Nausea, Nausea Every Day

Ugh! I can't believe that, after going away for almost a week, it's back and worse than ever before! I can't get comfortable anywhere, and nothing works to get rid of it. Yes, it's a sign that baby's healthy, but can't he just start kicking me or something instead? I have no desire to eat whatsoever, and actually *LOST* weight over Thanksgiving! I was down to less than my pre-pregnancy weight!

In other news, Brian and I browsed through Babies 'R Us again last night. It makes me feel so much better to plan ahead, like there really will be a bundle of joy to take home. The mission for the evening: to pick out the crib. I, as I have said before, am the ultimate planner. I made the registry up only a week or two after finding out I was pregnant. It was my way to organize in one place all the things we would need for the baby. It wasn't meant to be greedy - in fact, only my sister and mother know about it so far. It was just another way to list off the essentials (and, let's face it, some not so essential but fun stuff, too!). So Brian and I checked out the cribs again. He narrowed it down to the ones he liked best and let me decide from there. I figured it would be easier to just add it to the registry when I got home but it isn't available online. Another version is on the website (but not available for order), so I'll have to go back to the store to get it on the registry. In the meantime, the picture below is the crib, but we want it in a natural finish. It was one of the sturdiest cribs I could find, and although it doesn't have a dropside, the side wasn't too high up for me to reach in.

Jardine Madison Crib

We also started looking at houses and condos. Well, browsing at listings, really. We're not committing to actively looking yet. I'm not sure how our budget can handle a house payment at this time with a baby on the way. But it doesn't hurt to look. Unfortunately, the market is just way too high right now. Starter homes have gone through the roof and the only things left that are affordable are fixer-uppers and small condos. I don't think we'll be rushing into buying anytime soon.

Today is my mother-in-law's annual Open House party. She asked me on Thanksgiving if we would start telling people. I guess she had printed out the ultrasound page from my family website and had it up in her den. She offered to take it down if we wanted to keep it a secret, but I think it's time. Maybe she and my mom will take the reigns and tell everyone for me. Then the word is out without me having to do it myself. Seems like an easy solution to my dilemma. :)

Thanksgiving Thoughts

Happy Thanksgiving! One of my favorite holidays....food, food, food, family, and no commercialisim (i.e. spend all this money on your friends and family and it's supposed to show them you care). This year I have much to be thankful for.

• Of course, for the little Peep growing inside of me. It's 10 weeks today (well...sort of. Did I ever tell you how I'm going by the date of conception instead of my LMP? It's a psychological thing, but it makes me feel better, and since due dates tend to change anyway, I didn't think there was much harm in it.). Double digits. New territory. I am so grateful for every day I get with this little one, and hope with each passing day that it brings me closer to meeting him/her.


• I'm also thankful for all my sistas. Women I didn't even know a year ago who have helped me get so far in the short time I've known them. Women who have helped me in my times of need, and I hope I have helped them in some small way as well. Women who, although we've never met, have become best friends to me. Thank you for all you have done!


• I am thankful I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and money to pay my bills. So many are losing their jobs, and with the costs of food, heat, and housing going through the roof, I truly am very fortunate to have enough to live on.


• I am thankful I have a husband to love and love me back. That I have my family to support me. And that I am not alone in this world.


• It's sad that I had to edit to add this, but I almost forgot... I am thankful for Arabella. I didn't have much time with her, but I learned so much from that experience. That was her purpose, I believe - to open my eyes to so much.

There are many other things to be thankful about, but I don't want to go on and on. These are the biggies, the ones that are on my mind the most today. So as I sit down to feast this afternoon (if Peep will allow my nausea to subside), I will be thinking of all of you and how you have enriched my life. Thank you. Best wishes!

To Tell Or Not To Tell?

That is the question. I made a few promises to myself. One was that after I got past the crucial weekend, I would be more relaxed. I actually ended up being a little more relaxed than expected before that weekend came. The other dilemma is when to share our news with the rest of our families.

