Big Baby On The Way

Or at least, that's what the OB thinks. I had an appointment this afternoon and it all went well. I gained 1 lb since my last appointment for a grand total of 21 lbs in 32 weeks. My blood pressure was a little elevated but still within normal limits. My fundal height measurement was 34, though, 2 ahead of where I am. This is when the OB predicted that I will be having a big baby. I had a pretty good idea that that would happen anyway. I was the smallest of my mom's children and I was 7 lbs 15 oz when I was born. Brian's mom thinks he was 1 or 2 oz bigger than I was. Both of our moms proceeded to have bigger children, even going over 9 lbs. So it was pretty much a given that Peep wouldn't be a petite baby. Not that I'm expecting the 10 lb 4 oz child Brian predicted (and at that weight 2 weeks early, no less!). But it's safe to say that Peep will be between 8 and 9 lbs. Good thing I have wide hips. ;)

I did have a nice surprise waiting for me when I got home, though. The crib bedding that had traveled the East Coast 3 times now finally reached its destination. Everything was even intact! It's even nicer in person than the pictures were! Is it June yet? I can't wait to put it all on Peep's crib!

Crib Bedding Still En Route

FedEx hasn't updated their tracking since Tuesday evening, but as of that time, the bedding had returned to Fort Lauderdale - its point of origin. I did receive an email back from customer service when I first asked them about the barcode incident stating that they would get the package to me as soon as possible. Yet, tracking now shows an estimated delivery date of May 2nd, 12 days after the package was originally shipped. I wasn't too happy when I saw that. I sent them a bit of a nasty email yesterday which basically came down to how I couldn't understand how a company that's well-known for their overnight delivery could take 2 weeks to get a package to someone. It really is absurd. This email apparently prompted them to open a case file yesterday, but I have no idea what the file is about. It's been more than 24 hours since I've seen any updates to the tracking and since I've received their automated response. They probably marked my package to lose or damage it, just to get back at the cranky woman who complained to them. :-/ But when I worked in customer service for a mail order company, whenever we had a shipping issue that was our fault, we had to make amends to the customer. It only seems fair that FedEx should have expedited the delivery considering they screwed up and it should have been here long ago. I don't think I was being unreasonable complaining to them. But it doesn't look like my complaints will achieve any results in the end.

At least I don't even have the crib yet to put the bedding on, right?

Insurance Mystery Solved

After playing phone tag for a week and a half, I finally found out today what that lady's insurance company was calling me about. (For those of you who don't remember, this is in reference to the "accident" I had on April 6th... her insurance company has been calling and I try calling back, but we never seem to meet up.) They wanted my version of the accident, in extreme detail. They even asked me things like, "How fast was she going?" "What color was the light on her side?" "Was she distracted?" You know, questions I can't even answer. But I did the best I could with what I knew happened. I must have spent 10 minutes just answering questions about the accident. Then she told me she needs to send a claims adjuster out to take pictures of the damage to my vehicle. You know, the scratches on the bumper (which I had already told her that was the extent of the damage). I couldn't help myself and a huge sigh escaped. So I explained to her how I had already told the woman I wasn't planning on putting in a claim and that I intend to keep my word. She said that was fine but that they need the pictures for their file before they process her claim under her liability insurance for the damage to her car. I offered to take pictures myself and email them to her, which she had no problem with. So that's what I did. As soon as I got home from work, I took those photos and sent off that email. As long as she can open the files, I shouldn't hear from them again. Lesson learned: next time, just put in a claim. It doesn't save any headaches not to.

Crib Bedding Travels East Coast - Twice

I love technology. All of these things we have access to that we had no idea about before. I've been tracking Peep's crib bedding since it shipped on April 20th. It takes a couple days sometimes for FedEx to update what's been going on, but last night's update was a total surprise. Something look wrong here?

Apr 25, 2005
11:15 PM - Departed FedEx location - ORLANDO, FL
4:02 PM - Arrived at FedEx location - ORLANDO, FL
4:00 PM - Shipment exception - ORLANDO, FL - Barcode label unreadable and replaced

Apr 23, 2005
1:58 AM - Departed FedEx location - KEASBEY, NJ

Apr 22, 2005
2:19 PM - Arrived at FedEx location - KEASBEY, NJ

Apr 20, 2005
10:26 PM - Left origin - FORT LAUDERDALE, FL
8:25 PM - Package data transmitted to FedEx
6:54 PM - Arrived at FedEx location - FORT LAUDERDALE, FL
5:24 PM - Picked up - FORT LAUDERDALE, FL

I have to laugh because if I don't, I'll cry. I've seen something like this happen once before with a package I was waiting upon. I forgot where the shipper was located, but it came from the Massachusetts hub, went to Stamford, CT (usually our packages come from Waterbury, CT), then went back to Massachusetts, THEN finally went to the right hub for delivery.

I wonder how much longer it will take to get here if it took 5 days to get back to Florida?

Belly Shot!

31 weeks 3 days


Maybe I should have stuck with the same shirt?

Just Stuff

Peep is all set for daycare. I filled out the paperwork and paid the registration fee yesterday afternoon. It was the first time I had met the director in person, but I liked her immediately. She said over and over again that they would like for Peep and I to come by often before Peep is officially enrolled so Peep can get used to the place and they can get to know him/her. I thought that was pretty cool. She also said her own grandchildren go there, which speaks volumes to me. You wouldn't want your family at a less-than-stellar daycare, right? I mean, my MIL is a preschool teacher and has made it well known that she would NEVER want any of her grandchildren to attend where she teaches. So that also made me feel good about our decision. She told me there will be another baby starting the week before we expect Peep will be starting, so s/he'll have a buddy the same age from the start!

In other news, within about 2 hours of my buying the highchair we wanted (because I found it listed on eBay by the guy we got our stroller from for over $50 less than the sales price at the place we registered for it...and it was on a registry not very many people knew about anyway), the alternator on my truck died. It'll be $200 to buy a new one. Doesn't it just figure? We were within a half mile of Brian's friend's garage and he was there at the time, so at least the timing was good. He had an extra alternator for my truck laying around that he's letting us borrow until we get the new one. But still! I also found out that I need at least one new wheel bearing, possibly two. $90 each. Lucky me. At least I don't have to pay for labor.

