Trying Not To Get My Hopes Up...

...but things have been going pretty well the last few days. Since switching to the Dr Brown's bottles, we generally only have one fussy feeding a day now, and that's in the evening. This leads me to believe her problem is more likely colic than reflux. The rest of the time, she happily chows down on her formula (we're not using cereal anymore). She's also taken to having 6 or 7 feedings a day (instead of the 14 a day she required just 6 weeks ago) with some regularity as to the times. The last two nights have been amazing! Friday night, she went down at about 11PM and didn't wake up for her next feeding until 4:45AM! Then she napped for another 3.5 hours after that one! Last night, she went down at about 9:30/10PM. I was so sure she'd be up around 1AM at the lastest, since that's the earliest she's gone down for the night. Instead, she didn't wake up until 5AM! And she was happy as a clam both mornings when I went to get her...no screaming, just contentedly waiting in her crib for me to come get her and take care of her needs. Naps continue to be a problem. She wants to stay awake all day now. But at least I'm getting sleep at night.

Only 3 weeks of maternity leave left...

More Pictures!

These are the portraits that were done at Wal-Mart on July 10, 2005:



And this was just last week (and one of my faves!):


I just need to stare at these when she has her screaming fits (like the one last night that was an hour and a half) to remind myself what a sweet child she can be...

Edited to add: I saw that Crista put the proof for Bella's birth announcement up on her site! Love it! I figured I'd share Maggie's proof, too:

These were made by Juliette at babyjcars.com.

Always On My Toes

I tried an experiment today. It seemed that Maggie was basically choking on her cereal bottles, that the flow of the Y-cut cereal nipples were too much for her to handle. And since we found that the cereal mix alone wasn't doing much, I figured I'd try the Dr Brown's bottles with just regular formula and the Level 1 nipple. It was worth a shot. 6:15AM and we get through a cry-free feeding of 4 ounces. 9:20AM and another cry-free feeding of 4 oz. 11:40AM in the car after my postnatal follow-up appointment and we had some minimal crying, but again, she got through the 4 ounces. 5:30PM and we get her through 4 ounces and she's asking for more without a single tear shed. She eats another ounce before falling asleep. So now I'm starting to rethink this whole thing. Maybe it's not reflux after all? Then we get to the 7:15PM feeding, which was pure hell. She started screaming almost from the start and continued for over an hour. I managed to get 1.5 ounces in her, but there was no way she'd take any more than that, even though she was making the "I'm hungry!" mouth. She's been upset before but never like this. Screaming for almost the entire hour plus (while Brian was gone looking at a replacement for his pick-up truck, so I had no help) really pushed me to my limits. NOTHING worked. Not the bouncy seat, not swaddling, not patting her butt, not rubbing her back, not rocking, not jiggling, not side-lying, not stomach-lying, NOTHING. I tried gas drops and they didn't make a difference. I took her temperature: 99.7 degrees. Elevated, but not high enough that I'm supposed to call her doctor. After another 10 minutes, though, I gave her a little infant Tylenol anyway. I know the box says to call your doctor for a child under 24 lbs and 2 years old, but I couldn't take it. I only gave her 1/4 of the dose for a 2 year old that's 24 lbs. I think that's what finally helped her fall asleep.

So what was that all about? We had a great day. Then this. This seems more like colic than reflux, although she was still arching and pulling away during the feeding. I guess I'll have to see what the next few feedings bring. I'm going to stick to just formula in these bottles and see how it goes. I don't want to treat her for reflux if that's not what she has...

Can someone call those fairies and ask them to bring my child back?

Our Own Fairy Changling

I think I've discovered how the legends of changlings came about. For those who aren't familiar, this website is a great resource on the various changling legends. The one I'm thinking of, simply put, involves the fairies taking away the healthy child and leaving in his stead one that does not thrive and cries all the time (the changling).

Margaret has become the thing legends are made of. Our sweet little girl who only occasionally cried, even when super fussy, has become quite unhappy. Damn that reflux. It was when the reflux surfaced as getting worse enough for me to notice it that Margaret was "changed." Every time she eats now, it's a battle, most often with trying to keep her calm enough to even eat now that she's screaming so much from the pain. I was totally unprepared for a reflux chlid. Colic I knew about, and did in fact read about in advance in order to prepare myself for its possibility. Right now, I'd gladly take a colicky babe over a reflux one. At least I'd be about half-way through it if it were colic. And it would only be for several hours a day, at the worst, instead of all day. I had enough issues with feeding stress from the beginning (some of which were probably due to reflux, in retrospect...it just wasn't as bad for her then). But this is really pushing me towards my breaking point now. It's so frustrating trying to get nourishment into your child only to have her push you away and scream (not cry!), but clearly still need and want to eat. I'm a problem-solver. Not being able to take the pain away and stop her crying is really getting to me. It breaks my heart to see her suffer so, but it's also very difficult to deal with.

