Not Quite Ready Yet ???

I guess my mission to Babies 'R Us was an ambitious one. You see, I still have difficulties in dealing with encounters with pregnant women and babies. I thought I was in control of that, but I should have known better. The last time I was in Babies 'R Us, the place was deserted. I guess I assumed it would be the same during the middle of the day on a Friday. However, quite the opposite was true. The place was mobbed with happy pregnant women blissfully choosing purchases for their babies to come and women with babies. Everywhere I turned, I bumped into one or the other. I almost ran to the stroller section, finding the one I needed exactly where I left it. However, the boxes were stacked high and I couldn't get one down by myself. I frantically searched for help. It was as if I was on one of those shopping gameshows; how quickly could I get out of there with the required item. Finally, I found a salesman who helped me get it down and into the cart. I raced for the registers, narrowly avoiding collisions with 2 pregnant ladies on the way. Unfortunately, I had to wait in line before I could leave, convincing me that Babies 'R Us was one of the circles of Dante's Inferno for women who have suffered miscarriages. I was so happy to be out of that store once the purchase was completed... I don't know why I thought I could handle that. Obviously, I'm not ready for that sort of "adventure" yet.

I had even more difficulties today at the family Labor Day picnic. One of my cousins was there with her 10 month old son. As happy as I should have been for her, I couldn't even bear to look at her son for most of the picnic. It once again felt like life was mocking me. However, near the end, her little boy took control of the situation. The grip of his tiny hand on my fingers as he attempted to walk over to me won me over. What was I so afraid of? Why am I so jealous? Look at this adorable little child with which they have been blessed. It was almost as if he understood my pain and felt the need to reach out to me. As he smiled innocently at me, I felt some of my pain slip away. It's time to let go. It's time to stop dwelling on how life isn't fair. I can be happy for others even though I've lost what they have. And hopefully, I, too, will be blessed someday just as they have been with a bundle of joy. My time will come, I just need to be patient. It will all be okay in the end.