Worries, Part 2

I spent some time last night poring over that list. I pulled up the Connecticut General Assembly's website to search the actual statutes to find out what these people were charged with. There really should be more information, shouldn't there? I found that even pulling up the actual statute isn't necessarily going to tell you what the charge was. For example, read the following which is CGS 53a-73a:

Sec. 53a-73a. Sexual assault in the fourth degree: Class A misdemeanor or class D felony. (a) A person is guilty of sexual assault in the fourth degree when: (1) Such person intentionally subjects another person to sexual contact who is (A) under fifteen years of age, or (B) mentally defective or mentally incapacitated to the extent that such other person is unable to consent to such sexual contact, or (C) physically helpless, or (D) less than eighteen years old and the actor is such other person's guardian or otherwise responsible for the general supervision of such other person's welfare, or (E) in custody of law or detained in a hospital or other institution and the actor has supervisory or disciplinary authority over such other person; or (2) such person subjects another person to sexual contact without such other person's consent; or (3) such person engages in sexual contact with an animal or dead body; or (4) such person is a psychotherapist and subjects another person to sexual contact who is (A) a patient of the actor and the sexual contact occurs during the psychotherapy session, or (B) a patient or former patient of the actor and such patient or former patient is emotionally dependent upon the actor, or (C) a patient or former patient of the actor and the sexual contact occurs by means of therapeutic deception; or (5) such person subjects another person to sexual contact and accomplishes the sexual contact by means of false representation that the sexual contact is for a bona fide medical purpose by a health care professional; or (6) such person is a school employee and subjects another person to sexual contact who is a student enrolled in a school in which the actor works or a school under the jurisdiction of the local or regional board of education which employs the actor; or (7) such person is a coach in an athletic activity or a person who provides intensive, ongoing instruction and subjects another person to sexual contact who is a recipient of coaching or instruction from the actor and (A) is a secondary school student and receives such coaching or instruction in a secondary school setting, or (B) is under eighteen years of age; or (8) such person subjects another person to sexual contact and (A) the actor is twenty years of age or older and stands in a position of power, authority or supervision over such other person by virtue of the actor's professional, legal, occupational or volunteer status and such other person's participation in a program or activity, and (B) such other person is under eighteen years of age.

About as clear as mud, right? So basically, a person charged with this could have done anything from coercing a person into having sex with him/her by telling the victim that it was for medical purposes to having relations with a sheep! These websites that list these registered offenders really need to give more specific information, in my opinion. Not that I condone any of this behavior, but if a guy decides to get a little too friendly with the barnyard animals, I wouldn't exactly consider that person to be a threat to my child...at least, not in the same sense as a person who actually targeted children. I don't understand how these people can be grouped together... It doesn't make any sense. Or maybe I'm just too thorough?

This afternoon I will be signing the contract with our daycare of choice. Fortunately, I didn't see anybody on this list that's affiliated with the daycare center (which means maybe they actually do perform the background checks that they claim to). Another checkmark, although this is one I wish I didn't have to do.

Worries Come Marching In

I saw a post today on Fertility Friend regarding listings of sex offenders. So I figured, gee, that's something I haven't checked before - maybe I should. 53. That's how many there are listed in my city. Of the 53, there are 4 or 5 within a few streets of where we live (although none on our street). A couple of them are even people I went to school with. Which goes to show you: #1 you definitely can't judge a book by its cover and #2 you can never be too safe.

The website is http://www.criminalcheck.com/. Connecticut also has its own website that includes photos: http://www.sor.state.ct.us.

I want to add that I did not put this up on here to start a debate. Many, many, many people reform after committing crimes. However, there are valid reasons to be concerned if a sex offender lives near you. And both of these websites indicate what exactly the person was charged with and when, so you can make the decision for yourself how concerned you should be about that individual. Sure, everyone is entitled to forgiveness. But an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Are You Scared?

Brian asked me that last night as we were going to bed. I told him no, women don't usually die in childbirth these days - I'll get through it.

"That's not what I meant. Are you scared that you'll be responsible for another person's life? That our lives will change forever?"

Well gee, it's a little late for that, isn't it? But no, I'm not. Yes, I'm worried about money. But I'm not worried about the rest of the details. I know it will be difficult, especially in the beginning. But I also know that I can do it, even if I will doubt myself at first.

Keep in mind, there are only 9 weeks left now. Single digits in the weeks left. 63 days until my due date, 41 days until I'll be full term. And we start preparing for labor at any time starting next Friday.

Alright. Maybe I'm a little scared... But it's nothing I can't handle!

BTW, I added a new feature in the left hand column. There's a game you can play (game name: BabyPeep) to guess the details of Peep's birth (including gender, since I can't remember who guessed what). Play along! It will be fun to see who gets closest to what happens!

Mission Accomplished!

Pediatrician found! I had the most awesome new patient consultation today! I thought it was pretty silly originally to choose a pediatrician because he is the son of the pediatrician I saw when I was little, but it certainly has worked out. He made it a point of explaining that his plan was to take what his father started and continue that as best he can. His father had a very family-focused practice, and the son does as well. He and his wife run the practice and while there are two of them, they are not working on having twice as many patients as his father had but rather about 1 to 1.2 times as many (his words). They want more quality time with their patients, not quantity of patients. Other great points about his practice:

• Office hours Mon, Tue, Thur, Fri 9AM-5PM and Wed and Sat mornings.


• They trade on call duties with a few other doctors in the area. So whenever I call, even on off hours, I will speak to a pediatrician--not a nurse or physicians assistant.


• If I call on off hours and one of the other doctors is on call, they get a list the next day of which of their patients made an off hours call and they follow up to make sure everything is okay.


• They fully support and recommend breastfeeding. They're also realistic and understand that if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.


• They want to see the baby more often in the beginning than the "guidelines" recommend. They want to get to know the child and offer support, especially to new parents. Again, quality time...they don't rush you out the door for these visits either but go through everything to make sure everything is addressed.


• If my child is ill or something happens, they can get me in right away during office hours-he said usually within 10 minutes. That's part of the reason why even though there are 2 doctors there, they will only carry the patient load of (pretty much) one doctor. So there's backup to take over if a sick call comes in or a parent needs to talk about some issues during a regularly scheduled appointment.

He kept saying how much he enjoys working with children and how thankful he is to be able to do so. I got a great vibe from him and I really love his philosophy. So, this was an easy one. One interview and I've found our baby's doctor! Woohoo!!

Now What?

I'm in limbo again. Nothing else to buy. Nothing else to do. Well, kind of. I'm meeting with Peep's pediatrician-to-be tomorrow morning. And I have to call the daycare to set up an appointment to sign a contract and pay the deposit. I also have the hospital tour, but that's not until May 14th. Everything else has to wait until after my shower and/or until the furniture arrives. So now what? I have some various filing and shredding of documents to do, but that's not much fun. And besides, that will only take an afternoon at the most.

Last night I pulled out the "learn to knit" kit that I bought when I first found out I was pregnant with Peep. Those of you who have followed my blog know that I dabbled in learning to knit this past fall and early winter. It didn't last long because I can't sit still long enough to be content with knitting. But I had this kit for making a newborn hat and booties sitting around, so I figured I'd give it a go again. After all, it won't take as long as a blanket would and it's not like I have anything else pressing to do. Maybe I'll have enough patience to at least finish the hat? The other reason I've put off doing this kit? It scares me. I don't know how to decrease or do ribbing (both are required in this kit) and the one time I did try ribbing, it didn't go well. But I'm 7 rows into it now so I have to finish it. :D Time to conquer the fear!

