In Honor of The Day

However you want to call it, whether it's Babyloss, Pregnancy Loss, or Infant Loss Day, the day is today. Arabella has been on my mind again. Those of you unfamiliar with her should know that she is the child I miscarried July 19, 2004. I was only about 9 weeks along, so there was no definitive answer as to the gender of that child, but I had a strong feeling from the start that I was having a girl and I felt it was only right to give her a name in honor of her memory. I've been through some rough times since this loss. And while I was delivered wonderful news yesterday, today is Arabella's day. I lit her candle in memory of her, as well as all other children who were called away too soon, at 7PM. It will stay lit until I go to bed this evening.

I spent a lot of time writing in my journal in the middle of the night in the days following my miscarriage. It was my way of dealing with it. At that time, I wrote a couple of poems. The emotions were raw and painful but I think they're worth sharing today.

July 22, 2004
Broken heart and empty womb
are all you'll find inside me.
A week ago we were so happy -
how could this be?
You left me here, all by myself,
no future left to dream of.
Called away far too soon,
but in my heart you'll be loved.

July 21, 2004
Little one, you left too soon;
I never got to know you.
I never got to see your face
Nor will I ever hold you.
No baby laughter in our home
Will there be this winter.
Without you in our lives
Will happiness be hindered.
I hope you're in a better place
Where you will be cared for and hugged.
And always know you're in our hearts
Where you will always be loved.

May all of you who have suffered this loss find peace, as your children most certainly have.