OMG!

There are only 5 weeks left! 35 weeks pregnant today, 35 days left. How could that be? Where did the time go? I know I'm ready as far as having the *things* we need. But I'm not sure if I'm mentally ready yet. Heck, we still don't have any names, and I can't remember what I proposed anymore since it's been months since I gave up on suggesting any!!

Today is our 4th wedding anniversary. Funny how, at this time last year, we were preparing to start our TTC journey. We decided on Mother's Day last year that it was time to start our family. But I had to wait until I talked to my doctor first because I had some underlying issues that we needed to ensure wouldn't interfere (like the white coat hypertension I suddenly developed, as well as the potential for PCOS). We did some more testing, just to finalize everything. I was to get the results back on May 23rd, but we got a little anxious that morning and "went for it" anyway. ;) Fortunately, my blood pressure was not an issue (I had to wear a 24 hour monitor to find out if it was high all the time, or just in office... it was fine over 95% of the time). My primary did say that I had PCOS and she wanted to refer me to a reproductive endocrinologist at my follow-up appointment on June 10th. Nobody expected me to end up being pregnant already by that appointment (and barely within the testing time frame, at only 12 DPO). It was special, though, because June 10th is Brian's birthday. We thought it was a sign of wonderful things to happen. Conceived during the 1st cycle trying (and we really only started trying a few days before O), and confirmed on his birthday. Halfway was to be only days before my birthday. It was meant to be.

As we all know, I only made it to July 19th before we discovered that I lost that pregnancy, probably around July 17th. My due date was February 17th.* But it was meant to be. I learned so much from that experience, from the short time I had with Arabella. I learned to value life so much more, to appreciate the miracle of pregnancy and gestation for the miracle it truly is, and to look deeper within myself. As many of my sistas in the blogging world have said before, without her loss, I would not be pregnant now. This baby never would have existed. And while I missed the innocence I had in my first pregnancy, and I do think it prevented me a bit from bonding in the beginning, I appreciate this one so much more. I do not take it for granted.

I guess that's why I'm amazed that there's only 5 weeks left. I don't know when I slipped into that comfortable feeling exactly, when I just "let it be" and went with the flow. But I did. And now, instead of worrying about keeping the pregnancy, I now have to shift mindset into dealing with actually having a baby. It's like I wasn't able to necessarily equate pregnancy with the product, a living, breathing being *outside* of my body, before now. I mean, I *knew* that's what would happen eventually, but I was focusing so much more on the now that it just didn't seem much of a reality to me. It will be, soon enough. Amazing!

*Since I really paid attention to #s after that, it was also ironic to me that the cycle I got pregnant with Peep began on September 17th (or you could say, that was the end of the post-D&C cycle). Every time I come across a 17 or 19 now, it really grabs my attention.