A Lot On My Mind

With how busy I've been lately, I have a lot on my mind and no time to think it all out. Brian has been working 60+ hours a week right now, as well as 6 days a week. He leaves by 7:30AM and usually isn't home until 7:30PM or so. I have very little time to myself these days. Once he gets home, I have to make dinner, then I have to clean up from dinner and wash all of Margaret's bottles while he takes care of her last feeding of the day. He puts her down for the night, and I'm still taking care of the things that need to be done. Most nights, I don't get to go to sleep until 11 or 11:30PM. Then I'm up again at 6AM and the cycle starts all over again. I'm exhausted and starting to get frantic about all the things I need to do that aren't getting done. But alas, this is the life of a mommy.

My sister's wedding is in 2 days. I am the matron of honor in this wedding. It will be a very busy next 2 days and I'm looking forward to it being over. I ended up being her wedding planner, making many of her decisions for her. I also was responsible for making the bouquets, something I wasn't able to finish sooner because I could not get her to decide on the ribbon she wanted. Now, with 2 days to go, I still have to finish them. There just hasn't been any time. Brian has promised to take care of dinner and Margaret tonight so I can take care of that.

I feel like I'm falling apart. First my neck was bothering me for a few days last week. It spread into my right shoulder when I turned my head certain ways. Now, I'm having pain in my right ribcage just under the bust on the side. It doesn't hurt when I touch it - the pain is from within. It's worse when I breathe deeply, cough, and when I sit/lay in certain positions. Last night, I was only able to get sleep by taking Tylenol and laying on my left side. By morning, it was gone... but it's starting up again. I have no idea what it could be, and no time to address it right now. I know that's highly irresponsible, but it's the truth. I'm also secretly hoping it will go away on its own. Then that would mean it wasn't anything serious, right?

Somebody has been smoking in the 3 family house in which we reside. I can smell it in our apartment and I can't seem to get the smell out of my nose. It's making me sick to my stomach and I don't know what to do about it. Brian insists he doesn't smell it and that I'm being oversensitive. Perhaps he's right since I can still smell it now and I'm at work... But it bothers me. If I can smell it, that means Margaret is breathing it in. I'm not happy about that at all. I go to great lengths to avoid smokers for her health, and it just plain sucks that after all my efforts, she gets exposed in our own home. Unfortunately, we can't afford to move right now. And even if we could, there is no way to escape what others do outside their own homes anyway. Unless you're in the middle of a large piece of land, you can't escape it. It's frustrating and irritating to be so helpless like this when my daughter's health is at stake. And it's everywhere we go. People in cars next to you at traffic lights, people in front of stores you want to shop in, people just walking by your house... and the worst are the people who do it with their children right there, held captive by their parents and forced to smoke. That should be considered child endangerment. There should be criminal charges and consequences for that. (SIGH)

So many more random thoughts, so little time....