Random Thoughts

Thank you to everyone for all of your understanding, support, and advice! It really does help!

To clarify...I live in the same town as where I work. In fact, work is less than 1 mile away but the daycare we're taking Maggie to is closer to 3 miles away. Not convenient when there's traffic, but it was what we chose at the time. I guess I'm a little spoiled in that respect though. I'll at least have the time to go visit her on my lunch breaks so all won't be lost.

One week of maternity leave left. What have I done? Well, I applied for a night job at a hospital about 1 hour away. The travel would be heck, especially since it would be on highways that get backed up. I hate traffic. But it's an evening/night position, which should enable me to at least spend my days with Maggie without having to send her to daycare. There's another position at a hospital that's a half hour away that I will also be applying for. The hours for that position are 11PM to 7AM (I don't know the actual hours for the position I already applied for, BTW). We'll see if either of these works out.

Brian actually did come around to the idea of staying home during the day with Maggie and working at night. Except he's a horrible procrastinator. He waited too long to get his resume in for a job that would have been perfect for him. It was in his field and it was only 3 days a week, 6PM-6AM. He complained yesterday that he was looking forward to spending his days with her. Guess that should be a lesson to him on what happens when you put off until tomorrow (and the next day and the next day...) what you could have done today.

I can't believe Maggie is 8 weeks old! Has that much time really gone by? The days blur into one that it's so hard to mark the passage of time, other than by her new abilities. She smiles all the time now. We have little smiling matches every morning. She coos and makes all sorts of noises. She has different cries for different things. She can hold her head up really well. She has rolled over from tummy to back several times now. She would crawl if she could...when you put her down on her tummy, the back legs start going almost instantly. If she knew what to do with her arms, she'd be mobile! She has a personality now. She's no longer the little "blob" that she once was. She's pretty moody and stubborn, but quite lovable. And I'm going to miss her.

I never would have pictured myself loving staying home, but I do. I guess part of it is that I'm not a very social person anyway. I only have 1 real friend now, and she moved earlier this year to about 40 minutes away. I'm not fond of my co-workers. All the good ones left. I don't crave going back to work for the social aspect of it. I'd be just fine with talking baby talk all day to Margaret instead of spending my time talking to adults. I used to worry about what I would do all day to occupy myself if I were home. Instead, I find there's no time to worry because I'm always busy. And I like that. It's always different and always interesting with Maggie around. I'm going to miss this life.

It's all my fault I can't stay home... I shouldn't have been so irresponsible with credit cards. We've paid off a lot, but there's still enough left that I HAVE to work no matter what. If it wasn't for them, I'd say screw it and stay home anyway. Just would have to be careful not to get too sick since Brian's medical insurance sucks. But alas, I dug my own grave.. Made my bed and now I must sleep in it. If only I had thought ahead when I was younger...