Initially, I wanted to wait until Christmas. I thought it would be so sweet to share that during the holidays, like a Christmas present for the family. In addition, since I would be at 14 weeks at Christmas, I would be firmly into the 2nd trimester. But since our parents have known about this since the beginning, it goes without saying that the word has most definitely spread in spite of the warning that it was to be kept quiet. Then I said after Thanksgiving. 10 weeks seemed a safe point to me; almost at the end of the 1st trimester and past the point I lost Arabella. But you see, I’ve also been avoiding our families in the meantime so I can avoid the subject. I hate lying, and I’m terrible at it. The thing is, now we’re hearing from people asking how we’re doing and what’s new, and it almost seems like there’s no point in keeping quiet about this any longer. I got past 9w4d. The heart is beating away. How much longer do I have to wait? How much longer do I have to avoid the inquiries from our well-meaning family members to keep from accidentally saying something I shouldn’t? Can’t I just let the cat out of the bag?

But it’s not that simple... It’s one thing to say you’ll share the info at a set point in time. It’s another to bring yourself to do it. In spite of my positive feelings about this pregnancy, and how well it has gone, I’m still reluctant to divulge the information. I want to, I really do - but I can’t bring myself to do it! I guess in the end, that’s the true measure of how I feel about the situation. As optimistic as I am, I’m still being cautious.

Of course, my mother-in-law will be having her annual Open House party this Sunday, and I’m sure the topic will be brought up. If I’m directly confronted with it, there’s no way to hide it. But I can’t seem to get myself to volunteer the information. Not yet.

The Most Wonderful Sound in The World

Thump thump thump. A noise we take for granted. A sweet, sweet noise, nonetheless.

As many of you know, today was the last day in my critical weekend hurdle to get over. It was at 9w4d that I learned Arabella's heart had stopped beating. As a last minute decision last Thursday, I decided to rent a doppler after all in case I could hear the baby's heart. My OB wasn't exactly in favor of it, but I promised to not fall apart if I didn't hear anything. Especially now - it's still pretty early. Nonetheless, when the package arrived at work today, I immediately put aside a portion of my lunch break to play with the new toy. I swore I heard that heart fluttering away for a brief moment on my lunch break, but I was running out of time and still hadn't eaten, so I had to give up and get moving. After work, the first thing I did was slather that ultrasound gel on the probe and start looking. I followed the advice of the girls on FF's June Expecting board - look low, go slow, and use a little pressure. A rolled up towel under the hips also works wonders. This last bit of advice is mainly for those with tipped uteruses (or would that be uteri?) (I don't know if I have one), but I tried it anyway. It couldn't hurt!

After about 10 minutes of trying, and listening to my own pulse, and what I think was the placenta (sounds like wind in the trees), I got it. Then I lost it. Then I spent another 5 minutes trying to find it again. And I did. Persistance paid off. I recorded what I heard and went back to the kitchen to listen to the reference CD. It sounded like what the CD had as an example for a 10 week old fetus, so I was on the right track. I recorded it to the computer and counted away...the recording isn't perfect, but I counted about 160 beats per minute. Yup, that's not my pulse I heard!! :) Pure Heaven in a recording! I wasn't particularly worried today that I had lost this little one, but this tiny bit of reassurance was worth that rental fee. :)

Now all I have to do is figure out where I can host the file so I can share it with you!

Clean Clean Clean!

I don't know how I finally found the energy yesterday, but I finally tackled *some* of what I've been meaning to do for a couple weeks now. Yay! I vacuumed the whole apartment (sad that I'm proud of that, but it's been longer than I'd like to remember), packed up my ski and hiking equipment in rubbermaid totes and put that in the basement, reorganized my husband's closet that doubles as the sports equipment storage area (he has the big closet so he has to share it with the skis and such), cleared the kitchen table of my husband's clutter (yay! I can see the table again!), and moved the file cabinet to the kitchen. I'm terrible about filing paperwork and usually let it pile up for a couple months before I finally put it away - the paperwork to be shredded is even worse. For a while now I've been thinking about moving the file cabinet and shredder to the kitchen, figuring that if the paperwork has a shorter journey to its final destination, it may end up there sooner rather than later. Plus, I have to make room in the junk room. :)

A week or so ago, I had the revelation that our apartment is too small to work out once the baby comes. It really is very small and we probably shouldn't make it work, but it can be done - at least, on a very temporary basis. I had forgotten about my original plan of putting my husband's dresser in the front room (aka junk room), where his closet is anyway, to make room for the bassinet and later, the crib. The baby would have to share our room as long as we live here, but that should be okay for the first 6-12 months anyway. We can't go crazy with baby furniture, that's all... No fancy changing tables since we don't really have a lot of room for one, no armoires, or glider chairs. But we can make this work. For a little while. - Can you tell I hate moving? :) I just hate getting out of a situation I know to get into one I don't know. You don't know how the landlord will be, or the neighbors...at least I know all that here.