Obviously, the cereal bottles are not helping. I tried oatmeal cereal instead of rice since the doctor did say that was an option. No difference. I also went out and spent a small fortune on Dr. Brown's bottles, since everyone claimed that was the miracle they all needed. Once again, it seems things are now worse instead of better. I will be calling her doctor later today to discuss whatever options we have left. I think we will either be trying Enfamil AR next (a thickened formula, which is supposed to help keep it down in her stomach and supposedly would then reduce the reflux) or Zantac. I don't want to medicate if it's not necessary, but it's starting to seem like it will be.

In the meantime, I'm plagued with thoughts of returning to work early just to escape some of the screaming. I know, I'm terrible for thinking it. I should be cherishing every moment, especially with the road I had to take to get here. Don't get me wrong-I am grateful that we have her in our lives. It's just been so difficult since she wasn't like this from birth. I got used to a pretty low-needs baby who was mostly happy and I think that's why this sudden change is hitting me so hard. I want the baby I had 2 weeks ago back! And I'm sure she would prefer to be that baby again, too.

Irritated

I wrote a huge blog entry and lost it when I went to publish the post. It was eloquent and quite long. And now I'm pretty pissed off that it's gone.

The finer points:

*Dad is now home from the hospital and doing well. We visited with him for a short while this evening and he was in great spirits.

*Maggie is now on 1 Tbsp rice cereal to every 4 oz formula for reflux. If that doesn't help, her doctors want her to come in at the end of the week to look at her and possibly prescribe Zantac. The cereal bottles are for the night feedings right now but if she starts having problems during the day, we'll do them for all the feedings. I'm concerned about early introduction of cereal but she needs to be comfortable.

*I was given a time limit of how much longer I can TTC based on the fact that I now have cholesterol issues (whether it's PCOS-related or family history, I don't know...but both predisposed me to it). My endocrinologist wants to put me on Lipitor but won't while I'm still in my child-bearing years and planning on getting pregnant again. He's giving me only a couple of years to be med-free and then I have to be on it. He also seemed to think that with the PCOS, I shouldn't wait more than a year and a half to start TTC again anyway. Financially, we can't afford to TTC again until 1) maybe when some bills are paid off (3 years from now) or 2) Maggie is in school (5 years from now). Without a financial miracle, it's looking like Maggie will be an only-child....

I had a lot more detail but I just don't have the energy to recreate my post... sorry!

Homecoming, Part 2

HOPEFULLY, Dad is supposed to come home today. This is actually the 3rd day they said he would go home. The 1st was a week ago when he ended up staying because the stint had a blockage at about 4AM that day. Then he was supposed to go home Saturday. That was delayed because they forgot to take him off the blood thinners early enough to remove one of the machines that was helping the blood move through his heart. I spoke with him on the phone Saturday and he was disappointed, but did realize that it was a good idea to be cautious...especially in light of what had happened earlier in the week. So I repeat, HOPEFULLY, Dad comes home today. I know he's eager to move on from hospital fare, if nothing else. :D

To those of you out in blogger-world with children who had reflux, how did you know? What did you do? I think Maggie might have a minor case of acid reflux (or actually, silent reflux). She doesn't spit up, but lately, she's been arching her back to get away and screaming during 2-3 feedings a day...usually her evening ones. I didn't make the connection until I was looking up her symptoms in Baby 411 and found the reference to reflux. She used to do the same thing from time to time during our nighttime breastfeedings (when I was still breastfeeding), although she didn't scream like she does now. But she did cry. Clearly, she's in pain but also very hungry when this occurs. I figured I'd give it a couple of days to make sure it wasn't a fluke. Oddly, some days are better than others. But I still think I'm going to call her pediatrician today to talk to him about it. I don't really want her on medication if it isn't absolutely necessary...but I don't want her in pain, either. Poor baby!

