Losing My Mind

Still cranky. The ears may be infected, but she's been on amoxicillan since 3AM Thursday. And pain reliever. And cold meds at night. This can't possibly be the cause for the continued crankiness. And I'm losing my mind over it. Brian is never home to help... She will not sleep. She will not play. She just wants to cry. And be held. But not held sitting, held standing. And she must be held like she is standing. Meanwhile, we're almost out of bottles and I accidentally melted the liner of our allergy mattress cover in the dryer. But I can't attend to either problem because here she sits, crying... crying... crying. It's been 40 minutes now that I've been trying to get her to go to sleep. She rubs her eyes... but will not sleep. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

ETA: I have tried playing on the floor with her sitting, with her standing, having her play in the Exersaucer alone and with me, bouncing her in the bouncy seat, walking around cradling her, walking around holding her upright, walking around with her belly on my forearm, rocking her in the chair on her side, rocking her in the chair on her back, reading to her, and so on and so forth. In the end, rocking her with her on her belly and her face up around my arm worked... but I think it's because she just gave up. She's napping now on her belly. I hope it lasts longer than 20 minutes since she doesn't seem to want to go longer than that today.

I feel like a terrible mother. A failure. I wanted her so badly, but all I am is depressed lately because I can't make her happy. I feel rejected. And worthless. And stressed because I'm supposed to manage everything around the house in between, which there is no in between lately. I melted the mattress cover because I was rushing to do the laundry (she was crying) and in my haste, I didn't change the temp setting. Haste makes waste, I know, but if I hadn't been so stressed out, it probably wouldn't have happened. I feel guilty because I'm blaming her for how I feel emotionally. And for even more that I don't dare type for fear of being ostracized as a traitor to motherhood. Right now, all I want is to be numb... Then it won't matter that she cries all day long.

The Ears Have It

At least, they are now the leading contender in why Margaret was so cranky and wouldn't sleep. After Margaret started up her routine of waking every hour during the night again, I decided to take her to the emergency room. She was acting so unlike herself and the screams were louder than usual, as well as sounding different. I did learn one thing: if you want service at the ER, bring a screaming infant. I have never been in and out of there so fast in all my life! In the end, they decided that she has ear infections in both her ears. Had she been displaying any signs that this might be the case? Nope. No ear tugging, no problems eating, just the crankiness. The last time I worried about an ear infection due to crankiness, it didn't turn out to be that at all so I guess that's why I didn't even consider that a possibility. But there we were at 3:30AM getting her ears checked out, and the doc said they were red inside. He prescribed amoxicillan for 10 days and infant's Motrin every 6 hrs right now for the pain. As soon as they gave her the Motrin, she stopped screaming and went to sleep. She's been pretty good ever since.

I feel horrible that she had been cranky for days now and I didn't even think to have her ears checked. I'm always so worried about being one of "those" moms that overreacts to every little thing that I missed something big. How awful.

In any case, I'm home with her today. Well, at my mom's house anyway. The hallway at our apartment building is being redone (plaster down, sheetrock up) so I knew there was no way either one of us would get any rest today. (Mind you, I didn't make it into bed until midnight because of Becky's flea bath incident...and then Margaret started waking at 1:30AM.) I was a bit worried about calling into work... this will be my 4th sick day this month, 3 of them for Margaret. But it's not like I have any control over the situation. She definitely can't go to daycare today. She had no sleep, she's in pain, and she's in the first 24 hrs of an antibiotic she's never taken before. Work can wait... or I guess I'll end up being a SAHM if it doesn't. ;)

Update

Margaret slept from 9:30PM to 6:15AM. (She also had a nap from probably 8-9PM before the "last" feeding.) Looks like this *could* be the culprit. But it will take a few more nights before I can tell for sure.

New problem. Margaret has been *extremely* fussy at home lately. Apparently, she's as good as can be at daycare. At least, they keep telling me this even when I don't ask. And it's always checked off on her progress report that she's happy and curious, and usually cooperative, too. However, when she's home and awake, she screams most of the time. This is a relatively new problem, but it's probably been going on for about a week now. At first I thought daycare may be lying, but if they keep saying she's so happy and friendly when I don't even ask, how can that be the case? Which then makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong that she's wonderful for them and miserable with me.