Today I was hoping to get some of the baking for Thanksgiving done, but I don't know... I may have run out of steam. At least the nausea hasn't been bothering me quite as much this weekend. Don't get me wrong - it's still there. But it hasn't been as debilitating. Only a few more weeks until the 2nd trimester, when the nausea should subside anyway! Just in time for Christmas!! :)

Living in A Maternity World

Believe it or not, that title came to me at about 3:45 this AM. Sleep isn't something that I'm coming by easily at night, although I am so tired. Here's what's going on in my life:

• I am tired all the time. I have so much I want and need to do, but I can't seem to get myself going to do any of it. It's not so much that I sleep, because for some reason I'm not doing too well with that...I just lie down a lot. I feel so lazy.


• Nothing is appetizing. This was a small problem early on. It's becoming a bigger one. Sometimes I'll go most of the day feeling well, just not feeling like eating. Then the nausea strikes and I know eating something may help with it, but there's absolutely nothing I want to eat.


• Hand in hand with that is the nausea itself. At first, it was a sort of mild existence all day long. Now, I can go for half or more of the day feeling fine, and then all of the sudden, it hits. I'm not praying to the porcelain god, but I feel gosh darn awful. It seems to be the worst in the evening lately, the time when I normally catch up on blogs and email. Instead, I lie down on the couch, thankful for signs the baby is okay but feeling miserable at the same time.


• Maternity pants are a god-send! Yes, I'm only 9 weeks. But remember my post not too long ago about my lack of regular pants? I have found that demi-panel maternity pants, and especially side elastic ones, can be supplemented in the meantime. They have room to grow, but fit well enough that I can wear them now, too. Great transition pieces and very comfortable.

The list of worries is still there. This is my fateful weekend. If I can get past Monday, a huge hurdle will be behind us. I know I keep saying I'm not worried, and really, I don't think about losing the baby. It's just the timeline thing. It's on my mind, even if I'm not exactly expecting it to happen again. I just can't ignore it. To ease my mind, I decided to rent one of those fetal dopplers. It will arrive on Monday, just in time. It may still be too early to hear anything, but if I can pick up that precious little heartbeat, it will make it so much easier to wait it out until my next prenatal appointment on December 6th. Plus, my mother in law always has a family party the Sunday after Thanksgiving. I have a feeling the topic will be brought up, and I would like to know that everything is okay this time before really discussing it. Last time, I told everyone at my father's 50th birthday party on Saturday, only to find out on Monday that Arabella probably died that day.

A new worry...and I can thank TV for this. Did you know 1 in 2000 babies are born intersexual/hermaphrodites? I didn't, until TLC's programming this afternoon. I truly do feel I will be happy with a baby regardless of the gender, so long as s/he is healthy. But this causes a lifetime of emotional problems for those who are born this way. Everyone always asks, "Did you have a boy or a girl?" How do you answer that if the baby is a little of each? How does a child identify with what it may appear to be if it feels like is the other? Did you know that the chromosomes aren't the only thing that determines it? That you can have an XX boy or an XY girl if the hormones are out of whack? Why does this concern me? PCOS, which I have, is the result of imbalanced hormones, namely the androgynous ones. I go off of Metformin after 12 weeks are up...do I have to worry that this may affect the baby's gender in the end? Now that's a new one most people don't think about!!

Off I go back to the couch, my only refuge these days. I also want to thank you all for the outpouring of support. I know none of you saw the comment that set me off, but you were so understanding and caring about the situation - thank you! It means the world to me to know not everyone out there has malicious intent.

Anonymous

A word for cowards to hide behind. An identity for trolls who wish to have hide their identities. And now, no longer allowed to post in my blog.

This evening, I received an extremely hurtful and offensive post in my blog. I don't know who posted it as the author wasn't brave enough to use his/her name. Whomever it was, the comment was unwanted and unnecessary. I don't understand why anyone would visit the blog of a pregnant lady who has been through loss and write something so vile and intentionally mean. But it won't happen again. You know who you are - should you ever happen upon my blog again, please know you are unwelcome here. I hate having to turn off anonymous posting since I don't want to force people to register, but I should not, and will not, be subjected to the idiocy of cowards either.