Boredom sets in too easily for me. My interests are constantly changing, probably because I bore easily. I always need to be doing something though. If I sit on the couch watching TV, the iBook is there with me. If I'm eating lunch, I'm also reading or (again) using the iBook. I even have the news or something like that on in the background when I'm reading! So not only is it impossible for me to sit and do nothing, but I'm usually doing two things at once. So now what? What kind of trouble will I get myself into this time now that I've run out of things that need to be done for the time-being?

Updated Progress

After driving all over the state today to find more of the cloud fabric, we were finally able to find some at 5:30PM today. So here it is, the finished alcove (minus the crib, of course):




It is a small room, so it's difficult to photograph it well, but I'm very impressed with how it turned out. And in the end, it cost about the same as it would have to paint the room, so it's not too bad.

Progress!

Seeing as we are now in single digits of weeks left (9 weeks and, given the time of day I'm writing this, almost 4 days until my due date) I'm getting a little frantic now about finishing things up. We're running out of weekends! And with the OB freaking me out yesterday when she told me we would basically be preparing for labor to happen at any time starting with 32 weeks, it only made me more frantic. So it was time to return to the checklist of things to do and see if we could get a couple more things checked off.

• Speak to Dr. C about being baby's pediatrician. I have an appointment with him for this coming Wednesday.


• Schedule Maternity Tour. Well, I tried to do this. I contacted the hospital yesterday to see if I could go next Saturday since their website says they do tours on Saturday mornings. They responded saying that they don't have tours every Saturday and that I needed to tell them my due date and then they would let me know if they had anything available before then. :-/ So it looks like we'll be going on May 14th. I hope Peep doesn't decide to come before then. As it is, I *still* don't know how to get to this hospital, but I know even less about where L&D is.


• Choose Daycare. I'm done reviewing the daycare centers we decided to tour. I will be calling the director at the Children's Learning Center this week to set up a time to sign a contract and put down the required $210 deposit. I still don't know how we'll pay for it every week, but I guess I have until August to figure that out entirely. Somebody has to watch Peep, after all!


• Buy dresser/armoire. Originally, I thought my mom was doing this in addition to the crib, but I found out when we went crib shopping a few weeks ago that this was not the case - so this was a late addition to our list. We decided to go looking at used furniture stores this weekend in hopes of finding something suitable and cheaper than the case pieces that go with the crib. We also had considered unfinished furniture, but there's not much time left and Brian isn't all that great about finishing projects. We did find a set that was reasonably priced and well-constructed (even dovetail joints on the drawers!) but the color didn't match enough to make Brian happy. So we went to his Mom's house to see if she had anything at her house, since she had a lot of his grandparents' furniture from when they passed away. She did have her dresser from when she was a child, but it REALLY didn't match the crib at all. It was at this point that she offered to buy a matching case piece, saying she didn't know what to get us anyway. I couldn't believe my ears! (Well, I could and I couldn't... Brian's Mom is *extremely* generous, almost the opposite of my mother... but I had figured that by now, she had purchased whatever she would purchase and I didn't expect her to offer to buy us furniture.) She let us pick any piece that matched, so we went with the 5-drawer chest (pictured below). She's putting in the order Monday. This does mean that the chest will probably come in after Peep is born, but I think we can make due until then.
  


• Rearrange Peep's room to accomodate crib and dresser. I really got to work on this earlier in the week because I was eager to get a dresser in there this weekend. This also ended up resulting in some changes in our plans. Brian's desk and computer went to the kitchen where the pack 'n play was. I figured it would be easier for him to use it there without having to worry about disturbing Peep. We also decided recently to get a mini co-sleeper for in the beginning since I do plan on BFing. This meant that we really didn't need the pack 'n play at all anymore since we mainly purchased it to use in the beginning (without realizing what a huge behemoth it really was!). So instead of trying to squeeze it into our apartment elsewhere, I went to Babies R Us on Friday and returned it. That was quite the ordeal in and of itself since I didn't have the box anymore. But after they were able to see that all the pieces were there and that the PNP obviously hadn't been used, they let me return it - minus 20%. I took the loss, figuring there was no way we'd get our $160 out of it anyway if we kept it. The refund ended up being how much the mini co-sleeper costs, so I exchanged it for that. Soooooo... in the meantime, I have the mini co-sleeper in Peep's room to keep me from cluttering up the spot for the crib. But it also definitely fits in our tiny bedroom, so it will work (but I kept the box, just in case ;) ).

Rearranging Peep's room led to some nursery envy, though. I've seen all these beautiful nurseries developing in the forums I visit, yet I couldn't do anything because we rent our apartment. There was ugly dark paneling in that room and surface wiring for the light and light switch. Not at all pleasant. But Brian and I saw something pretty cool on TV the other night that sparked an idea. So we headed off to Jo-Ann's Fabrics this evening, found some suitable fabric, and went to work. Not bad, although I'm hoping I can find some more fabric to extend it a little bit. But at least the "alcove" is covered:






It's kind of hard to tell, but the fabric on the ceiling has little stars all over it. I'm not sure how great it will look with the crib set we purchased, but at least it brightens up the room a little bit and makes it more cheery.

So I guess I can say I accomplished something. I don't have much tangible proof of it, but at least there are a couple more check marks on my list.

EDITED TO ADD: We just got a call from my MIL asking if we would like the changing table that goes with the crib and chest, too! Like I've said, she's always been extremely generous, but she's totally outdone herself! We don't even have a bedroom set (our mattress and box spring are on a free frame and my dressers were freebies leftover at a house Brian's uncle purchased, his was his father's from his childhood), while our child will be totally outfitted, thanks to his/her Grandmas (but most particularly, Brian's mom!). What a lucky kid!

(The changing table is the combo dresser on the bottom, without the hutch [that's a separate purchase].) All I can say is "Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!"

TGIF!

What a week! I really just wanted to spend the weekend shut away in my apartment, as far away from the roads as possible. But I had a regular OB appointment this afternoon so I had to brave the roads once more. And believe it or not, I ALMOST got hit...again!! I've decided my truck has earned the name "Christine." It obviously has a death wish and is communicating this to the other vehicles. Luckily, I escaped unscathed...but driving is just not the same. I tense up at every traffic light, every time there are 2 lanes, and any time somebody gets too close to me. I used to enjoy driving and now it's the last thing I want to do.