It seems the problem may in part be gas-related. We're trying a new tummy soother that's all natural (chammomile and ginger, basically). At least, we started using that when after absolutely nothing else worked, we thought maybe she was having tummy troubles. This seems to lessen the intensity, but tonight, she was still pretty upset afterwards. Since she's not tolerating her old milk-based formula, she's been on Prosobee Lipils. We never gave her formula with ARA/DHA before, and I have heard of that causing gas issues, so maybe that's the source of her unhappiness? I bought some non-lipil Prosobee to try next. Then I read today that babies tend to be fussier in the evening/night because they don't know what to do with the day's pent up stress. Which would mean that there's not much I can do about it if that's the cause. But I hate that option because it makes me feel so powerless. Maybe she's just overtired? She doesn't usually nap well at daycare and is only napping less than 2 hrs a day there.

Who knows why... I just wish it would stop. She's supposed to be crying less at this stage, not more. It's very stressful and tiring to try everything you can think of and still have a screaming infant. (SIGH)

ETA: Oh yes! And now we have fleas. I just finished giving Becky a flea bath and tomorrow after working until 6:30PM, I'll have to figure out how to prevent a major infestation without bombing the place. Should be interesting and not something I'm exactly ready to handle right now.... It's been a hell of a week and it's only Wednesday.

Following My Heart

A TREMENDOUS Thank You to all who posted on my previous topic! It makes me feel so much better about my concern about the dropped feeding. I know we're told over and over again that mommy instincts are incredibly accurate and we should go with them, but sometimes it's difficult to feel that you've made the right decision when one with a medical degree is telling you to do the opposite of what your heart says is right. I do have the utmost respect for Margaret's doctors' opinions, but when it doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel right, and this just didn't from the start. Margaret got back her "last" feeding tonight. To hell with his opinion in this case! I will cut back when she is ready for it, not when he tells me to. After all - she's only a baby! It's not like she has any understanding of eating just for the sake of eating. That's an adult (or at least, older child) concept that's beyond her still. She looks to eat because she is *hungry* and because she needs it. Plain and simple.

I also want to thank Jackie for posting all those guidelines. Margaret actually does meet those guidelines, but I still don't think she's ready for solids. Either that, or she just doesn't like anything she's been offered yet. :) We'll keep trying, but I'm not going to force it on her. There's no need to, especially at this age.

Hopefully I'll be able to rest easier tonight, with a clear conscience and a baby that actually sleeps.

Does The Doctor Always Know Best?

On October 14th we had Margaret's 4 month appointment. It was at that time that her doctor expressed a concern about Margaret's continuing trend of being off the charts on weight. Mind you, she was 9 lbs 2 oz at birth and has been gaining steadily. In fact, last month was the smallest gain so far in a month's time. And she's 26 inches tall. Regardless, her doctor told me to cut back her formula by 1-2 oz per feeding! She had been taking in 36 oz/day in 6-6 oz feedings and since we normally had to wake her for her last feeding at 9:30PM, we decided to try dropping that one. Her doctor also wanted me to start giving her cereal. I originally intended to wait until she was 6 months old to start cereal, but I knew she wouldn't be happy with less formula unless she got something else in exchange.

The problems. Well, for starters, she hates cereal. In 5 feedings, she only once ate it...at the first one. Every time I've attempted it since, she's screamed, spit it all out, and refused to eat. So Friday I stopped trying to give her cereal, figuring this is her way of showing me she is not ready yet.

Next are the sleep problems. Margaret started consistently sleeping through the night at about 6 weeks of age. There were a few instances when she did not, but those were mostly when she was ill. However, once we started cutting feedings, she stopped sleeping through the night. She was 17 weeks old when we started this, so it had been a couple of months that she had been sleeping well before this. The sleeping problems keep getting worse. She used to sleep 9:30PM to 6:30/7AM. Last night, she went down "for the night" at 8:30PM, but woke up at 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5:45AM. She went back down pretty quickly for most of the wakings, but at the 4AM one, it took me 40 minutes to get her back down. (And I didn't get back to sleep after that because Brian's alarm clock started going off at 5AM, but that's a whole other issue...)