Playing Around

After a heckish day yesterday (Miss Maggie didn't want to nap all day and kept "snacking" instead of eating, then the power went out at 95 degrees with super-high-humidity, and of course, the obvious) today was perfect. Maggie napped like she should, ate like she should, and was generally a happy baby when awake. If every day were like this, I'd never return to work or leave her side.

During her morning nap, I started a project I've been meaning to do for a while. I borrowed 2 of my mother's photo albums so I could scan in some of my favorite pictures, thereby archiving them and having them accessible to me. I was able to get from 1977 throuh 1988 today...not bad for one morning. But what's really cool is what happened when I played around in Photoshop Elements. My mom had some really old portraits of me from when I was one month old that the colors went a bit funky over the years. Check this out:

The original:


The edited:

Not bad for letting the program do it for me!

My big interest in these pictures in particular was to see if I could see any of myself in Maggie. I do see a bit now but what was more amazing to me is that I saw bits and pieces of her in each of the baby pictures of my siblings, too. She has my sister's hair at birth, my hairline and cowlick, some of my facial expressions, as well as some of my brother Jake's facial expressions, too. I guess I didn't notice it before because she is such a composite of us all! It will be interesting to see how she changes as she grows up...

Thinking Of You

Arabella - Loved from the start, lost all too soon...

It was on this day one year ago that I learned that I had lost our first baby that I was pregnant with. I was 9 weeks 4 days pregnant at the time and was told that we probably lost her 2 days prior (which happened to be the day we celebrated my father's 50th birthday). I wonder often what she would have been like. Had she lived, she would have been about 4 months old now. Then again, had she lived, we wouldn't have Maggie in our lives. And I wouldn't have learned the lessons I needed to learn (more on that in this post). Loss is a difficult thing to come to terms with, but I know I am in a much better place today than I was a year ago. I am grateful for everything that I have: Maggie, my sistas who were there for me in my time of need, even the new view I developed on life after that loss. It's all so much more precious to me now. Regardless, I still miss her. I know she accomplished her purpose and has found peace...I'd like to think that I have found peace now, too.

You're in my thoughts today, my little angel...

I Love To See You Smile

Maggie charmed us today with what appeared to be her first "real" smiles! She flashed two of them at me during the morning when I was talking to her. Brian didn't believe me when I shared the news. That is until she gave him one, too, during the evening. Then he tried to claim that the one he saw was "real" and the ones I saw were "fake." I didn't realize this would become a competition of who saw the milestone first!

Her cries are also different now. There is a definite difference between the "feed me or I'm going to starve" cry (which seems to come every hour or two, LOL!) and the "I'm in pain and don't know what to do" cry that she belted out this morning while having constipation-related difficulties in passing a BM (while I helplessly held her, trying to soothe her without having any means to take away the pain). I can't believe we've come this far already!

Update On Dad's Condition

I spoke with my sister again. Dad had a blood clot in the stent that was put in when he had his heart attack last Monday. They had to put in 2 more stents to clear it out again. He's back on blood thinners and a multitude of other medications, as well as oxygen. Understandably, he's quite unhappy... but I'm grateful he's still alive! Once again, had that happened outside of the hospital, he may not be here right now! What a LUCKY guy!

Your continued thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated...

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

I just got a call from my sister... Dad is back in ICU. Apparently, he was having chest pains last night and they shipped him back over to intensive care. She and Mom were on their way to the hospital and will update me as soon as they find out more. I'm hoping it's just that he over-exerted himself in his eagerness to return home. At least he was in the right place when it happened, whatever it was. Now I can't bring Maggie to see him anymore...she's not allowed in ICU. Also, if he's developed pneumonia (which was a concern), I can't visit him either. :( I'll update as soon as I know more.