Needless to say, my blood pressure was a little up at the appointment. 122/84, which isn't bad (in fact, it's lower than the readings I used to get when I first started going there), but it is higher than what I've had lately. The nurse weighed me on this ancient scale today that I am sure was not calibrated. Isn't the needle supposed to be in the middle when it's on 0? This needle was floored. I ended up with a total gain (according to the dysfunctional scale) of 20 lbs. I expected a lecture from the Dr. W, but actually, she was ecstatic. She said I was doing great with my weight gain, which really puzzled me. I reminded her that she told me she didn't want me going over 20 lbs. She told me that, for most women, she'll tell them they shouldn't gain more than 10 lbs, for example, and they'll gain 60 lbs. I guess when you look at it that way, I am doing well. I still hate seeing those numbers creep up though. After that she measured my belly and we listened to Peep's heart (yup, still beating away!) and that was about it. We went over my birth plan (no problems there). Then she told me that starting at my next appointment (2 weeks from now) they would start giving me a copy of my records to carry with me at all times, in case I go into labor and have to go to the hospital. Somehow, that really scared me. I keep thinking in terms of weeks... I have 9 weeks 6 days left. Peep can't possibly be born much before that, right? So preparing for a birth at any time starting at 32 weeks is a bit freaky to me. I can't even get in for my hospital tour until May 14th! Heck, I still don't know how to get to the hospital!

I Am Not Driving Anymore

That's it, I think it's time to hang up my keys. I got hit. Again. Twice in just a little over a week.

I was driving back to work from lunch and there was a utility truck parked all the way to the right under the underpass. So we were taking turns going around the truck. I ended up letting 3 cars go (mainly because nobody would let me go) when I started to go through the underpass. This big blue pickup truck starts coming from the other side and all I could think was, "There isn't enough room! Can't he see? There isn't enough room!" Well, he didn't care. He went barreling through, taking off my driver's side mirror in the process. I was stunned. I stopped on the spot, looking to see if he at least pulled over so I could get his info. I turned around and saw him accelerating, fleeing the scene as quickly as he could. I couldn't even get the license plate number.

Shock. I pulled through the underpass, and then parked in front of the utility truck. An elderly gentleman had seen the whole thing and went into the road to retrieve my mirror. I asked him if he saw the license plate, but he hadn't.

I didn't know what to do. I called Brian and proceeded to bawl almost the second he picked up the phone. Now what? No description, no license plate, and more damage to my truck. There was nothing to do. He told me to calm down and just go back to work. To not worry about it.

Just what I need... I now have to PAY to replace the mirror (because we have a $1000 deductible, so if I put in a claim, they won't pay anyway) for something that ISN'T EVEN MY FAULT! As it is, I've been nervous driving since what happened last week. And now this.

I'm turning in my license and keys.

CONGRATULATIONS LAUREN & JOHN!!!

I just got the call this morning from Lauren.

Welcome to the world, Ava Day!!!!!
Born 10:14PM April 13, 2005 ~ 7 lbs 6 oz

Lauren will give the long version of what happened when she has a chance, I'm sure. But this is what she told me:

She got to 5 cm in hard labor when the doctor decided to do a C-section because Ava still had not dropped. It's a good thing, too, because she would have been born sunny side up (face up, for those who are not familiar...quite a painful type of labor and delivery). Lauren also added that an epidural is a wonderful thing. :D

Congratulations again, Lauren & John! We look forward to the many, many pictures of Ava that you will share with us!!!

Lauren Update!!!!

I am happy to report that I got the call from Lauren! They were FINALLY able to get her in for her induction, so she's on her way to the hospital! Best wishes, Lauren!! Here's hoping Pea comes quickly and easily!!

Intolerance

I guess this is the week that just won't get any better. This morning I was greeted at work with discussion of how morally wrong it is for Connecticut to allow civil unions for gay couples. I don't know how many of you out there are familiar with this controversy, but I guess Connecticut is the first state to seek this right without request from its residents, so it's been in the news quite a bit. It's a step in the right direction, I guess. But what about marriage?

Here I sit, listening to the so-called "Christians" in the room vehemently protest this subject. The Catholic states that she will not vote for any representative who votes in favor. The "born-again" Christian agrees. Then they start all over again about how it's wrong and how this country is going down the tubes. If this goes on all day, I may lose my mind... I'm already close to the edge as it is.

I guess I'm just too progressive for the environment in which I work. I don't believe in defining love as only being for those who are of opposite sexes. If you truly love somebody, it doesn't matter. Just like it doesn't matter if you're black, white, green, red, whatever, it shouldn't matter if you're male-female or female-female or male-male. Love is love. What's mine should be yours. Why should I be entitled to benefits because I'm married to my husband but others are denied those same benefits because their relationship is outside the scope of what's accepted? Their love isn't any less than my love for my husband. So why deny them? As I said, civil union is a start...but what about marriage? Why is it okay to distinguish one kind of relationship for one group and another kind for another group? We're taught not to discriminate based on age, race, creed, educational background, mental disability, physical disability, etc. for just about everything in this country, so why is it okay to discriminate in this manner based sexual orientation? Why do they preach tolerance and then act so intolerant? It's just not right...

It's also because of this extreme hypocrisy that I shifted away from my religious upbringing long ago. Yes, not everyone feels this way. But considering I am constantly surrounded by those who not only do, but are very vocal about it, it's easy to see why I would feel that wasn't the right place for me. I don't know what is...but I can't associate myself with any group that would preach love and then fight to define love as only being acceptable if it's between a man and a woman. A group that teaches "judge not, lest ye be judged" yet is full of those who are open and free with their judgments. Whatever happened to "love they neighbor"? I guess it went to the wayside when we became the Puritanical society we are today...

EDITED TO ADD: I want to add that, at least from what I learned in college, marriage was *not* originally a religious sacrament. I believe that didn't happen until quite a few centuries after Christ. This is something I keep in mind all the time... Originally, marriage was essentially a sales contract. Here's my daughter and I'll pay you in cows, chickens, and land to take her...PLEASE! Seriously, though, knowledge of this history of marriage colors my viewpoint here. The other part of it is that we as a society continually use the Christian definition of many things (marriage included, in this case). Yes, this country was founded by Christians, HOWEVER there is supposed to be separation of church and state in government. Governments defining marriage based on the current teachings that it is a holy sacrament in the Christian church sounds like an overstepping of boundaries, to me. We do live in a country that allows freedom of religion to its citizens, after all, so why use the narrow definition from one religion for rules when the rules apply to ALL citizens of this country, whether that is their belief system or not?

I am glad that I have this forum to speak my mind openly. I also appreciate that those who visit have no intention of sparking a debate here. I thank you for your tolerance of my viewpoint here.

Bad Day

Well, bad couple of days. I'm starting to get irritable and quick to anger. I have been so even-keeled over this pregnancy that this is really driving me crazy. Yesterday while still on vacation, I got all frustrated because I couldn't find anything fun to do while Brian was skiing. I didn't feel like driving around anymore, shopping wasn't any fun because I can't find anything for me and we don't know if Peep is a she or he so I wasn't going to spend a lot of money while 2 states away on him/her (I have enough gender neutral stuff, after all). I did find a Motherhood Maternity outlet...they had all of 5 things in my size. So I headed back to get Brian at the time we pre-determined and he decided to take another hour to get back to the car, even though I radioed him when I got there. I was pretty livid by the time he got there..especially since I was having wicked hot flashes and I couldn't even keep the windows in the car open because of the high winds blowing sand around in the parking lot.