Realizations

A couple things. The obvious is that I am now only a week away from the critical point for me in this pregnancy. It was at 9w2d that I probably lost Arabella. Oddly, I'm not as distressed about this as I thought I would be. Even Brian admitted that he was feeling very optimistic about this pregnancy. I think it's because everything is different this time. If it had all been the same, I would not have been able to believe it, but it's been smooth sailing so far (aside from that very short episode of extremely light spotting a couple weeks ago). I went shopping with my sister on Thursday and ended up buying a whole bunch of outfits for the baby, estimating to the best of my ability the sizes for the times of year they would be worn. Like this adorable fleece jack o'lantern sleeper set that was originally $44 - only $5! How could I not get it? I could picture our baby in it the moment I saw it. So while I was anxious originally about this moment in pregnancy, it's not really a big deal to me anymore.

The other is that there is no way we can make it work out in our tiny apartment. We have an odd living situation in that we used to own our house. We bought a 3 family house in November 2001. Shortly thereafter, we tired of being landlords. We sold the house in December 2003 for a nice profit and paid off a lot of bills (unfortunately, not all of them). We didn't plan on buying again for a while, and ended up renting our apartment back from the new owner. It's cute, but it's only 700 square feet in 4 little rooms. I thought we could try putting the crib in our bedroom for the first 6 months at least and do our best to rearrange for a changing table, but there is no room. Our bedroom is only about 9'x10' - very cramped to begin with. The other bedroom is the junk room, with our computer and desk, bookcase, and a whole bunch of sports equipment that has to be stored where temps are pretty consistent. There is no way this will work. We didn't want to be moving before the baby comes because it would empty our bank account to do it - everyone wants first, last, and security. But if there's no room, there's no room. We'll have to do it. I'd rather wait until winter is over, so I guess that means we'll have to move when I have a big preggo belly. I'm not looking forward to it - I hate moving. But it needs to be done.

OMG! I'm Having a Chicken!

You know how you look at clouds sometimes trying to find pictures in their formations? Well, I have to say our first pictures of the baby aren't exactly discernable as a baby. It must have been his/her position at the time, because I know Arabella actually looked like a fetus at her ultrasound. So anyway, I've been staring at the pictures a lot lately (I keep copies in my desk at work to keep me motivated) and I noticed something. In picture number 2, our baby looks like a chicken! I would have drawn it out for you, but my mouse skills stink, so bear with me. The beak is on the top, facing left toward the yolk sac (no wonder there's a yolk sac! LOL!), and it even looks like there's a little bit of rooster fluff on the back of that chicken head!

If you don't see the chicken, there's another vision in the image... Look where the heart is (the heartbeat was coming from the bottom where there are 2 white circles side by side). Well, those circles look like a little butt mooning me! If I didn't see the heart beating there, I would have been sure that it was the butt!! :)

I'm Normal!

I had my follow up appointment yesterday with the OB for my blood pressure. She looked at my log of readings at home and was amazed at the difference. She said there was no way she'd put me on medication as I would be passed out on the floor if she did. Funny she said that (I'll get to this later). She said the bloodwork came back great, my blood count is apparently really good, and she looked at the ultrasound and felt everything looked the way it should be. So I'm not being labeled high risk. I go back on December 6th for my next appointment. I was hoping to negotiate for 4 weeks from my 1st prenatal appointment instead of from yesterday's appointment, but she had a situation. You see, as I've said before, the OB is also pregnant. I'm guessing she's due in late winter by the way she looks, and she was feeling lightheaded before the appointment started. It only got worse during the appointment. We ended up having to trade places eventually so she could lie down on the table! The nurses came in to check on her, and she kept apologizing, but I was more concerned about how she was doing. I don't know if this has happened to her a lot, but she did say this is the last kid she'll be having, so she must be having a particularly rough pregnancy (it's not her first). In any case, I was shooed out the door so they could take care of her and told that if I had any more questions, I could call back the next day. Is this what I have to look forward to?