Growing Up So Fast Already

Maggie now sleeps in her crib at night. We had been using the Arm's Reach Mini Co-Sleeper from the first night home. Not so much that I wanted to ensure she was breathing at night, but more so for the convenience of not having to get out of bed to take care of her. However, I found that *I* wasn't as grumpy if I actually DID get out of bed. I think I was more upset about my sleep being interrupted if I was still in bed...like it was a constant reminder of what I was missing out on. So on the nights that Maggie had been more inconsolable than usual, I had been going out into the living room to feed and comfort her, and then putting her down in her crib. Then I would spend the night on the couch in the room next to her listening for if she needed me. After a couple nights of this, I moved to returning to our bedroom after her second night feeding and leaving her behind in the crib with the baby monitor on. Friday night was the first night she spent in her crib all night with me in my bed all night. I found that I'd grown used to certain patterns she had that weren't as apparent to me before. I would wake at certain times expecting her to need me, only to find her still fast asleep. Last night was an especially good example of this since she actually slept for 5 hours between feedings! 5 hours WITHOUT swaddling. (We had been swaddling from birth, and even invested in a couple of Miracle Blankets, but Maggie seemed to hate being confined in her baby straight jacket and wasn't sleeping any better swaddled than not...) Since she went down at 11:30PM for the night, that means she slept until 4AM. I was elated! My little girl is growing up already! Tonight, I think I will pack up the co-sleeper. We only used it for a month, but it was worth every penny. Maybe we can bring it to her Grammia's house to use for naps...

Dad continues to improve. Yesterday, he was walking the halls at the hospital. They've removed just about every medication they could from his IVs and he's eating regular food. He should be going home tomorrow or the day after and is already looking forward to walking the neighborhood with Maggie in her stroller. :)

That's My Dad!

It was so good to see Dad awake and himself again! The man's heart stopped beating Monday night and he had been unconscious until Thursday morning, yet he had no problems flirting with the nurses and chatting with anyone who walked by his doorway. He's restless (my father's never been good at just sitting still) but very much alive. We snuck Maggie into the ICU so Dad could see her. It was very much appreciated. :) I wasn't sure if she was allowed there, but I figured that since it was a Cardiac ICU, there probably wouldn't be as much germs as there would be in a typical ICU. Sure enough, once of Dad's nurses came in and saw her and told us about the rule, but promised that she "didn't see a thing" and left. Dad should be moved to a regular room today, so we shouldn't encounter that problem the next time we visit. They're supposed to have him start walking again today and it sounds like they'll be discharging him early next week.

Maggie had her 1 month check-up yesterday, as well. She is now a whopping 11 lbs 4 oz!! She's also now 22 inches long and her head is about 15 inches around (they measured that in centimeters, and I think it was 38, but maybe it was 28...I looked at the inches side of the tape when they measured). She's in the 95th percentile all around for growth. What a big girl we have! The pediatrician we saw this time is the one I spoke with when we started supplementing 3 weeks ago. She was very understanding of my decision to switch to all formula. And even though we're using a formula that wasn't recommended by their office (they only recommend Enfamil and Similac, both of which are quite expensive...we're using Parent's Choice, the Wal-Mart generic brand), she agreed that as long as Maggie was tolerating it well, it didn't matter which one we used. She goes back August 16th for her regular check-up and immunizations.

Some pictures from July 11, 2005... When she's awake all morning and won't let me put her down for long, I don't have much to do with her, so I take a lot of pictures. :)





I also want to thank you all for keeping my family in your thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. I know my whole family appreciates your consideration, my father most of all. He actually said to me yesterday that it was touch and go for a while there, but in the end, he decided to come back. Perhaps your prayers assisted in that decision. Thank you.

Sometimes, It's Good To Be Awake

I just got off the phone with my sister: my father is awake! I guess it happened pretty quickly this morning after they removed the breathing tubes. He told them that when he opened his eyes, he thought he was still dreaming, so he kept opening and closing his eyes hoping to wake up from it. She said he's very emotional right now, but in pretty good spirits, too. He was joking with the nurses just like his old self. He did come to some serious realizations, though. The first was that mom should quit smoking right away. It's sad that it took a heart attack to drive home what I've been trying to get him to do for years, but it seems like (at least, for now) he got the message. The other was that he will have to quit his second job, baking donuts for Dunkin Donuts. It's a job he'd been doing for years (and also the reason why, during my youth, I rarely saw him...he worked 7 days a week). He loves that job, but he realized that the labor in working the dough will be too much for him. My other concern was that the guys at the donut shop all smoke, and dad is a social smoker, so I was afraid he would have difficulty in maintaining the willpower not to. I'm glad he came to this conclusion on his own.

