- I am tired all the time. I have so much I want and need to do, but I can't seem to get myself going to do any of it. It's not so much that I sleep, because for some reason I'm not doing too well with that...I just lie down a lot. I feel so lazy.
- Nothing is appetizing. This was a small problem early on. It's becoming a bigger one. Sometimes I'll go most of the day feeling well, just not feeling like eating. Then the nausea strikes and I know eating something may help with it, but there's absolutely nothing I want to eat.
- Hand in hand with that is the nausea itself. At first, it was a sort of mild existence all day long. Now, I can go for half or more of the day feeling fine, and then all of the sudden, it hits. I'm not praying to the porcelain god, but I feel gosh darn awful. It seems to be the worst in the evening lately, the time when I normally catch up on blogs and email. Instead, I lie down on the couch, thankful for signs the baby is okay but feeling miserable at the same time.
- Maternity pants are a god-send! Yes, I'm only 9 weeks. But remember my post not too long ago about my lack of regular pants? I have found that demi-panel maternity pants, and especially side elastic ones, can be supplemented in the meantime. They have room to grow, but fit well enough that I can wear them now, too. Great transition pieces and very comfortable.
The list of worries is still there. This is my fateful weekend. If I can get past Monday, a huge hurdle will be behind us. I know I keep saying I'm not worried, and really, I don't think about losing the baby. It's just the timeline thing. It's on my mind, even if I'm not exactly expecting it to happen again. I just can't ignore it. To ease my mind, I decided to rent one of those fetal dopplers. It will arrive on Monday, just in time. It may still be too early to hear anything, but if I can pick up that precious little heartbeat, it will make it so much easier to wait it out until my next prenatal appointment on December 6th. Plus, my mother in law always has a family party the Sunday after Thanksgiving. I have a feeling the topic will be brought up, and I would like to know that everything is okay this time before really discussing it. Last time, I told everyone at my father's 50th birthday party on Saturday, only to find out on Monday that Arabella probably died that day.
A new worry...and I can thank TV for this. Did you know 1 in 2000 babies are born intersexual/hermaphrodites? I didn't, until TLC's programming this afternoon. I truly do feel I will be happy with a baby regardless of the gender, so long as s/he is healthy. But this causes a lifetime of emotional problems for those who are born this way. Everyone always asks, "Did you have a boy or a girl?" How do you answer that if the baby is a little of each? How does a child identify with what it may appear to be if it feels like is the other? Did you know that the chromosomes aren't the only thing that determines it? That you can have an XX boy or an XY girl if the hormones are out of whack? Why does this concern me? PCOS, which I have, is the result of imbalanced hormones, namely the androgynous ones. I go off of Metformin after 12 weeks are up...do I have to worry that this may affect the baby's gender in the end? Now that's a new one most people don't think about!!
Off I go back to the couch, my only refuge these days. I also want to thank you all for the outpouring of support. I know none of you saw the comment that set me off, but you were so understanding and caring about the situation - thank you! It means the world to me to know not everyone out there has malicious intent.
2 comments:
Carrie - (((HUGS))) It sucks that we have to have these worries. I had no clue about the gender issue, another thing to think about Hmmm..... try not to worry, I know easy for me to say. You & this little one are surround by tons of nothing but positive thoughts. Good luck w/ the doppler! Hope you feel better soon!!
Carrie you're like me. We need to stay away from tv.
I'm sorry you're sick, but happy at the same time. Good sign, that nausea. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for Monday. Once you get past that I hope you'll be feeling more optimisitc, though that optimism comes and goes--it grows steadily and one day you'll feel that joy just might stay.
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