Today it continued. I had an eye doctor's appointment at 12:30PM. I arrived at 12:20PM and the assistant took me in right away to do the preliminaries, but I didn't see the doctor until 1:30PM. We're allowed 1 hour for doctors' appointments at work without it being charged to our sick time...obviously, I had to charge some of it to sick time, which frustrated me. Then the assistant couldn't figure out how to charge part of my contacts to insurance, and the other one couldn't figure out my address. She typed up a new ledger card with my name misspelled. I went to Fashion Bug after work hoping to find some clothes, because I'm having a bit of a clothes crisis now. Yes, they have maternity...but nothing in my size. GRRRRRR! I came home, took the dog out, and she refused to pee. GRRRRR! I flipped out and threw the clothes in our laundry basket across our bedroom, totally p'd off about nothing fitting (did I mention that I didn't have a chance to laundry when I got home so I had to wear too-small underwear all day?). The state of our apartment didn't help matters any. So I gave the dog a bath, did dishes, and dusted. I got Brian to vacuum 2 rooms (and he's much more thorough than I am) but he also decided to take apart the vacuum at one point because it wasn't working well enough.

I was starting to feel better when we got a call at 9PM from a number I didn't recognize. I shouldn't have answered, but I did anyway. It was the woman I had the accident with last week. She started by asking me when I would report the accident to my insurance company. I should have picked up on where it was going then, but I didn't. So I told her no, I wasn't planning on it because I wasn't planning on putting in a claim. Silence was her response while she tried to compute. It turns out she was under the impression that *I* was at fault for the accident. She tells me that she ran into someone today who told her I ran the red light (the light was *yellow* when I went through it, as I already told the officer because I have such a guilty conscience that I couldn't help myself). She asked me what happened because she didn't even know what did, and I once again explained the situation, just as I had told the officer. She apparently has fender damage and (I assume) was planning on putting in the claim to *my* insurance company but said, "I guess I'll just call mine." That's when I said, "I don't know what the officer told you, but when he gave me the report, he said you were at fault and I was to call *your* insurance company to put in the claim. I decided it wasn't worth the hassle for some scratches on the bumper, though, so I didn't call them." I have a feeling this won't go away. I got off the phone and Brian gave me a hard time for admitting that the light was yellow when I went through it because she could try to sue me now. I lost it and started bawling. I've had enough. As if today wasn't bad enough, now this comes back yet again. Why won't it go away? It wasn't my fault, I didn't ask for it, but now I have to keep dealing with it. And I can tell where it's going...the next thing will be a letter from her attorney. I don't think I was wrong for not calling the insurance company. I wasn't going to put in a claim, so why bother, you know? It wasn't my fault, after all, so why give my insurance a chance to raise my rates? I was told in the past, actually, that you only call your own insurance if it was your fault, so why bother? I have the police report, but what else? If she sues me now (which is the absolute last thing I need... I will entirely lose it if that happens), I'll have to fight it. I'll lose time at work (which means losing time with Peep since I'll have to give up vacation time that I would have used for maternity leave) all because of an accident THAT ISN'T EVEN MY FAULT!!!!

Can I just curl up in a ball and stay there then next 2 months?

Checking In From New Hampshire

It's so nice to get away! We got up here pretty late last night due to our silly insistence on going the scenic route. Didn't even get in to the condo until around 8PM and we arrived at my favorite restaurant (Woodstock Station) at 9PM for dinner. That was a big mistake. They have live entertainment on weekend nights, and it had just started. It was very loud and quite annoying, especially considering the performers were within 20 feet of our table. On top of that, since smoking is allowed in New Hampshire (I forgot about that...no smoking allowed in restaurants in Connecticut) and the lounge was attached to the dining area, it got quite smokey in there. Brian didn't seem to notice, but I did and it was making me SICK! The service was terrible, even though there were only 4 other tables of people. And the food wasn't even that great. I was extremely disappointed. I don't think that's my favorite restaurant anymore. :(

Sleeping in a strange place is always hard on me. Usually the problem is the quiet or the strange noises I'm not used to. Noise wasn't a problem for me at the condo because there's a waterfall directly behind the unit. No kidding! Since I normally sleep with a white noise machine on, this was perfect. However, I couldn't get my internal thermostat under control (I kept getting too hot), so I still didn't sleep well.

This morning we went to our favorite breakfast spot. Ironically, it's a restaurant owned and operated by the same people as my (now former) favorite dinner spot. They're even in the same historic building! Breakfast was fantastic! Everybody gets homemade sticky buns with their meals, plus bread made from the spent grains used at their brewery. Yummy! Then it was time to drop Brian off and start my adventure.

The scenery on the way from Cannon Mountain to North Conway was beautiful. But my shopping trip was disappointing. I can't shop for clothes, and everything else makes me feel guilty since I know we need to buy baby things. I bought a poster for Brian, some gourmet dog treats for Becky, and a sundress (yes, another dress!) for Peep at the Gap outlet, but that was it. I could have used some maternity clothes but neither the Gap nor Old Navy outlets had any. :( So I headed back to get Brian.

Dinner was at my 2nd (now 1st, I think) favorite restaurant, the Common Man. What's ironic is that while it's called the Common Man, the fare is mostly haughty-taughty. Brian and I are both picky eaters so it's amazing that we would like this place, but the service is great and they have some unique quirks. Like cheese and crackers for everyone. And everyone gets some of their homemade white chocolate. I had a white chocolate martini the first time we ate there (obviously some time ago) but I couldn't have that today, so I had white chocolate mousse for dessert. YUM! Then it was back to the condo, which is where I am now.

Pictures:

Waterfall in Crawford Notch


Mount Washington Resort (with Mount Washington in the background)


Mount Washington


Me in front of the waterfall behind the condo

TGIF!

I am feeling MUCH better today! Thank goodness, too, since I'll be spending at least 4 hours in a car this afternoon. We're escaping to New Hampshire for the weekend. Pretty much the whole time we've been together, we've visited the White Mountains region in New Hampshire at least once a year. Brian introduced me to it early on because his father brought him and his sisters up there often. I LOVE that area! Unfortunately, we haven't been able to visit much lately. Last year, with all that was going on with being pregnant, then losing Arabella, then being depressed, then getting pregnant again, we never did make it there. We did go to the Adirondacks to visit Brian's uncle in August (a new favorite!) as well as Warren, Vermont in March 2004 (for both of us to ski) and Stowe, Vermont in December 2004 (for Brian to ski and me to shop). I'm not complaining - we've obviously gotten away quite a bit. I just miss it. The year before we went to New Hampshire in August, but we had Becky with us so we weren't able to do many of the things we normally do.

