Life Happens The Way It's Supposed To

As you probably guessed, the nonsense of last month has blown over. I am very grateful for my personal voice of reason reaching out across the country to gift me some perspective on the situation--THANK YOU!!! Once I stepped back and let it go, it didn't seem quite as bad. And now, it's no longer the news of the week. Thank goodness.

Stepping back is hard to do though. Not only from that but the bigger picture. This semester includes, yet again, a selection of books that include infidelity as a key part of the action. Nothing like having to read about it over and over again and then being required to discuss a topic on which you know too much and would rather not discuss. And yet, I find that when this topic comes up time and time again in class and these young girls justify the infidelity found in these so-called works of literature that my blood begins to boil and I feel like they are so ignorant of reality, that they don't really know what they are saying, but if they truly believe it...then I hope they're never in for that rude awakening.

And yet, it's a part of the fabric of my life. I'm pretty matter of fact about it when I choose to share the situation, not because I want to make B feel bad or punish him, but rather because it was and continues to be a huge learning experience in my life. Just as my miscarriage shaped the person I am today, so has this. With the bad came some very good. And to dismiss the situation as never happening, to ignore it entirely, is to lose the lesson. Even though I don't want to go out and discuss it (most of the time--sometimes I get these weird philosophical musings on the topic in general, but that usually freaks people out and they clam up) I think it's wrong for people to pretend it doesn't exist. And it's wrong for a betrayed partner to feel ashamed of the situation. Those who are uninitiated are quick to arrive at an opinion of blaming entirely either the wayward partner (being s/he is a philandering jerk) or the betrayed partner (that s/he was too cold, didn't love enough, didn't do enough and so s/he deserved it). But it's never that cut and dry. Two people are involved in the relationship and both are responsible for their half of the duo--and infidelity is never a valid response to the situation. Never. One person stated last night that our book, The Good Soldier, is "messy." That's probably the best way to describe a situation involving infidelity. It is messy. It's difficult to untangle, especially if the wayward isn't remorseful or looking to work the situation out.

But it happens the way it's supposed to. And that's okay because in the end, it's all what you make of it. This does not define the person. It's what s/he does with it that matters...