Amnesia

I realized today that, for the life of me, I could not recall the pain of true labor that I had near the end. I can recreate the contraction pains that lasted the majority of the Pitocin induction. Considering I have always had really painful cramps when Aunt Flo comes a-visiting every month, those contractions weren't much different for me. But after they broke my water, it got progressively worse fast. It got harder to focus on breathing slowly through each contraction--this I remember. Right before I begged for the epidural, Brian even had to coach me to remember to breathe slowly, and I fought him the whole way. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and forget all about it at that point. But I have absolutely no memory of what that pain actually felt like. And, of course, I had no pain after the epidural so there's nothing to recall there, even from delivery. I had heard of the phenomena before, but I didn't realize that it happened so soon afterwards. Amazing! What a way to ensure a species will continue to replenish itself!!

Brian speaks all the time of how he wants at least one more child, but probably two. Most people could be content to think about it whenever the time is right, but with my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, I have to think about it now. My biological clock ticks faster than most, and my time will run out earlier than most. The longer I wait, the more difficult it will be, so we will have to decide soon. If it weren't for our money situation, I would be all over this ASAP. But daycare for one child already will cost me half of my paycheck; there'd be no point in working if we had two children. And we're just not finacially sound enough yet for me to not work. I'm not sure how or when that will happen, either. But if we want another, we'll have to find a way.

In the meantime, I'm totally in love with Margaret. She spent about 4 hours straight awake today, an amazing increase considering she usually is only awake and alert for an hour, at most, and then sleeps through most of the day. Brian found this a bit challenging. What do you do to entertain a 2 week old for that long? We talked to her and read, but there really isn't much more that can be done at this age. I think he was a bit grateful when she fell asleep on our drive to the nature preserve for a walk. He's looking forward to the stage when she will respond and be mobile, which is some time off still. But she's changed so much already in the short time she's been here! I'm savoring every moment!