First I want to say thank you to my sistas for helping me get through what had to be the worst moment in my marriage yet! Nobody is perfect, and every relationship has it's rocky moments, but we've never had such a disagreement before with so much substance behind it. It really helped to have the support of women who have been through the pain of miscarriage and understood what I was going through. Thank you!
Since I'm up at an un-godly hour (I never get up this early!) I'll keep this as short as can be. Basically, we had a very adult discussion, not argument, yesterday. I sent DH an email (if you can believe that!) from work since it was my late night and I wanted to make sure I got everything off my chest without interruption or someone yelling at me...I also didn't want to be afraid of saying what I really felt about everything that's gone on. I think it helped that I was able to be so honest, and actually quite level-headed about the whole situation. I did mention the "D" word, but only because I don't think it's fair to make each other miserable with expectations that can never be fulfilled. So we discussed all of this. At first, DH said people don't change, so I thought it was over. But he said he does love me and he doesn't want it to be over. So we both discussed what we could do to make this right. And DH said he didn't really mean what he had said about Arabella the night before. He thought that since I was so sad by thinking about her, if I stopped I wouldn't be sad anymore. He also said he doesn't understand what I'm going through and, just as I've been told by my sistas, it wasn't very real to him because he didn't experience the pregnancy like I did. But he said it was still hard for him. I think that was the redeeming moment... If he really had felt the way he did about the loss, I know I couldn't see myself having children with a man as heartless as he appeared the night before. But it was a case of miscommunication and misunderstanding. So, we're working things out. We discussed our expectations of each other and how to make each other happy. I guess all we can do is just go from there. I still love him very much; I just don't want us to be miserable.
Homemade Oatmeal Cream Pies
5 years ago
2 comments:
Carrie - I'm so sorry you are going through all this. But unfortunately, I think it's very normal. And I think probably anyone who has had a loss has experienced the same realization that their darling husbands just don't understand what they are going through. It is very different for them, my husband was no exception and we had many arguments. But I am so glad you talked it out and are willing to keep working at everything. It will be so worth it. It's just a rocky patch, but you will make it through.
Carrie- ((hugs)) I think all couples go through this one time or another, pat and I have been really rocky lately as well, but sometimes talking and counceling helps. Just keep an open mind and keep talking, things will work out.
love ya,
Mandy
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