I'm thinking of disobeying the doctor's orders. If it were only a night or two, I probably wouldn't be concerned... but she hasn't slept through the night once since we changed her feedings. It seems to me that she needs more than 30 oz/day to function properly. Heck, my mother told me my brothers were taking in 40 oz/day at her age and she wasn't told to cut back (and their doctor is the father of Margaret's doctor, actually). I just don't know what to do. But I do know that what we're doing right now isn't working.

No Paper Undies For My Baby!

LOL! I laugh every time I see blinkies proclaiming: "I don't wear paper undies so why should my baby." It makes sense, it's just a funny thought. It's right up there with the "I don't eat in the bathroom so why should my baby" blinkies. Great statement using humor to get the point across. At least, they're humorous to me.

Anyway, back during the first time I was pregnant, I had done a lot of research on cloth diapering and really wanted to do it. However, I was met with extensive opposition (including my own sister who proclaimed she would not watch baby-to-be until s/he was out of diapers if I chose to use cloth). The second time I got pregnant, I was more concerned with actually having a baby in the end than how I would diaper, so it went to the wayside.

But it's been on my mind again lately. There exist many reasons to cloth diaper, and I won't get into them here. There are plenty of sites advocating it that you can turn to if you're looking to be converted. For me, there were a couple of reasons. #1 chemicals. There are so many chemical in disposables and it bothers me. Think of that absorbant gel...what is it anyway? How good can it be to have that against the skin? #2 cost. So much money literally thrown away every day. #3 Margaret only pees at night anyway. How hard can it possibly be to wash some pee diapers?

Well, Margaret's daycare doesn't do cloth, so she'd have to be in sposies there anyway. But I figured I'd give it a shot at night and maybe incorporate it into the weekends if I like it. Last night was our first night trying. We used a borrowed Fuzzi Bunz pocket dipe with 2 borrowed microfiber inserts in the pocket. I do have to say that the smell you get in the morning after your baby sits in a cloth diaper for 10 hrs is less than appealing. I never did like the pee smell in sposies, but with cloth, it was like straight ammonia. Yuck! But she did stay dry all night. I also bought my own Bumkins AIO (all in one) and I just had to try it yesterday evening. They're the closest you can get to the convenience of a disposable in the cloth diapering world. Very easy to use. I was definitely pleased with that. I think if I could afford to go with all AIOs, I may just give it a chance on the weekends, too.

Now if only I could get over my huge aversion to poo, then I would have an easier time cloth diapering more than just at night....

More Sleep

Let's see... Tuesday night there was a bit of a fight, but not as bad. During that night, however, I was awakened at 2AM not by Margaret's cries, but the by the cries of the upstairs tenant's 1.5 year old daughter. I kept bringing the monitor to my ear to be sure, but it didn't sound like Margaret anyway. She even woke Brian up, and he never wakes up to Margaret's cries! Margaret didn't want to be left out, I guess, because she woke up at 4AM and 5:15AM on Wednesday. I ended up having to wake her finally at 7AM to get ready for the day (she normally wakes at 6:30AM on her own). I was exhausted that day. Wednesday night, no fight for bed. She was down by 8:30PM. Woke up at 3AM, but went back to sleep very quickly. I think she wanted her pacifier, but I don't want to get in the habit of waking up to replace a binky. She slept until 6:30AM after that. But last night... that was golden! In bed between 8 and 8:30PM and slept straight through until 6:40AM! I don't know if her long nap at daycare had anything to do with it, but I'll take it!

Now if only Brian and I weren't both sick, we would have gotten some sleep last night...

I wanted to bring Margaret to a pumpkin patch this weekend but it's supposed to rain. More rain. As if the 9 days we had in the recent past isn't enough, we'll now lose the 3rd weekend in a row to rain.

