Last Fall, I took a course at UCONN called History Through Fiction. In this course, we read various books from Indian (India-Indian, not Native American), Chinese, and Japanese authors. We examined what we could learn about their cultures from the fiction of their writers. We also focused on the various religions of the region, something that interests me because I've been on a bit of a spiritual quest and I find other religions fascinating. I've noticed that my personal belief system is an eclectic mix of ideas from different religions...but Buddhism also called to me in a special way. I'm not Buddhist; I don't identify myself with any particular one religion. I just found a lot in Buddhism that meshed with my own thoughts, so it's something I've been reading up on. I also bought a Zen Day-By-Day calendar at the beginning of the year. It helps me to focus on what's more important in the grand scheme of things. (You'll notice that some of my quotes of the week, BTW, come from that calendar...) So what did it say today?
When the striving ceases, there is life waiting as a gift.
~Saul Bellow
So let's think about this... Mia's horoscope page told me earlier in the week to drop my illusions of the past and put effort into moving forward, as it was very important right now. My illusions of the past led to the big blow out. We worked our way through that disagreement last night, at which time I was probably ovulating (if you look at my FF chart, I had a 1 degree jump in temperature today...if my temps stay elevated for the next 2 days, FF will say I ovulated yesterday). Now Saul Bellow is telling me that when the striving ceases, there is life waiting as a gift. Irony? Or a sign that I'm supposed to pay attention to? Maybe I'm just reading too much into it and seeing what I want to see... Regardless, it's been one heck of a week!
2 comments:
Carrie- I am glad you guys are working things out. sometimes I read too much into those things, but I think that you should do what your heart is telling you to do. ((hugs))
I'm glad that you're working things out and that our support has been helpful!
I'm like you and search for meanings and signs in everything. I also find religion fascinating. One of m favorite classes as an undergrad was a Religious Studies course.
If you're like me, and I think you may be, melding your rational understanding of the miscarriage and the emotional spiritual wreckage afterward is difficult. At first I was very rational. Things happen for a reason. This is how biology works. I'm going to move on and not dwell in it because there is nothing that can change what happened. All of that was true, but the emotional battle was also true and real and seemed to have nothing to do with what my rational mind knew to be true.
I hope as time passes that I can offer a shoulder and an ear for you. For me it got worse before it got better. Be prepared that that may happen (though I hope and pray that it does not).
Post a Comment