about that change!) so I guess it's not that bad. Just need to do what's best for our family - financially and emotionally.

Finances aren't looking great but we're surviving. Just need to get my business into gear. I have one more party this month, 2 in April, and 2 in May (but after those 2 May parties, I think I'm going on maternity leave because it's quite tiring these days to stand in front of a crowd already). Hubby's second job will be ending later this month so then we'll really be in a crunch. I'm trying not to think about it too much as it just makes the depression worse.

27 Down, 13 To Go....

I'm officially in the 3rd trimester. How did that happen? 13 weeks can seem like so long, but for me, they don't. I know that the days pass quickly when there's a toddler in the house and I can't believe we're almost there. Wow. Wow, wow, wow. I'm a little freaked out.

Lonely, too. Hubby is away most of the week this time of year. He's working 2 jobs, which keeps him away all of Margaret's awake-day on Tuesdays and Thursdays (already gone Monday-Saturday 7AM-5PM anyway), plus he's been taking Fridays off to go skiing up north - another whole awake-day away. It's wearing on me. Having a headstrong toddler test boundaries, push buttons, and destroy the house all day long when you're by yourself with no hope of adult intervention anytime soon would probably drive anyone crazy. The last 2 weeks have been very stressful - especially due to the lack of naps. How the heck will I manage with 2 kiddos and no husband? (Because, you see, summertime is mountain biking season... he may not be working 2 jobs, but he'll still be away a lot...)

Still Waiting

I heard from the midwives' office today but there really wasn't any further news. They tried once again to get our insurance to pay - and were told, once again, that they will not pay for the childbirth center's fees. They keep blaming it on hubby's employer's plan, but there is nothing in the paperwork we received that says birth centers are not eligible for benefits. Now I'm waiting on clarification of what our balance will be ($2000 or $2400). They did say we're not expected to pay before Sprout's birth, which is fortunate since that's only about 13 weeks away. I was told that they will do whatever they can to work with us since they would hate for this to force us into the hospital. That means a lot to me right now.

Business is taking off. 2 parties this week, 2 parties next week, 2 bookings last night, and some more bookings that should come off of my sister's party next Saturday. The season change on March 1st has been keeping me busy getting in touch with clients about ordering before their favorites are gone, or trying to stir up interest in the new stuff coming out. I'm also working on recruiting since I will be taking a bit of a hiatus once Sprout comes and I need to ensure some sort of income coming in. Any takers? Just kidding...

Maggie is continuing with no naps. In fact, now she teases me. Comes over to me clutching her blanket and baby doll, saying "Mommy, night-night" and then coaxes me to follow her into her bedroom. She gets up on her bed, pats the mattress next to her: "Mommy, night-night" ... and as soon as I lie down with her, she laughs, gets up, and runs away. Great. She got me 4 times on Tuesday, and twice yesterday. And if she isn't doing that, she's at my bedroom door begging to go sleep in my bed... only to ransack my room. I had no idea children could be so manipulative at 20 months of age. She certainly knows how to push my buttons...

Funny thing about where I used to work... My sister applied for the job opening and since it's a municipal job, she had to take a test before they would even consider interviewing her. She went to the test Tuesday (as one of about 74 candidates) and was told there are now 2 positions open in that office. Very interesting. So that's 3 vacancies in 2 months' time. I wonder when Personnel will realize that the work environment in that office is the pits? The only reason why I advised my sister to go for it (when she called me asking about the job, after seeing it in the Classifieds) was that I knew 2 people were retiring in another department later this year and I figured she could get her foot in the door now and have a better shot at one of those positions. I will have to do some investigating and find out who left now... But I can't help giggling when I think about it. :) Justice? You bet!

Double Digits

99 Days to go.... Only double digits now! I remember looking at the ticker when there were 105 days left thinking that it would soon be double digits time, but it feels like that was only yesterday-literally!

99 Days and we have no idea where we're having this child.

We found out last week that hubby's insurance (which we switched to this month since I no longer am employed) will not pay for the birthing center fee. $2000. $2000 we don't have. We anticipated paying about $840 since his insurance book stated that they cover 80% and we're responsible for 20% (and the fee for the midwives and center comes to $4200 altogether). Which is also what they inadvertently quoted me when I asked for an estimate of my costs (the midwives want payment up front so we're supposed to get an estimate before the baby is born). When I pushed for further clarification of "80% of the allowed amount" I was told, in red type, that they do not cover freestanding birthing centers. Then the midwives' office spent 40 minutes on the phone with them only to find that, yes, they will not pay. Which is absurd. They were also told that the midwives' fees would be paid 100% (which is NOT in the literature I received, so I rather doubt that).

Now what?

Most likely, a hospital birth will be cheaper. But I don't want another hospital birth. I switched to this practice in December because I was thrilled to have another shot at a waterbirth, and a chance to have an unmedicalized labor and birth.

There is another birthing center in Connecticut that is part of a hospital, kind of. They bill under the hospital so if I switched to them, it's very likely their fees would be covered. AND the hospital-attached-birthing center is actually half as far away as the childbirth center I planned on using, so logically, I should be considering it. But I also don't want to switch practices again. I just switched 2 months ago, and I like the group I'm with, even if they aren't local.

We have no idea what we're doing at this point. All I know is something that I'm supposed to be eagerly awaiting has become something I'm dreading. How awful is it that insurance companies have so much say in the level of care we receive, especially in a case where they're actually refusing to pay the smaller fee. Absurd!