Sleep

Well, in spite of Margaret's desperate protests to going to bed last night, she was asleep by 9PM and stayed that way until around 6 this morning. It was incredibly bizarre to be in my bedroom and ready for bed before 10PM since I'm normally not in there until 11 or 11:30. Of course, I lost most of the time advantage when I spent nearly an hour surfing the net on my iBook. Darn that addiction! In any case, that's 2 out of 3 nights that she slept through even though she had one less feeding. I hope this trend continues. Well, minus the 45-minute screaming ritual.

Tons of Fun

You know, things were just fine before cereal and reducing formula. Margaret went to bed 99.999% of the time without hassles and slept through the night. Now, all hell has broken lose. Last night was a real trial in patience when it came to bedtime. And then she woke up at 3AM, requiring over an hour of soothing to go back to bed. Tonight is even worse. I worried that maybe I tried to put her down too early last night, so we figured we'd start at 8:15PM or so. Except Brian chose to hear what he wanted to hear and just put Margaret in her crib after changing her diaper without even giving her a chance to get used to the idea. No transition, just plopped her into the crib. This sent her into a frenzy of crying that continues even as I type. It drives me nuts that we could have avoided this entirely if he wasn't so careless. And that he insists upon taking care of her, even though he's not doing a thing that would be considered calming. I'm exhausted as it is...I got a grand total of 4 hours of sleep last night, at best. But being forced to listen to screaming that I can do nothing about, even though it might have been avoided, is really pushing my buttons right now. After several attempts to get Margaret from Brian so I could try to soothe her, he banished me to the bedroom, which is a whopping 10 feet from the living room. Screams readily permeate the walls. It breaks my heart and drives me crazy all at the same time. Yup, tons of fun around here tonight. Waking up at 3AM again would really be the icing on the cake right now.....

Damn doctor's suggestions....

Happy 4 Months Old!

Margaret celebrated 4 months on this earth by eating her first food today. Oatmeal. Not something I enjoy, but I decided it was a better food to start with than rice cereal. She didn't even seem to realize she was eating. Surprisingly, we didn't lose much of it out of her mouth either. The only problem: the bib. I thought we'd use her big girl bib that isn't absorbant. Big mistake as she decided to try to eat the bib, as well as rub it all over everything. Next time I'll be sure to use something that will really contain the mess.



I want to thank all of you for reminding me that guidelines are exactly that: not rules that must be strictly adhered to, but rather a collection of what works for the average situation. Margaret had been exhibiting signs of readiness for solids for weeks now, but I've been trying to hold her off because of the guidelines. Even with her doctor telling me to feed her cereal, I still resisted. But Margaret was not ready to give up formula (as directed by her doctor) without getting something in its place. So I threw the guidelines out the window and gave it a chance today. After all, she is the size of your average 7 or 8 month old... it only stands to reason that she'd be ready for food a little bit earlier than your average 4 month old.

Updates

I ended up having to bring Margaret in to her pediatricians' office Tuesday. She got really inconsolable Monday night and Tuesday, so they wanted to see her. Just a stomach bug was the diagnosis, and fortunately, no other symptoms to worry about. But I was advised to switch her to soy formula for a few days to give her digestive system a chance to recover. I guess when babies get stomach bugs like this, it tends to kill off the parts of their digestive system that break down lactose. Making sure she's not taking in any lactose gives it a chance to rebuild. The soy did the trick but when I tried to switch her back to her old formula (Enfamil Gentlease) this afternoon, she almost immediately ended up with diarrhea again. Back to soy...

I'm wondering if we might have to stick with soy. She's had problems with gas and fussiness since birth, so I'm wondering if she has an undiagnosed milk protein or lactose intolerance because she continues to gain weight in spite of these feeding issues. She did really well on Gentlease (1/4 the lactose of normal cow's milk formula) but is doing even better on soy, so maybe that's the problem. I was hesitant to use it at first because of the controversy out there about everything with soy, including the long-term effects of the phytoestrogens in soy and the link I read about between soy and peanut allergies (they are in the same family, after all). But soy has been on the market since the early 60s. It can't be that bad, can it? And if she does even better on that, shouldn't I give her what she's best able to digest?