What's really cool is that this trip will cost us very little (much like our trip to the Adirondacks). A guy Brian has skiied with a couple times offered his condo to us, free of charge. He also ended up with 2 free lift tickets for Cannon and Loon. So that just leaves gas and food. Becky will be staying with my father in law for the weekend, so we don't even have to pay for boarding! I can't wait to get on the road!

In other news, I called my mother to let her know where we would be this weekend (I do that any time we go away). She told me that the crib is ordered (YAY!!) AND it ended up ringing up for $30 less than the sale price! She checked and double checked and it's definitely the right crib...what a great surprise! I asked her what the rails came to (we asked her to order the conversion rails at the same time so the finish would match, but we planned on paying for them) and I got my second surprise - she and my sister decided they would pay for those, too! The rails and crib came to $400 all together, the same as the list price for the crib alone. We have to buy the mattress, but I don't have a problem with that. I guess my mom was so thrilled about the deal she got that she decided to give a little more...and I'm very appreciative!! Let's see... 10 weeks 6 days until my due date, and the crib should be here in about 9 weeks 3 days to 11 weeks 3 days. I'm so impatient though...I hope it comes early!

Ick!

A stomach bug has been going around at work and I'm wondering if I'm incubating it now. I felt fine when I woke up this morning. Ate breakfast, showered, dressed, and went to work. And by 9:30AM, my stomach was starting to turn sour. I got all hot (a wonderful new thing I'm experiencing anyway...hot flashes at the dop of a hat), my head started to feel fuzzy, and my stomach was queasy. Sometimes I feel like this if I'm hungry, so I figured I'd eat my apple and see if it went away. It didn't. I tried peanut butter crackers next, figuring that since fruit *never* fills me up, maybe I just needed something with a little more staying power. Still nothing. By 11AM, I gave my body an ultimatum. It had until noon to go back to normal. If I still felt icky, I would go home.

At about 11:50AM, my boss came over to talk to me and apparently I didn't look so good from the look on her face. She asked what was wrong and as soon as I told her, she said I should go home, that it was probably the same thing she just went through as well as another co-worker in our office. So I did. I'm home now and have been for almost 4 hours.

I'm not good at staying home though... Being there alone (i.e. without somebody in the way) makes me think of all the things I need to do or should be doing. I wrote out a card I've been meaning to do all week. I caught up on email. I started a load of laundry. Finally, I stepped back from it all and laid down on the couch to nap. Obviously, it wasn't a long nap.

Hopefully it is this 24 hour bug that everyone's getting, though, so it will be gone before we leave for our weekend away tomorrow. We're going up to the White Mountains in New Hampshire so Brian can go skiing one last time. I was going to go outlet shopping but I've pretty much blown my spending money on that crib set I ordered yesterday, so I guess I'll just be doing a lot of window shopping. Or sleeping at the condo if this doesn't go away. All I know is, I better have my appetite back because I've been wanting to eat at our 2 favorite restaurants there (the Common Man and the Woodstock Station/Clement Room Grille) for a LONG time now. We used to go visit that area every year for at least a weekend, but last year we went to the Adirondacks instead and the year before, we had Becky with us so we couldn't eat out (we also stayed in a different area about 1 hour away from where we usually stay). It will probably be a while before we get up there again after Peep is born so I'd like to be able to enjoy it. Here's hoping!

I'm So Bad!

I just can't resist all this adorable baby stuff! I reasoned myself out of a bedding set before because of the fact that you only use the bumper for a few months and the diaper stackers that usually are a part of the set are useless... Logically, it's a big waste of money. All the baby needs is a sheet after all... But looking at cribs lately has renewed my interest in crib sets. Seeing all these cribs with beautiful (and *very* expensive sets) made me lust for one for Peep. The company that makes the crib we're getting also makes bedding sets and there was a beautiful dragonfly one by them on display at the local boutique. But it was as much money as the crib!! And while I could have registered for one at Babies R Us, there just wasn't anything there that caught my eye... Well, other than Wendy Bellissimo's Sir Leapsalot, but that's $300!

So I was browsing eBay this morning, looking for a good deal, and I found a custom 5 piece bedding set that fits the bill. I emailed it to Brian because the auction would be ending around noon and waited for a response. The first thing he said was, "Isn't this a bit expensive?" The current bid was $158.99, around the same as all the bedding sets at Babies R Us, which I reminded him. Then he said, "Why don't you register for one and let someone else buy it?" So I had to explain how I didn't like anything they had at BRU. He tried again: "Isn't it a bit girly?" The set is red, sage, and cream with dragonflies and ladybugs. Alright, it's a bit on the girly side...but aren't bugs a boy thing, too? ;) Besides, it's not like Peep will know the difference! "Won't the kid just poop and puke on it?" Well...maybe? But that doesn't mean s/he doesn't deserve a nice set! "We don't have anything that costs that much!" Well, we have our down comforter... "But we don't poop or puke on that!" No...but our dog has peed on it a few times.

He didn't seem happy about it at all, though, so I decided not to get it and we hung up. About 15 minutes later, he called me back. "Check your email." I did as commanded and found an email from him granting permission to get it if I *really* wanted it. So I thought about it...for all of 2 minutes...and put in a bid. And ended up winning it. Yes, it's more money than we've spent on bedding for us. In fact, we don't even have a headboard on our bed, so it's not like we spend money on our own needs. But like I told him, if we convert the crib to a toddler bed before using it as a full size bed, we should be able to get 3-4 years out of it...not to mention using it for our next kid. :) I just hope nobody complains to me about it being too girly... ;)


I think it will look great with our crib!


I can't wait to get the crib and bedding so I can put it all together!!

A Little Fun

I discovered this on another blog today and thought I'd give it a shot:

Take the quiz: "What does your birth month reveal about you?"

October
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

My father always dismissed astrology as nonsense. Logically, what he said makes sense. How could thousands/millions of people who share the same birthday have the same fate for the day? How could people born in the same month have the same traits? However, I see myself pretty consistently in a lot of descriptions for Libras, as well as in this one that I happened upon today. How does one explain that, then? And the choice of words here. My first ever handle online (back in the old BBS days): Day-Dreamer. Interesting...

For the heck of it, I checked out Brian's (which will also be Peep's):

June
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

Well, most of that applies. He certainly can be stubborn and a procrastinator. But he's not talkative by far and what's with the "prone to getting colds"? Does this mean I'm in for a hectic childhood with Peep, too? Once again, it's a bit creepy how close (most) of this is!

Daycare, Part 2

We toured the 2nd daycare today. This will be our last tour... There are only 4 daycare centers in town. Of the 4, 1 of them isn't open late enough on Thursdays (the day Brian would have to do pickup). Another is part of the YMCA, and I've seen their daycare rooms before when I had my Y membership - I wasn't impressed. We toured one last Monday, and toured the last one today. I was not impressed with this one, either.

