Still cranky. The ears may be infected, but she's been on amoxicillan since 3AM Thursday. And pain reliever. And cold meds at night. This can't possibly be the cause for the continued crankiness. And I'm losing my mind over it. Brian is never home to help... She will not sleep. She will not play. She just wants to cry. And be held. But not held sitting, held standing. And she must be held like she is standing. Meanwhile, we're almost out of bottles and I accidentally melted the liner of our allergy mattress cover in the dryer. But I can't attend to either problem because here she sits, crying... crying... crying. It's been 40 minutes now that I've been trying to get her to go to sleep. She rubs her eyes... but will not sleep. I don't know how much more of this I can take.
ETA: I have tried playing on the floor with her sitting, with her standing, having her play in the Exersaucer alone and with me, bouncing her in the bouncy seat, walking around cradling her, walking around holding her upright, walking around with her belly on my forearm, rocking her in the chair on her side, rocking her in the chair on her back, reading to her, and so on and so forth. In the end, rocking her with her on her belly and her face up around my arm worked... but I think it's because she just gave up. She's napping now on her belly. I hope it lasts longer than 20 minutes since she doesn't seem to want to go longer than that today.
I feel like a terrible mother. A failure. I wanted her so badly, but all I am is depressed lately because I can't make her happy. I feel rejected. And worthless. And stressed because I'm supposed to manage everything around the house in between, which there is no in between lately. I melted the mattress cover because I was rushing to do the laundry (she was crying) and in my haste, I didn't change the temp setting. Haste makes waste, I know, but if I hadn't been so stressed out, it probably wouldn't have happened. I feel guilty because I'm blaming her for how I feel emotionally. And for even more that I don't dare type for fear of being ostracized as a traitor to motherhood. Right now, all I want is to be numb... Then it won't matter that she cries all day long.
Homemade Oatmeal Cream Pies
5 years ago
7 comments:
Carrie,
You are an incredible mother to Maggie. The fact that you feel so strongly about doing what's best for her proves that. We can all see it in your caring words and loving stories about how much you love her. Don't let a bad day or a bad week get you down. You're doing great!
Rosanne
Carrie - There are many bad days ahead sorry to remind you, they are trying & hectic but then there are those happy days & the bad ones just seem to disappear & are forgotten.
By no means am I saying I know what I am talking about but the little bit you shared seems like tummy issues. Is she able to eat ok? Maybe the med isn't working for her. You know B has had many ear infections & we went through every rx out there I think. Bring her in & they can check if the ears have gotten better or (hopefully not) worse.
I want to send hugs to you. I have o idea how to make it better and I'm not even a mom yet so I can't quite empathize, but I really sympathize and I think you're an awesome mom. From what I understand, feeling depressed is quite normal at this stage. If you get to feeling like you're in a downward spiral you can't seem to get out of, please don't be afraid to ask for help. Women aren't supposed to have to raise their babies all alone. We need the support of a community. And in our culture today, our doctors are part of that community.
OK assvice section of the day complete. I hope things start to settle down with your dear Maggie. As cute as they are babies can be super frustrating. Hugs to you.
((((HUGS)))) Carrie. I'm so so sorry things have been so rough. I can't say much more than has already been said, certainly not any better, but please know you are a good mommy, an excellent mommy who just wants her baby to be okay. I hope it gets better soon.
YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER!
I wish I could come and give you a break.
(((HUGS)))
Hope things are going better and Maggie is letting you get some rest.
Are you okay? Been thinking about you, and hoping your week improved. (((Hugs)))
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