In other news, I have no pants. Yes, you're reading that right. I was on a change of life plan last year and lost 30 lbs between July 2003 and March 2004. So, all of my pants were too big and I donated them. (D'oh! Think of all the clothes I wouldn't have to buy while pregnant if I had only saved some of them!) So, as summer came, I bought summer clothes. Then I got pregnant and bought maternity clothes. Then I miscarried and didn't buy any clothes. Now it's getting cold and I only have 3 pairs of pants, and one of them was tight the last time I wore them 2 weeks ago, so I really only have 2 pairs of pants. What a dilemma! If I buy regular pants, they won't fit in about a month anyway. (Am I guessing right? I'm about 8 weeks now, so by the 2nd trimester I'll probably start wearing maternity clothes, especially since I'm a big girl to start with?) But if I don't buy any, my legs are going to freeze. Plus, I hate shaving to begin with, and truthfully, I enjoy getting away with not doing it as frequently in the winter. This sort of ruins that secret plan... Ugh! If only I didn't work, then I could sit around in sweats all day not worrying about this! What to do, what to do?

Preggo Brain

Also known as a case of "the stupids." Funny how it strikes so early on. I can't concentrate on anything. I can remember even less. I find myself walking away from my truck not able to remember if I locked it, not able to recall if I put deodorant on, and even forgetting if I washed my hair while I'm in the shower. Getting anything done at work has become one of the more difficult tasks of the day since everyone is always asking me about things that happened months ago. Since I'm the one who remembers everything in our relationship, it's made things awfully difficult at home, too. I've taken to writing everything on the calendar, but that requires actually remembering to look at the calendar. LOL! I have my 3-month follow-up appointment with my endocrinologist this coming Friday. I was supposed to go for a fasting panel of bloodwork about a week before my appointment, so I planned on going yesterday. Yet I woke up Saturday morning, ate a bowl of cereal, and *then* looked at the calendar. Darn it! So now I'm fasting in hopes that I can get the bloodwork done tomorrow before work. There's nothing more cruel than asking a pregnant lady to fast, especially when she's experiencing morning sickness (which mine kindly rears it's head in the evening!) - my only "cure" has been removed. Of course, if I had remembered Saturday morning, I wouldn't be sitting here right now feeling like crud. Well, maybe I would be, but at least I could try eating something to take the edge off of it.

Let's hope I can remember my follow-up OB appointment tomorrow afternoon and my actual appointment Friday with the endo. :)

All Is Well

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
The prognosis is very good. The ultrasound tech (who was extremely nice, I must add) said everything looked great. She even let me *listen* to the heartbeat. You read that right...even though I am only at 7 weeks, I was able to hear that precious little heart beating along. I wasn't even given the option with my last pregnancy. What a beautiful sound it was... Thumping along at 142 beats per minute. So, without further delay, here are the (well, let's be honest, mostly undeterminable) photos! The baby is in between the +s and next to him/her is the yolk sac.







I won't have another ultrasound until 20 weeks, so this will have to be good enough for now. But starting with my next monthly visit, they're going to start letting me listen to the heartbeat at every visit with the doppler, so I think that will make me happy. :) I do have to go back Monday for a follow-up because of my white coat hypertension, but my blood pressure at home as been around 110/62 so they *probably* won't put me on medication, but I know the doctor was very concerned about how high it was in office. We'll just have to wait until Monday to find out how she wants to handle this.

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Elections...

I know I'm a couple days late in saying anything about this, but I do have to say that they bring out the worst in people. It disgusts me that, as a democratic nation, those who do not support the president that was voted in (by a narrow margin, I must add, if you look at it on a state by state basis) are immediately jumped upon for not being "American." Isn't being "American" being a person who is able to have free thought and express that thought with the gift of free speech, thanks to the bill of rights? Or will that portion of the bill of rights be subject to some modification this term? I have the right to disagree with the winner of the election. I don't agree with his politics or his methods. He may be a good person, but he is not a good leader for this country, in my opinion. I have problems with all the civil liberties we have lost since he came into power 4 years ago, and fear for how many more will go by the wayside in the next 4 years.

• I don't agree with his removal from protection areas of land for personal gain (logging and oil) - we only have so much land, and we have an obligation to protect what's left of it, especially what is in those designated areas. They were put aside for a reason, and it certainly wasn't for the purpose they were removed recently.


