Resolutions

It was a looooooong weekend after what happened Friday. The weather pretty much reflected my mood: gray and miserable. It's been a while since I've felt so gloomy, but it was hard not to. My mother has had many insensitive moments before, but Friday seemed to take the cake and it really upset me.

Brian put so much effort into trying to pull me out of it. Saturday he planned on shopping for new ski boots (end of season clearance sales) and even offered to bring me to the mall, which he absolutely hates. He couldn't believe it when I refused, but I didn't feel like shopping. We did drive over to the Berlin Turnpike so we could check out USA Baby, since it was closed Friday night when mom and I went. I wish she had been able to get in: she would have seen how reasonably priced the crib we chose was in comparison to the higher-end Italian brands and others that were $600+. In the middle of the store, we found the crib we wanted on sale for $330, $30 cheaper than the local boutique. They also offered no-fee layaway with only 1/2 down to order it and the rest due when it comes in, or I could make payments along the way.

I woke up from a restless sleep at about 4:45AM on Sunday (well, really 5:45AM...I forgot to set the clock ahead) with an idea. Brian and I had put aside some money for the important things we'll need in case we don't get them at a shower (convertible carseat, breast pump, etc.). I decided that we could probably manage to come up with half of the cost of the crib to put it on layaway, and in the 10 weeks that it would take for the crib to come in, we should be able to put aside enough money to pay off the rest of it. I didn't like the idea of mom being able to hold this crib over me like she is...it just isn't right. I was so excited, I ended up waking Brian up at about 5:30AM (6:30AM) to tell him my plan. It seemed like the perfect solution to me, even though it would make money a bit tighter. I was so crestfallen when he dismissed it entirely and rolled over to go back to sleep.

Much of Sunday morning was spent trying to convince him that my plan was the only way to go. He kept saying, "Why should we pay for it if she will? We don't have the money." But it really bothered me how much she complained about it on Friday. I told him she could always buy something closer to what she planned on spending in the first place if she wanted to get us a gift... It took a while, but I finally convinced him around 12:30PM. I called my mother next to give her the news... Thank you, but we will buy the crib since it's more money than you want to spend. I rehearsed it over and over again in my head, hoping I could get the words out the way I planned and without sounding like a whiney child. Ring ring ring...my brother answers. He has no idea where mom is and dad is taking a nap. Nobody else is home. So I try her cell phone. Ring ring ring...voicemail. Somehow, it's easier to get it all out when I know she won't interrupt me. But this leaves us in a pickle...what if she's out getting the crib? Not likely, but it wouldn't work to end up with 2 of them, so now we have to wait for her to call back. Sometimes she works on the weekends so I tried her work number...no answer. So I paged her. Still nothing. I try my parents house again to see if my dad has awakened, but he has not. My brother tells me he also tried paging mom, so all we can do is wait. Within 15 minutes, she calls back...

Her attitude is entirely different than it was on Friday. She tells me that she *is* buying the crib and will be going tomorrow (Monday) to put it on layaway. She said she thought about it and decided the other ones were really cheaply made and besides, my sister will be pitching in toward the cost of it anyway. So now I feel like the fool because I have no idea what to say to her... I try to explain my point of view, that we wanted to do this because it was more money than she wanted to spend, but nope... She's over that now. She's going to buy it.

I tell Brian and of course, he's thrilled. But I'm worried. I know my mother wouldn't have come to a revelation like that on her own. Who do I have to thank for the turnabout? Even if she's feeling differently about it now (or faking it), I have a feeling this will come up again sometime later on in mom's tallies of how expensive each of us has been for her. While we couldn't really afford it, I still kind of wish we had just been able to get the crib ourselves... Then I wouldn't have to worry about when this will come back to bite me in the end. But I'm happy it's being taken care of at least... I have to take solace in the good things, right?

As for the smoking, I have no idea what to do about that. I've told her many times that our child will not visit her house if she doesn't quit. She didn't smoke for 13-14 years. In that time my father did smoke, but he was forced to do so outside...she smokes in the house so the whole place smells like an ashtray. She claims she will quit before the baby comes (my father does, too) but seeing as there are only 11.5 weeks left, it's getting less and less likely to happen. It's her own house, I know, and she can do whatever she wants there. We just won't go there. But the problem obviously is that she has no consideration even when she's outside her home and I'm not sure how to deal with that. I don't understand how, after how abundantly clear I've made it that I do not want her to smoke around me or around our child-to-be, she continues to be so oblivious. And while it isn't right to keep a child from his/her grandparent, right now, it's the only solution I can see to prevent this health issue from becoming a problem for us.