I Wish...

...I had the time to clean up around here. I mean *REALLY* clean. I realized today that I don't remember when I last mopped the floors. Or vacuumed them, for that matter. Not that vacuuming them makes a huge difference since our crummy vacuum just throws the dirt around anyway.

...I had the time to do it the Fly Lady way. But I don't. Whenever I start something, Maggie decides she wants to be held or changed or fed and so on and so forth. We had a bit of a crisis this morning because she wouldn't let me clean the bottles. I was just too tired last night after my sister's shower and vowed to wash them this morning...but that was an ordeal since Maggie refused to nap! How the heck am I supposed to get anything done when she'll only sleep for a half hour or so? I'm lucky I get the dishes and the laundry done...anything else is on an "as I get to it" basis, which obviously isn't often.

...I could just hire somebody to clean all the big stuff. I'm so far behind that it's totally overwhelming. I did manage to sweep and Swiffer "mop" (using the wet pads with the regular old Swiffer) the kitchen. It's a start, right? I also washed all of Becky's toys (our dog), as well as her bed. And the blankets in the living room because they were starting to smell like dog. And finally, 8 of the 11 dirty bottles. And a few dishes. But that's it. There simply wasn't enough time and I was just too tired first thing this morning to get to it since Maggie insisted on waking up at 3:30am to feed and wouldn't go back to sleep. I really just need someone to catch me up again so I can maintain, honest!

...I had more than 6 days of maternity leave left...and it's almost only 5 days. If I'm this far behind now, how will I manage when I'm at work all day? It's almost enough to give a girl a panic attack.

...Margaret would go back to her old sleep schedule. She was doing great for about 2 weeks. Sleeping 7 hours straight and not waking until 5am or later. In the last few days, she started waking earlier and earlier again, sleeping only about 5 hours tops. We were doing so well!! I wouldn't be as upset if she was doing this all along, but I know she can sleep better than this, so it makes it really frustrating. Today, out of desperation, I even tried a bit of a CIO (cry it out) thing with her just to get her to take a nap that was longer than 30 minutes. It did work, and it only took two 4 minute stretches of crying for the first nap...but it was not fun for either of us. We also tried this with putting her down for her last nap of the day. It took three 4 minute stretches this time (2 of them Brian took...he was quite irritated that I got her to sleep on my first try, but it was pure luck IMHO). On the up side, when I put her down in her crib for the night she popped awake again. I was expecting the waterworks after that, but I got nothing but coos and smiles. I guess our exercises in lengthening naps this afternoon helped her tonight because I've never been able to put her down for sleep while she was awake before. But I'm sure that won't last either.

... ... ... Well, I won't go into the obvious again. We all know what my big wish is right now. I kept complaining to Brian tonight that I don't want to go back to work, but he kept saying, "Too bad. You have to." He's right but it still sucks. He has told me before that he wonders why I want to stay home if I end up getting frazzled sometimes by how cranky she gets during the day. He's right, it doesn't make sense. But deep down inside, I think it's the fact that I *know* her and nobody else knows her the way I do. I know how to deal with her, what her different cries mean, what her sort-of schedule is (that is nearly impossible to explain), and how to calm her down. Even Brian doesn't know her the way I do, and I know it frustrates him when he sees evidence of that. So how can I possibly expect a stranger to take care of her if it took me 8 weeks to get to know her? I don't want her to have to go through that process with anyone else. She's mine and I don't want to share her! I want to be the one who has that secret magic key to all her troubles, the one that she looks for in a crowded room (something she did at my sister's shower when they were passing her along... she followed me with her eyes all over the room). I don't want anyone else to get that priviledge. Call me selfish, but that's the way I feel. And as crazy as she can make me at times, it's worth it. I may not get much done around the house, but I do get a feeling of accomplishment when I see her smile at me and know that I'm meeting her needs, at least. Nothing can beat that feeling. Nothing.

So do I go wish on the stars? Is there any chance that will help? Maybe I need a Fairy Godmother to come along and wave her magic wand? Bippity, boppity, boo! Whatever I need to make my wishes come true, please send it my way! I could really use that right now!