Saturday, January 01, 2005

Bad Dreams Again...

I slept horribly last night. The people upstairs had a party while we were out, and I guess they decided 1-2AM was a great time to clean up after it. All the thumping and heavy-footed walking made it extremely difficult for me to sleep. I had a lot of dreams (which explains why I feel terrible today - I obviously had poor quality sleep). The most vivid was another one of those things that tends to come with pregnancy, but it was just plain horrible.

I dreamt of miscarriage again... One that consisted of no blood, so I had no idea it was happening. I just went to the bathroom and the next thing I knew, there was an embryonic sac in the toilet with 2 fetuses (or is that feti?) in it. I wasn't all that upset in the dream; it was like I was expecting it to happen. I just scooped them up and brought them to the doctor's office to be sure I was seeing correctly. Then I woke up.

Twins...it's been on my mind a lot lately. Can you tell? Twins sharing the same sac is pretty rare, yet it still manifested itself in my dreams. Ever since the doctor said "I wonder if we should check if there are two in there?" I can't stop thinking about it. What made her wonder that at that time? I kept making excuses to myself why it couldn't possibly be true... I don't have a huge preggo belly still, my symptoms haven't been that bad (they haven't been great either, but most of the time women who are pregnant with multiples have intensified symptoms), and I did have that ultrasound at 7 weeks. The tech said nothing of 2 in there at that time, although I swear I saw two heart-like pulses on the screen. And slowly but surely, each of my excuses has been removed. I spoke with one of my aunts who had twins nearly 17 years ago. A tall and very thin woman all of her life, she said she did not get big at all with the boys. Most people had no idea there were twins in there, and those who did worried that they weren't growing properly. She also had very mild symptoms. Then last night, another aunt told me of a friend of hers who had twins and they didn't find out until quite late because one was behind the other when the ultrasound was done early on. I guess anything is possible...

So are there 2 in there? I'm debating trying to get the OB to do an ultrasound at my appointment on Monday. I'm not due for the 20 week ultrasound for 4.5 more weeks - I don't know if I can wait that long to find out. Obviously it's affecting my subconscious... But will the doctor cooperate? Or will he just brush it off as typical pregnant lady lunacy? I guess I'll just have to wait until Monday to find out what happens next. All I know is, I don't want to have another dream like the one I had last night. Going through a miscarriage is bad enough, but having dreams like that is ten times worse.

2 comments:

Kether said...

Yeah, once we feel like we can control the fear during the day, our dreams betray us. I'm so sorry Carrie.
I would be SO EXCITED if they did find twins in there!!!!!!!

Rosanne said...

Carrie, I'm so sorry that the nightmares have found you again. Thinking happy thoughts for you that they'll start leaving you alone again. Hopefully your doc will give you a look on Mon to make you more comfortable and chase those nightmares away.