We had Margaret's 4 month appointment today. She now weighs 19 lbs 3.5 oz and she is 26 inches long. She continues to be off the charts, although she's getting further off for weight now. Her doctor wants us to cut back on how much formula she's taking in. She's been taking in 36 oz/day in 6 feedings of 6 oz per day for the last couple months. In the last few weeks, she's started acting hungry even after finishing. But I was afraid of giving her too much formula, so I did not increase her intake. Now I'm supposed to cut back, 1-2 ounces per feeding! The last few nights we've started having a hard time getting her up for her 9:30/10PM feeding, so I'm going to try to drop one feeding a day (so she'll have 5 6-oz bottles for a total of 30 oz/day). But I have my doubts it will work.

On top of that, her doctor wants me to start rice cereal. I did not even ask him about this, as I wanted to wait until 6 months to introduce solids because of the potential risk of food allergies from early introduction, as well as the AAP recommendation to wait that long. I'm a bit surprised her doctor would recommend starting now - especially since he's a young doctor, so he's been through med school fairly recently and I'm sure they discussed these newer guidelines of waiting longer. Margaret also had a mild case of eczema when I saw him last month, so I asked him if that meant she was more likely to develop food allergies. He felt that her case was so mild that it was probably more irritant-related than indicative of future problems with foods. I hope he's right. Regardless, I'm waiting until we figure out the formula thing before I add solids. I also plan on skipping cereals, since they basically are sugar in the body and therefore of no nutritional value. If I can hold out until she's 5 months old, I'll probably be okay with it. That's a compromise I can live with. But I also think she won't be happy with the decreased formula unless she's eating solids, too, so I may have no choice in the matter.

Tonight's the first night of cutting 1 feeding. We got her down for the night by about 9PM, when she normally isn't down until 10/10:30PM. I have a feeling I'll be up by 4AM, but I'm hoping for the best.

Poor Sick Baby

Once again, Margaret is sick. Although she doesn't seem to be bothered by it and she really only has one symptom, her *lovely* explosive diarrhea has been quite the thing to deal with these past couple of days. It started on Saturday (fortunately, my MIL did not have to deal with it) with 2 incidences. Sunday it happened four times. Today once. Of these 7 incidences, 4 managed to leak out of the diaper. Yeah, LOTS of fun there. There's no fever and she's acting pretty normally (except for the hour or so of screaming she did tonight), so it's probably just a stomach bug. I called her pediatricians' office today just to check with them as to what they wanted me to do, but they were both out. The nurse felt that it wasn't too serious of a situation and advised me to keep doing what I'm doing and call back tomorrow morning. I read online to dilute the formula to 1/4 or 1/2 strength in the beginning (I've been doing 1/2 strength today) and to add some Pedialyte, which her doctors did recommend in case she got diarrhea the last time she was sick. I'm not thrilled about the sucralose in the Pedialyte, but I need to make sure she doesn't get dehydrated so I have been using about 1 oz per bottle. Seeing as she was down to one occurance today, I'm hoping this means she's almost over it. However, I did read that diarrhea in infants tends to last 1-2 weeks!!!

Looks like I will have an extended weekend on top of my already long weekend due to Columbus Day: Margaret can't return to daycare until the diarrhea has been gone for 24 hours. Then again, it's not like it's a vacation for me. She is very clingy right now so I can't get anything done without backup, and Brian has been working 11-12 hour days lately so I don't get backup until pretty late in the day. I just hope she feels better soon...

Neighbor Vent

A little history first. We live on the 1st floor of a 3 family house that we used to own. We purchased it in 2001 about 6 months after we got married. (There's a bigger story there, but that's not the point.) After having issues with problem tenants, and frequent vacancies, we decided in 2003 to take advantage of the rapid appreciation in the market and we sold the house. We weren't planning on buying again right away, but we had issues finding an apartment with our dog, so the new owner allowed us to rent the same apartment we were living in on a month-to-month basis. Technically, the same tenants are in the house as there were when we sold the house, with some minor changes. The third floor was originally a single girl, and it was explained to her that only she was approved to live there. I don't know what her arrangements were with the landlord, but first a guy moved in with her, then she moved out and her boyfriend moved in with the guy who was here. These people leave exterior doors propped open all the time, the Bilco doors unlocked, have been stacking wooden furniture right next to our gas furnace, and like to leave their garbage pail out at the road nearly the entire week. They're slobs and inconsiderate. But I ignored them and expected the same from them.