Feeling a little down...

Lack of sleep is getting to me. It's not just that I'm getting more uncomfortable now. Maggie has stopped taking naps (even though she BADLY needs them!) and is waking up earlier and earlier each day. Then she's cranky most of the day, which in turn makes me cranky. It hasn't been good. I've even resorted to plopping her in front of the TV with her favorite DVD to get a few minutes to myself. I'm so ashamed. Look how far I've fallen....

So Tired...Again

The last few days, I've started being really tired again. It didn't make sense until I looked at the ticker this morning. One more week until the 3rd trimester. Unbelievable! I don't know how the time has flown by! So it looks like I never fully harnessed the possibilities of the 2nd trimester energy surge (which started LATE for me) in decluttering because now I'm just too tired to tackle it. Too much other stuff that has to be done, like meal planning, cooking, washing dishes, doing laundry, picking up the house in general, business-related work... and all that running around for Maggie's appointments. Which she has another one this afternoon with the chiro. At least she's improving.

Still, I can't believe that in about 14 weeks, there will be another little one in our home. It sounds so far away, and yet so close at the same time. And while I've been so busy I don't think about it much, it's getting harder to ignore with the frequent (and hard!) kicks and punches coming from my abdomen. Sleeping is getting more uncomfortable, and therefore less attainable as restful sleep. And I still have no idea where we'll put the baby's clothes. Sprout will be sleeping with us so at least we don't have to try to cram the crib somewhere into our 700 sq ft apartment. But there really is no room for the clothes until I do some more decluttering, and I have been less than motivated to do any of that lately.

I still have time, right? :)

Pumped Up!

I attended a Tastefully Simple conference Friday and Saturday and it was just what I needed! A night away from home, some time to focus on my business as well as set some goals, and the excitement and energy I needed to get off my butt and get myself into gear! I'm so excited!!!

Taking Betty Crocker To A Whole New Level!

Remember when I said I don't really cook? Haven't because I didn't need to, with boxed pasta and frozen stuff and all. Well, the last couple of weeks have been a major turnaround. These are some of the things I've made for the first time in my life:

• homemade pasta sauce
• variation of veggie lasagna using homemade pasta sauce, raw cheddar cheese instead of mozzarella, and throwing in spinach and turnip greens (the latter of which I have never even eaten before this experiment)
• roasted chicken with potatoes and carrots
  
• chicken stock (from the roasted chicken carcass)
  
• vegetable soup with kidney beans
• baked oatmeal
• banana molasses muffins
• pineapple corn muffins
• whole grain waffles (from scratch!!!)
• bread, bread, and more bread ... even have a sourdough starter bubbling away on my counter, almost ready for my first batch of non-breadmachine bread!
• sweet brown rice soaked overnight in yogurt water, with banana, real flaked coconut, and coconut oil added after it was cooked (this was for Maggie's breakfast this morning - I'm honestly not this adventurous, though it smelled delicious!)
• spinach nuggets
• cottage potatoes (a new favorite in our home!)
• ...and this evening's adventure, homemade lara-type-bars

Tonight's experiment has to be one of my favorites because it's a huge money saver, too. Not that I even knew what a Larabar was up until recently. Well, I had seen them in the store, but I don't usually buy energy-type bars. It was pretty cool when I accidentally found out that these are whole foods bars. Or as they say on their website, "NO ADDED SUGAR * UNPROCESSED * RAW * NON- GMO * GLUTEN FREE * DAIRY FREE * SOY FREE * VEGAN * KOSHER" Pretty cool, huh? So I bought the first one a week ago... and quickly fell in love. But Larabars are expensive. And that's where the cool part came in. The recipe I tried saves you at least half, if not more, over buying them retail. And you control the ingredients. I like that a lot. Plus it gave me an excuse to try out the new food processor. :)

I've also been dabbling in soaking nuts and grains to unlock the untapped nutrients that we usually can't get from them otherwise. So the flour for all my baked goods were soaked overnight in raw milk (like the waffles) and they have come out so tasty! The nuts haven't been so easy. For them to technically be raw and unspoiled (since oils in them go rancid at high temps) after soaking in sea-salted water for 6-12 hours, you then have to dry them out slowly. Like dehydrator slowly. Which I do not have. I tried doing the cashews in the oven (which cashews are okay up to 170 degrees or so because they're technically already heated before you get them, no matter what) but I didn't dry them out long enough. They got moldy 2 days later and some time after tossing them, I found Margaret helping herself to the garbage buffet. Ugh! So I guess I need to get some more started. The almonds were trickier. Those aren't supposed to go above 150 degrees, and our oven doesn't go that low. It was quite the ballet of me turning the oven on and off again to try to get the right temp for proper drying. After that, I convinced hubby to let me get an inexpensive dehydrator. I need it for our new lifestyle, especially since Maggie and I love to eat nuts. (And don't get all dirty on me about that! That's my daughter I'm talking about!)

In all this cooking/baking frenzy, though, some things have been forgotten. Guess I better get some laundry done instead of hanging around on here. :)

ETA: BTW, you would think with all this cooking (and butter and coconut oil) that I would be packing on the pounds, right? I'm still at 3 lbs under where I was a month ago, maybe a little more. So at nearly 24 weeks of pregnancy, I've only gained 10 pounds so far (which I was the same at this point with Maggie, though in the end, I gained over 30 pounds with her!).