• I feel we are in an unjustified war. The war on terrorism was supposed to be to "get the guys" behind the 9/11 attacks. Last I knew, that was the Al Qaida and Bin Laden, not Saddam Hussein. To run off half cocked to start a war with a nation that was not involved in the attacks, while leaving Bin Laden and his group running free in Afghanistan, is entirely absurd. It also leaves much to be wondered about the motives when you have an oil baron as the "leader" of your nation. (I won't even get started on how I believe that the 9/11 attacks could have been prevented, but someone wanted to make a statement and be able to go to war, since Republicans historically are big on scare tactics as a tool and war to make their points...)


• I also feel there is too much mixing of church and state. There is a separation of the two for a reason. The government should not be involved in determining who can get married and who can't. I don't care what your personal beliefs are - this is overstepping the boundaries of the federal government (and, to be honest, any state that gets involved in this idiocy isn't much better). I think far too many times, "God" was brought into the picture when "He" should not be a part of the laws governing our country. That's fine if that is your personal belief, and you have every right to practice that belief, but to mandate on one person's belief system is ridiculous when there are so many Americans from so many different religious and cultural backgrounds in this nation.


• I'm also a staunch opposer of censorship, something the current "leader" strongly supports. I can decide for myself what is and isn't appropriate - I don't need, nor do I want, big government getting involved in that decision.

So you see, it's not a situation of Kerry not winning so I'm a sore loser - to be honest, I don't really agree entirely with Kerry, either. It's more that I did not agree with W and did not want to see what harm could be done with another term of unchecked politics (because, let's face it - since he doesn't have to worry about a re-election now, there isn't a whole lot to stop him - especially with Republican majorities now, too).

Many have told me to suck it up and support the President, that we need to be unified as a nation. I am not a lemming. I will not support a person who narrowly won because he's the "leader" - he has to earn that right, something he has not done so far. I support Americans, I support the poor troops who are stuck overseas fighting an oil war, but I do not, nor do I have to, support W. It is my right as an American. I hope I am proven wrong, but considering how the last four years went, I am not optimistic about it...

Peace

I don't know why, but I've sort of fallen into that peaceful feeling today. I'll admit that I had a moment of panic this morning when I had some cramping, but seeing as there was absolutely no blood accompanying it, I chalked it up to just things expanding and growing for the baby. I'm really not freaking out very much anymore. I know my ultrasound will be on Friday, but I think I could have even waited another week or more at this point and would probably still be fine. Things are different this time. Even though the timeline is about the same (appointments at about the same point, including the ultrasounds being at 7w1d), it's not the same. That lack of spotting after my internal exam yesterday *really* helped ease my mind. Last time with Arabella, I had a lot of red spotting with some clot-like material in it (tissue?). I didn't freak out at the time because I was told it was normal to spot after an internal. This doctor said the same, but either she has a gentler touch, or this pregnancy really is going to stick. Either way, I'm feeling pretty positive right now.

Where I Stand

I'm back from my 1st prenatal appointment. I don't really have any answers right now - we'll have to wait until Friday for more info, as that is when my 1st ultrasound will be. But the doctor kept trying to reassure me that just because I miscarried once doesn't mean it will happen again (what she doesn't know is that I have so many friends online who have had multiple miscarriages, so this has, of course, colored my perspective of the situation). I really liked this doctor - she's young and pregnant herself, so maybe that helps. Of course, I'll be bounced around between her and 3 other doctors in the practice (2 males and 1 more female). She was very thorough, had a lot of information to share (like how nobody in their practice has ever seen a patient with listeria .... she herself eats deli meat and feels that it is very unlikely deli meat would cause problems. She likened it to worrying about crossing the street because you might get hit by a bus...). She also seemed to be very understanding about my perspective and was trying her best to make me feel comfortable.

So I will be having an ultrasound on Friday to see what's going on. Then we'll go from there. I also have to go back on Monday because my old white coat hypertension reared its ugly head. Since I'm a new patient, she wants to see me again in a week to see what's going on and I have to keep monitoring at home. This (of all things!) might get me labeled as "high risk" - not the PCOS. But we'll have to see how that goes. If that is the case, I'll have office visits every 3 weeks instead of every 4, which would be fine by me. The closer of a watch they have on me, the safer I will feel - even if it doesn't really mean anything in the end.

That's where I stand... my spotting had stopped but, of course, the pelvic exam today started it up again. At least I'll have my ultrasound in 3 1/2 days (it will be at 12:30 on Friday).