I'm looking forward to going up to see dad tonight after Brian gets home from work. Thank goodness he's awake for his birthday!! Oh yeah, and there's no brain damage either!! :)

A Different Person

I had no idea how different of a person I had become due to the extreme sleep deprivation I suffered over the last couple of days until this morning. Last night was no restful night by any means, but I did manage to get in about 3 or 4 hours of sleep total. I'm pretty groggy this morning, but not as cranky anymore. It didn't help that Maggie was (unintentionally) playing psychological games with me during breastfeeding. She has always been hard to keep latched on, but lately, she would start screaming in the middle of feeding and actually PUSH me away with enough force that I couldn't pull her back on. Then she'd flop her head around frantically with her mouth wide open, clearly still hungry but seemingly refusing me (again, I know she didn't make a conscious decision like that, but it's hard to accept when it happens over and over again with every breastfeeding). Her screaming fits in general were still pretty abundant, too. Yesterday was another day that she spent 5+/- hours awake, much of it upset in spite of the Mylicon drops and my attempts at calming her, a la Happiest Baby on The Block. She even woke up at 2AM today screaming. So out into the living room we went (where I've been going when she gets to be too much so Brian can still get some sleep). I had enough of her breastfeeding games...I wasn't in a state to not be upset by them...so I gave her a bottle of formula. (I should add that, while we've been doing a combination of breast- and formula-feeding, night feedings had been exclusively breastfeedings up until last night.) She was calm. She fell asleep easily and stayed asleep in her crib. Lately, it had been taking up to an hour after her nighttime feedings to get her back to sleep...last night, there was no effort at all. At best, she goes 3 hours between nighttime breastfeedings (consistently, anyway...she has gone as much as 5 but that was a fluke), but last night, she went down a little before 3AM and slept until almost 7:30AM. And she was a HAPPY baby when she woke up this morning!! No screaming!! Even during her diaper change! (Which almost always elicits some kind of cry!) She contentedly drank her morning bottle of formula, and fell back asleep for another nap. A nap!! Where had those gone? The moral? A happy Maggie is a happy Mommy. I was back to myself after those bottles, blissfully staring at her while she was eating instead of feeling what I can only describe as reluctance and (dare I say it?) even occasional resentment during many of the more recent breastfeedings.

I told Brian this morning... It's time to switch her over entirely to formula. The psychological issues of breastfeeding have obviously become too much for me. It's obvious that I need to discontinue it to ensure that we have a happy relationship with each other. I promised that I would tell the pediatrician at her appointment tomorrow. I feel better already...

We're going to the hospital this afternoon to see my father. I need to wait for Brian to get home from work and then we'll probably spend most of the evening there. In the meantime, I'm keeping in touch with my family. I also plan on visiting my grandmother at some point today (provided Maggie cooperates) as she is, understandably, upset right now. They're waiting until he's conscious to bring her to the hospital, so she hasn't even seen him yet. Which is probably good... I saw him and I have to say that that image will be burned into my brain for the rest of my life. Nobody should have to see his/her child in such a state, especially after losing his/her spouse to the same thing at close to the same age.

Did I mention that before? My grandfather (my father's father) died at 59 of a heart attack. It was October 14, 1981...almost 1 month after my sister was born. The fact that we're so close to being 1 month after Maggie's birth hasn't escaped me. It's pretty eerie, in fact. It's also one of the reasons why I insist on bringing Maggie to the hospital with me, and that I want him to see her so badly when he's conscious again. He's getting a second chance, the chance his father didn't get. I hope that will help motivate him to make the changes that will need to be made.

Status

I spoke with my sister and it sounds like they're planning on waking my dad up tomorrow sometime. He remained stable overnight and isn't as restless anymore, which is good. They also did a CT scan, which apparently didn't show any problems...also good. Hopefully they really do wake him tomorrow since his birthday is Thursday. I'd hate for him to spend it unconscious in the hospital. Otherwise, there's no further news. We have to wait until he's awake to find out what's functioning, what isn't, and if there's any permanent damage. I'll probably try to get to the hospital again tomorrow, even if I don't manage to get any sleep again tonight. In the meantime, my brother will be spending the night with him so our mother can get some rest at home tonight.

I'm quite on edge right now. I'm now operating on 2 hrs of sleep, thanks to Margaret's recent bout of LONG daytime periods of alertness and very short and infrequent cat naps. My phone has been ringing off the hook due to concerned family members calling and asking what's going on. I even had to entertain a visitor this morning (one of my father's sisters), which I barely managed to shower in between Margaret's screaming fits before my aunt arrived.