Back in July, we purchased a new washer and dryer because our dryer was no longer fuctioning properly. Our set was a used one that my parents bought us when we got the house. The dryer started to sound like I was running cycles full of rocks, so we decided to replace both at the same time. We got a nice front loader set (pretty much the cheapest one we could get, but still nicer than what we had). We decided to hold on to our old washer though to use for Brian's filthy clothes he wears when he's working on his vehicles. We moved it to the left of the new washer and left it there.

Tonight I went down to the basement to run a load of wash and found that our old washer had been hooked up to the 3rd floor hookups and they were running this dryer they had down there for a year now (not previously hooked up) without a vent. Soooo many things wrong with this picture. Number one, they basically just took our washer without asking and started using it. That's pretty ballsy. I told Brian about it and he went down there and disconnected it, turning it back to the side and throwing out the drain tube (that was ours) so they couldn't connect it back up. Number two, running a dryer without a vent is a fire hazzard. And this dryer is right in front of our furnace. Fortunately, the furnace isn't on currently (we shut it down for the summer). But if you're going to do something that is a fire hazzard, it's not a good idea to do it in front of a gas furnace that normally has a pilot light on all the time. No brains here, obviously.

I'm pretty pissed off. I try to mind my own business and I've never been one to complain to the landlord. But this is pretty bad. I won't say anything about the washer to him, but I do think I will mention the dryer set up since he can get in a lot of trouble if the fire marshal finds that during his next inspection.

**********

I'm sure you're all wondering about the wedding today. I'll keep it short. We were 10 minutes late. They are married. Margaret spent the day with my MIL and sisters-in-law so we could have fun at the reception (and she did very well for them). We danced. Came home. Margaret had a lovely poopy diaper blowout. We went to my parents' house for the party afterwards. And now we're home again. I'm glad it's over!! It was kind of nice to not have to worry about anything today, though. It wasn't my day, after all. ;)

One Down, One To Go

Survived the rehearsal. She was late.. Figures. The minister did tease her about not being late tomorrow. We had to practice walking down the aisle twice because the other girls couldn't understand how to walk slowly enough. It's a very small church so they want to stretch it out a bit. Then we had to practice walking out with the guys. Then the vows. The minister was about to leave without even telling us where we could get ready, and my sister wasn't going to ask. I kind of pushed her to do it, though. She needs to learn to speak up for herself. My mom thinks I'm crazy because I said Kelly should wait to get dressed until she gets to the church because it's supposed to pour tomorrow. Hopefully they'll listen to me. I know I won't get dressed until I'm there, under the circumstances.

At the very last minute, they changed where the rehearsal dinner would be. Chinese buffet. Pretty low class place. Our grandparents weren't even invited, even though they should have been.

It looks like I am going to her house tomorrow morning. My cousin's husband will swing by to pick me up and drop us off at my parents' house. My brother will be driving my sister, cousin, and myself to the church. Hopefully, I can use this to make sure we get there on time!

Brian will be on his own with Margaret... And if she's anything like she has been today, good luck to him!! She's been super cranky. And refusing to eat. No fever and she's not stuffed up or anything so I don't think she's sick. Just cranky (although not crying a lot...just not cooperating). We'll probably drop her off at my MIL's house on the way to the reception. Good luck to her, too! She's never watched Margaret before so this should be interesting! It's only one day...it shouldn't affect her permanently, right? ;)

A Lot On My Mind

With how busy I've been lately, I have a lot on my mind and no time to think it all out. Brian has been working 60+ hours a week right now, as well as 6 days a week. He leaves by 7:30AM and usually isn't home until 7:30PM or so. I have very little time to myself these days. Once he gets home, I have to make dinner, then I have to clean up from dinner and wash all of Margaret's bottles while he takes care of her last feeding of the day. He puts her down for the night, and I'm still taking care of the things that need to be done. Most nights, I don't get to go to sleep until 11 or 11:30PM. Then I'm up again at 6AM and the cycle starts all over again. I'm exhausted and starting to get frantic about all the things I need to do that aren't getting done. But alas, this is the life of a mommy.