The daycare we toured today always gets rave reviews. Everyone knows someone who has a child there and is pleased. So I really tried to have an open mind. But when I walked in the door and there was no security system in place, nor an office or person anywhere near the entrance, I pretty much lost interest. It seemed too easy for anyone and everyone to waltz in and approach the kids. In addition, the cubbies for information for parents are right by the door, and it's also where parents are supposed to leave payment. There's nothing to stop anyone from just taking your payment envelope and walking away.

It took a few minutes to find someone who knew what was going on, but eventually, we walked into the employee break room and had someone there find a person to take us on our tour. We were brought to the infant room, which really wasn't bad, but were told that they would be moving the room to the one next door because it's warmer in the winter. There was a young girl in there who was in charge (I hesitate to call her a teacher...I'll get into that in a minute) and 4 babies. Their staff:baby ratio is 1:4, just like the other place and as the law requires. All the books say 1:3 is best, but it's nowhere to be found around here. The babies all looked happy, but they were either in exersaucers or on the floor playing by themselves while the caregiver watched or cleaned.

Some of the policies were the same. They fill out an information form every day so the parents know what their child did. But some were not: most noticeably, the lack of focus on education. It appeared that the babies would be plopped down to entertain themselves or play all day (or veg in an exersaucer), which I was not at all fond of. I've said it many times before, but I mean it. If I can't spend all day with my child, I want him/her to learn something. I wouldn't put my baby in an exersaucer all day and I don't expect her caregiver to do so either.

I haven't made my final decision yet, although I am very much leaning toward the other place. They're in the process of rewriting their contract and policy book so I'm waiting for a copy of the revised edition, which I was told would be in about a week. They're also supposed to do some renovations (probably before we would require their services), including *some* kind of security system using a passcode. But it wouldn't restrict access to the building. But everyone says you should follow your gut instincts and mine are telling me to pass, in spite of its convenience (maybe 3 minutes from my house and work) and being $30 cheaper every week. Yes, it will be a struggle to come up with that extra $30 (and that sounds really sad, I know) but to me, it's worth it. I promise to withhold my decision until I have all the information though.

In other news, we did our "Childbirth Education" this weekend. The DVD set arrived on Friday so we watched it Saturday night. It was like Childbirth Class "light". There were no real couples shown (although for some reason, Brian thought some of the "couples" were really couples) and no scenes of actual childbirth (which was fine by me!). It was a little hokey with the humor they tried to infuse it with, but a bit funny, too. I thought it was laid out logically and I did learn a couple things, but not much. Brian asked me if there would be a quiz afterwards when we started watching it and I told him no, but I did ask him a few questions the next day to see if he paid attention at all. Amazingly, he did, LOL! The DVDs didn't get much into the pluses and minuses of "natural" versus medicated childbirth, but I've done my own research on that. I'm still glad we didn't have to go to a "real" class but now I can at least say I'm a little more prepared. I am working on getting a schedule of Infant CPR classes in the area because that was highly recommended by the OB (and with good reason, I believe!). I also wanted to sign up for a breastfeeding class but I haven't found anything that would work with my schedule yet. I guess I better get reading on that!

Resolutions

It was a looooooong weekend after what happened Friday. The weather pretty much reflected my mood: gray and miserable. It's been a while since I've felt so gloomy, but it was hard not to. My mother has had many insensitive moments before, but Friday seemed to take the cake and it really upset me.

Brian put so much effort into trying to pull me out of it. Saturday he planned on shopping for new ski boots (end of season clearance sales) and even offered to bring me to the mall, which he absolutely hates. He couldn't believe it when I refused, but I didn't feel like shopping. We did drive over to the Berlin Turnpike so we could check out USA Baby, since it was closed Friday night when mom and I went. I wish she had been able to get in: she would have seen how reasonably priced the crib we chose was in comparison to the higher-end Italian brands and others that were $600+. In the middle of the store, we found the crib we wanted on sale for $330, $30 cheaper than the local boutique. They also offered no-fee layaway with only 1/2 down to order it and the rest due when it comes in, or I could make payments along the way.

I woke up from a restless sleep at about 4:45AM on Sunday (well, really 5:45AM...I forgot to set the clock ahead) with an idea. Brian and I had put aside some money for the important things we'll need in case we don't get them at a shower (convertible carseat, breast pump, etc.). I decided that we could probably manage to come up with half of the cost of the crib to put it on layaway, and in the 10 weeks that it would take for the crib to come in, we should be able to put aside enough money to pay off the rest of it. I didn't like the idea of mom being able to hold this crib over me like she is...it just isn't right. I was so excited, I ended up waking Brian up at about 5:30AM (6:30AM) to tell him my plan. It seemed like the perfect solution to me, even though it would make money a bit tighter. I was so crestfallen when he dismissed it entirely and rolled over to go back to sleep.

Much of Sunday morning was spent trying to convince him that my plan was the only way to go. He kept saying, "Why should we pay for it if she will? We don't have the money." But it really bothered me how much she complained about it on Friday. I told him she could always buy something closer to what she planned on spending in the first place if she wanted to get us a gift... It took a while, but I finally convinced him around 12:30PM. I called my mother next to give her the news... Thank you, but we will buy the crib since it's more money than you want to spend. I rehearsed it over and over again in my head, hoping I could get the words out the way I planned and without sounding like a whiney child. Ring ring ring...my brother answers. He has no idea where mom is and dad is taking a nap. Nobody else is home. So I try her cell phone. Ring ring ring...voicemail. Somehow, it's easier to get it all out when I know she won't interrupt me. But this leaves us in a pickle...what if she's out getting the crib? Not likely, but it wouldn't work to end up with 2 of them, so now we have to wait for her to call back. Sometimes she works on the weekends so I tried her work number...no answer. So I paged her. Still nothing. I try my parents house again to see if my dad has awakened, but he has not. My brother tells me he also tried paging mom, so all we can do is wait. Within 15 minutes, she calls back...

Her attitude is entirely different than it was on Friday. She tells me that she *is* buying the crib and will be going tomorrow (Monday) to put it on layaway. She said she thought about it and decided the other ones were really cheaply made and besides, my sister will be pitching in toward the cost of it anyway. So now I feel like the fool because I have no idea what to say to her... I try to explain my point of view, that we wanted to do this because it was more money than she wanted to spend, but nope... She's over that now. She's going to buy it.

I tell Brian and of course, he's thrilled. But I'm worried. I know my mother wouldn't have come to a revelation like that on her own. Who do I have to thank for the turnabout? Even if she's feeling differently about it now (or faking it), I have a feeling this will come up again sometime later on in mom's tallies of how expensive each of us has been for her. While we couldn't really afford it, I still kind of wish we had just been able to get the crib ourselves... Then I wouldn't have to worry about when this will come back to bite me in the end. But I'm happy it's being taken care of at least... I have to take solace in the good things, right?

