Family Feud

What is it about the death of a loved one that turns people crazy? Before GG passed away, there were some issues that I turned a blind eye to because honestly, it didn't affect me directly so there was no point losing sleep over it. I can't take care of everyone, after all. But what it basically came down to was a feud between GG's other 2 children (which I didn't even know existed until the feud began!) and my grandfather.

For years, GG was a part of our family. She went to all of our birthdays and holidays. She came to our picnics. Grandpa took care of her and her home ever since her husband passed away in the 1970s. I don't know exactly when it occurred, but eventually (as most elderly are advised to do), she quit claimed the house to my grandfather, retaining life use of it. So technically, he was the owner of the house but she had the right to live there for the rest of her natural life, or until she chose to live elsewhere. About a year and a half ago, they had finally convinced GG that she should probably be living closer to family and not in a 2-story centuries old house by herself anymore. She moved into an apartment in the same city where all of our family lived and the house was sold. This is when the feud began.

I had heard of Janet for years. It was always that "no-good" Janet who was asking for money again. I always wondered why Janet couldn't support herself, especially since GG was so against giving everything to her. Janet is her daughter (which I guess I knew without ever being told, but I have never met the woman) and Janet was quite upset when the house was sold and the profits were not split between the children. But Janet also had nothing to do with GG for all those years and, since GG had given the house to Grandpa, he had no reason to divide it. He DID give Janet a large sum of money after the sale, mainly because she was making a huge fuss, but he didn't have any legal obligation to do so. Apparently, it wasn't enough. That's all anyone heard about for the longest time afterwards. And once GG moved into the apartment, Janet suddenly became a part of her life again... whispering poison into her ears and slowly turning GG against our family.

Suddenly, it was that "no-good" family of Bob. We never did anything for her. We were never there for her. Grandpa robbed her blind and he was now on her bad side. She stopped coming to family gatherings for the first time in my 27 years on this Earth. And the words she was sharing with Janet were slowly making their way back to my family, hurting them and igniting anger in many of them. (I chose to stay out of this because I felt that if that was how she really felt, then there was no point in getting upset over it.)

Around Christmas, GG fell ill with pneumonia and ended up in a nursing home. I couldn't visit her because a) I have asthma, and b) I was 14 weeks pregnant at the time. But much of my family did visit her. Things started to change. We weren't the black sheep anymore. It started to look good. She spent her 92nd birthday in the nursing home, but the family brought a party to her (again, I couldn't go, but I sent a card). She was eventually released back to her apartment, where Janet wasted no time. By the time she was admitted again for her next illness, we were on her list again.

In spite of all of this, my mom and her sisters did try. My Grandfather was sincerely hurt by what was said and done, but he still loved his mother and did what he could for her. When we learned recently that she was diagnosed with lung cancer and was to start radiation, the family tried again. Grandpa and Grandma visited her last week when she was in good spirits and feeling pretty good. My parents and siblings planned on visiting her today. But it was too late. She passed away Wednesday night, quickly and (from what we were told) without suffering.

I hoped this would bring an end to the feud, but it seems to have only made it worse. Janet was in charge of the funeral arrangements so she was in control of everything now. When I called my Grandpa to find out about the arrangements, he was quite angry about how things were handled. I tried to comfort him, but there really was no way to do it so I sent him and Grandma flowers. My sister called me last night practically in tears because Janet will not allow our part of the family (Grandpa and his line) to be a part of the family procession at the burial. She also said she heard that Janet had left Grandpa out of the obituaries as a survivor of GG. And the kicker...one of our mother's uncles was now suing Grandpa over not dividing the money evenly from the sale of GG property a year and a half ago. I did my best to try to calm my sister down, explaining to her that there's no point in getting upset over something that we have no control. That people would understand that our family loved GG and we were there for her, whether or not we're in the procession. And that if they did't, it doesn't really matter what people we don't even know think anyway. We made plans to go out this afternoon to try to take her mind off of it.

This morning, I couldn't help but peek at the obits. Sure enough, Grandpa was left out, as if he never existed. So I did the only thing I could think of: I emailed the newspapers alerting them to the error and asking them to correct it in the newspapers tomorrow. I don't know if any change will come about from it, but at least I tried to do what I could. Hopefully it will help ease some of the pain that came about from the pettiness of these people.

It's really quite sad that this is how they are honoring my GG's life. In the end, though, they will get their just desserts. My beliefs don't fit into a conventional sort of organized religion, but I do believe in a sort of karma. Negativity breeds negativity, just as positive thinking breeds the positive. It's probably the only way I've been able to get through things like this without turning into the emotional wreck that my sister has become.

Great-Grandma, I am so sorry this is how you will be remembered. May you rest in peace...