My sister's wedding is in 2 days. I am the matron of honor in this wedding. It will be a very busy next 2 days and I'm looking forward to it being over. I ended up being her wedding planner, making many of her decisions for her. I also was responsible for making the bouquets, something I wasn't able to finish sooner because I could not get her to decide on the ribbon she wanted. Now, with 2 days to go, I still have to finish them. There just hasn't been any time. Brian has promised to take care of dinner and Margaret tonight so I can take care of that.

I feel like I'm falling apart. First my neck was bothering me for a few days last week. It spread into my right shoulder when I turned my head certain ways. Now, I'm having pain in my right ribcage just under the bust on the side. It doesn't hurt when I touch it - the pain is from within. It's worse when I breathe deeply, cough, and when I sit/lay in certain positions. Last night, I was only able to get sleep by taking Tylenol and laying on my left side. By morning, it was gone... but it's starting up again. I have no idea what it could be, and no time to address it right now. I know that's highly irresponsible, but it's the truth. I'm also secretly hoping it will go away on its own. Then that would mean it wasn't anything serious, right?

Somebody has been smoking in the 3 family house in which we reside. I can smell it in our apartment and I can't seem to get the smell out of my nose. It's making me sick to my stomach and I don't know what to do about it. Brian insists he doesn't smell it and that I'm being oversensitive. Perhaps he's right since I can still smell it now and I'm at work... But it bothers me. If I can smell it, that means Margaret is breathing it in. I'm not happy about that at all. I go to great lengths to avoid smokers for her health, and it just plain sucks that after all my efforts, she gets exposed in our own home. Unfortunately, we can't afford to move right now. And even if we could, there is no way to escape what others do outside their own homes anyway. Unless you're in the middle of a large piece of land, you can't escape it. It's frustrating and irritating to be so helpless like this when my daughter's health is at stake. And it's everywhere we go. People in cars next to you at traffic lights, people in front of stores you want to shop in, people just walking by your house... and the worst are the people who do it with their children right there, held captive by their parents and forced to smoke. That should be considered child endangerment. There should be criminal charges and consequences for that. (SIGH)

So many more random thoughts, so little time....

im·ma·ture

adj.
Not fully grown or developed. See Synonyms at young.
Marked by or suggesting a lack of normal maturity: silly, immature behavior (as defined by dictionary.com)

One expects that once s/he reaches adulthood, exposure to immature behavior would be minimized. Those catty cliques from adolescence would dissipate and the participants would grow up. I guess these expectations only live on in our imaginations, however, because it appears that as one grows older, the immaturity of others intensifies. The catty behavior grows into downright cruelty. And the victims suffer greatly.

I have recently witnessed some of these attacks by immature adults. I am appalled at the lengths one would go through to subject another to such cruelty. And disappointed. When in the evolution of humankind did we derail this way? When was it determined that some would, rather than mature as they age, instead regress to childhood, and hence perpetually remain in that infantile mental state?

Regardless of how it has occurred, it pains me so to see one subjected to this unnecessary behavior. A great friend of mine has suffered much in her life, and in no way deserves what she has received from these vicious character attacks. I stand by her and ask that those who are her true friends do the same.

After all, how would you feel if you were the victim and your friends turned away from you in your time of need?

A Day At The Fair

Margaret went to her first fair today. It was actually my birthday present since Brian isn't a fan of fairs (doesn't like the smell of the animals). Since it was my birthday, though, he agreed to go. Margaret was more interested in the people than the animals, but she behaved really well. I didn't HAVE to take her out of the stroller at any point like I usually have to when we're at the mall. But I did take her out in the animal buildings so she'd have a better look at them. Maybe next year she'll appreciate it more. In any case, the weather was beautiful. It was the perfect day to go to the fair. Skies were blue and cloudless and the temps got up to almost 80 degrees. So unlike an October day, but we enjoyed it nonetheless. We even went for a walk at the nature preserve with our dog Becky in the afternoon.