As for the smoking, I have no idea what to do about that. I've told her many times that our child will not visit her house if she doesn't quit. She didn't smoke for 13-14 years. In that time my father did smoke, but he was forced to do so outside...she smokes in the house so the whole place smells like an ashtray. She claims she will quit before the baby comes (my father does, too) but seeing as there are only 11.5 weeks left, it's getting less and less likely to happen. It's her own house, I know, and she can do whatever she wants there. We just won't go there. But the problem obviously is that she has no consideration even when she's outside her home and I'm not sure how to deal with that. I don't understand how, after how abundantly clear I've made it that I do not want her to smoke around me or around our child-to-be, she continues to be so oblivious. And while it isn't right to keep a child from his/her grandparent, right now, it's the only solution I can see to prevent this health issue from becoming a problem for us.

I Should Have Known Better

Yesterday was crib shopping day with Mom. She had actually picked out the crib she would buy us about a month and a half ago at Babies R Us (a $200 single-dropside crib with a lot of plastic parts). But when I showed it to Brian, he was not impressed. Neither was I when she said she would buy it, but I didn't want to "look a gift horse in the mouth", know what I mean? So I bit the bullet and mentioned to her that Brian didn't really like the crib she picked out and asked if she would go with me to look at the cribs at a local baby boutique since they're having a sale right now. She agreed to go with me Friday after she got out of work.

She arrived at my apartment reeking of smoke. We've discussed this many times now. My mom had quit smoking in 1989 but started again a couple years ago when she and my father were going through a rough spot in their marriage. When she was a non-smoker, she couldn't tolerate the stench of smoke in the least. Yet now that she smokes, and even though I've asked her many times not to smoke around me (even when not pregnant because I have allergies and asthma), she refuses to listen. No problem... It was only supposed to be a quick trip to the shop 5 minutes from my house. I climbed into her ashtray on wheels and we drove on over.

The whole time we were in the boutique, she loudly complained about the prices, and most certainly while within earshot of the saleslady. Having done my research for months now, I know pretty well what the range in prices is on cribs. We tried to pick out the best quality crib we could for the lowest price. Brian and I had gone there the night before and picked out the Baby's Dream Infinity crib, a stationary crib made of solid wood that converts to a toddler bed and then becomes the head- and footboards for a double bed. It was priced at $360, but that was still way too much money in her eyes (the woman who just spent $6000 on her bedroom set). She asked me if anywhere else carried this crib, like Baby Depot at Burlington Coat Factory (which I didn't even get into the horrible return policy at the Burlington Coat Factory). I did recall that there was one other store, USA Baby in Berlin. But I also had an appointment at 4:30PM to tour another daycare. Not wanting to lose an opportunity, I called the daycare and rescheduled to Monday at 5:00PM.

We stopped to put air in my mom's tire because it was low (or rather, I put air in her tire because she didn't know how... yes, pregnant me was squatting down in the puddle she parked in putting air in the tire). It was at this time that we discovered there was a rusty nail in her tire, the cause of the leaking air. So she decided we would go to the tire place she uses to get it patched, and then off we would go.

We get to the tire place and they tell her they can't repair her tire because the tires are bald, so she has to get new tires instead. New tires that she had picked out with my father recently: they cost $676. They claimed it would have been 45 minutes to patch the tire (Brian patches tires all the time and I know it doesn't take 45 minutes) but only an hour to change all her tires. It's now 2:45PM. We waste time waiting for it to get done, mom smoking a cigarette around me in spite of my protests. The truck isn't ready until 4:30PM.

Off we go again, but not until mom stops at the bank to do a deposit and then Dunkin' Donuts to get coffee. Now we're finally off to find USA Baby. I do the best I can getting her to the Berlin Turnpike (it's been a while). On the drive there, mom smokes once again in the car, telling me to just roll the window down and put my head out it. We get off the highway and turn left instead of right... Finally, we turn around and head in the right direction. It takes some scrutinizing of signs, but we find it. We walk up to the door...and it's locked. USA Baby closed at 6:00PM. It was now 6:10PM.

So mom decides we're not going to waste a trip and we go into Toys R Us to see what they have. I already know what we'll find there and sure enough, it was the cheapest of brands possible, and all of the display cribs were falling apart. So she decides we should go down the road more to see if we can find anything else. We stop at Bassett Furniture Direct, because I know Bassett makes cribs, but there were none to be found. While eating at Panera Bread, we see a sign across the street for a kids' bedroom store, so we head there next (mom smoking on her way to the car).

We go in the kids' furniture store and I'm in love. So much cute stuff and reasonably priced. They have all of 5 or 6 cribs, mostly Bonavitas (which are notorious for taking 5 months or so to come in when you order them). But there is one that's in stock and ready to go home for $300. Nope, mom complains once again about how there aren't any reasonably priced cribs. We walk out of there empty-handed and mom grouchy.

On the drive home, she gets a phone call from a friend. She complains to her friend about the over-priced cribs and what a waste it is because kids will just destroy it anyway. (I should mention that the crib we started off looking at has a 15 year warranty for 3 kids... sure, cribs will fall apart if you buy the cheap ones, but she can't seem to see past the price.) Basically, I felt like crap after that. Nothing like offering a gift to someone and then complaining the whole time about having to do it.

We get into town and mom has to pick my youngest brother up at my aunt's house. While waiting in front of the house for him to come out, she takes out her 4th cigarette of the afternoon. I asked her if she could just wait 15 minutes until she dropped me off and her response: "If you expect me to pay $400 on a crib for you, you'll sit there and deal with it."

I got home and cried in the shower, washing off the stench of the afternoon and wishing I could find a way to just say "No, thanks" to her "gift." My mom has a history of not giving anything freely. I should have known better. When I was 18, my parents bought me a car: a 1984 Chevy Chevette. They paid $900 for it and I was supposed to pay them back, but I only got it down to $700 that I owed them before I totalled it. I offered to pay them back a couple years ago when we sold our house, but my mom refused it. I should have known why: just at Easter, she was complaining about how she spent $700 on a car for me 10 years ago. I couldn't take it that time (because it wasn't the first) and reminded everyone that I offered to pay it back but she refused the money. Nothing given freely...

So will my child be forever indebted to my mother for this crib? It certainly seems like I will... And how is it right that I have to subject my health (and our baby's) to her smoking because I "expect" her do this for me? I wish I could find a way to just say, "No, thanks... I'll find another way." I wish I could find a way to say that about everything. And then pack up and move across the country where she'll never visit me again and never subject our child to her selfish ways.

I do have to say that yesterday supported my decision to not allow our child around her alone. Brian and I had discussed it long ago and decided that our child would not go to Grandma's house alone because of her smoking. She can't seem to manage to control herself around me when I protest it actively, so who's to say she wouldn't do the same around our baby when I'm not there?