This month is hard enough as it is. Next Tuesday is the one year anniversary of when we learned that we had lost Arabella (and I had the D&C). They estimated at that time that I had lost her on the preceding Saturday (July 17th), which was when we celebrated my father's 50th birthday. I had some bright red bleeding earlier in that day and called the doctor's office about it. They assured me that, since I wasn't soaking through a pad an hour, it was probably not that serious and that I should just rest with my legs up (which I dutifully did, even though I was supposed to co-host my dad's birthday party). This just further taints the month of July for me. Can we just skip it next year?

Long Night

I just got back from the hospital. My father suffered a heart attack late Monday evening. He was helicoptered in from the local hospital to the same hospital where I had Maggie just a few weeks ago. He's stable, but critical. They will be keeping him unconscious until he's been stable for 24-48 hours. In the meantime, he's hooked up to a breathing machine and has multiple fluids being pumped into him through IVs. I've never seen my father look so vulnerable before.

They expect that he will recover, and most likely without any serious damage to his brain or heart (they had to resuscitate him, but it was soon after his heart stopped beating). But it's a long road ahead for him. No more fast food. No more smoking. And having to take better care of himself in general. I fear that he won't be able to stick to these radical changes, and we'll be right back at that hospital 5 years from now going through this all over again.

What a way to celebrate your birthday. He will be 51 years old on Thursday...

Where Did My Happy Baby Go?

This week, Margaret has discovered her voice. And boy can she use it. She used to be quiet, only fussing a little bit and then easily calmed. But ever since Tuesday, she's become more and more inconsolable. She'll scream in the middle of eating for no apparent reason. She's spending more and more of her waking time crying. Last night, she was awake from 5:30PM to 10:30PM and when she wasn't eating (which wasn't often), she mostly was screaming. It doesn't seem like colic, though. Doesn't fit the formula for it. Nonetheless, it's so hard watching her like that and not being able to do anything to make it better. It breaks my heart. Where DID my happy baby go? Hopefully, she'll be back soon.

I'm So Spoiled

We've been taking Maggie and Becky for walks at the local nature preserve. However, the stroller we have isn't really meant for use on dirt roads, gravel, and grass. So I struck a deal with Brian... give up the glider he was planning on buying me so I could get the all-terrain stroller I had been lusting after. He agreed!! So yesterday, I drove one hour to go look at it at one of only 2 stores in Connecticut that carry that line. Luckily, they had ONE in stock, which I prompty grabbed! Here's the loot:





Of course, it's raining today and will continue to rain through Saturday... Figures!!

Lost In Your Eyes

I can't help but stare at her when she looks at me like this:


I wonder if her eyes will stay blue? Her daddy's eyes are blue, as were both of my grandfathers'...

Amnesia

I realized today that, for the life of me, I could not recall the pain of true labor that I had near the end. I can recreate the contraction pains that lasted the majority of the Pitocin induction. Considering I have always had really painful cramps when Aunt Flo comes a-visiting every month, those contractions weren't much different for me. But after they broke my water, it got progressively worse fast. It got harder to focus on breathing slowly through each contraction--this I remember. Right before I begged for the epidural, Brian even had to coach me to remember to breathe slowly, and I fought him the whole way. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and forget all about it at that point. But I have absolutely no memory of what that pain actually felt like. And, of course, I had no pain after the epidural so there's nothing to recall there, even from delivery. I had heard of the phenomena before, but I didn't realize that it happened so soon afterwards. Amazing! What a way to ensure a species will continue to replenish itself!!

Brian speaks all the time of how he wants at least one more child, but probably two. Most people could be content to think about it whenever the time is right, but with my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, I have to think about it now. My biological clock ticks faster than most, and my time will run out earlier than most. The longer I wait, the more difficult it will be, so we will have to decide soon. If it weren't for our money situation, I would be all over this ASAP. But daycare for one child already will cost me half of my paycheck; there'd be no point in working if we had two children. And we're just not finacially sound enough yet for me to not work. I'm not sure how or when that will happen, either. But if we want another, we'll have to find a way.

In the meantime, I'm totally in love with Margaret. She spent about 4 hours straight awake today, an amazing increase considering she usually is only awake and alert for an hour, at most, and then sleeps through most of the day. Brian found this a bit challenging. What do you do to entertain a 2 week old for that long? We talked to her and read, but there really isn't much more that can be done at this age. I think he was a bit grateful when she fell asleep on our drive to the nature preserve for a walk. He's looking forward to the stage when she will respond and be mobile, which is some time off still. But she's changed so much already in the short time she's been here! I'm savoring every moment!