Baby Carrier Madness

Most of this collection I already had... but due to recent depression, I found myself building the collection again (also in anticipation of the arrival of Sprout)... So I felt like showing off a bit to sort of count my blessings and make me feel better. I'm not much of a collector (though I do tend to obsess about things for short periods and move on) but I'm pretty proud of this.

• Mom-and-Me-Creations Eclectico Rebozo-Pouch Hybrid - Neopolitan
• Gypsy Mama BaliBaby Breeze Freya - 5yd
• Hoppediz Maxi Costa Rica
• Sleeping Baby Productions ring sling - silver/blue silk w/tail accent (I think it's 84")
• EllaRoo lightly padded ring sling - Brown Orient
• Maya Wrap Ring Sling (unpadded) - #67 (undyed)
  
• Peanut Shell microfleece pouch - Squirt (light green)
• WAHM-made thicker fleece pouch - royal blue on one side, pastel dots on light green on the other
• Colibri Baby Mei Tai - batik turtles w/natural canvas straps
• Eden Mei Tai - olive velveteen
• Mei Tai Baby Mei Tai - Indigo Mermaids w/khaki straps - on the way!!!
• Ball Baby (BBO) Mei Tai - Bohemian Circles - on the way!!!
  

(Edited to remove the Beco Baby Carrier as I had second thoughts about the pattern and ended up canceling my order... I ordered the Mei Tai Baby MT in its place because I couldn't resist the beautiful panel.... then I later removed the Hotsling Organic Hemp/Cotton pouch and Sachi MT because those, also, went on their way... added the Ball Baby MT. Yes, the stash is always changing!!!)

Absent Spouse

I could use some feedback on this one, if you don't mind...

How do you keep from losing your mind when you are the *only* caregiver? Forget primary, hubby is rarely home when Maggie is awake. Yes, he works 2 jobs. But he's supposed to have Sundays off, and I don't do any business work on Sundays because that's supposed to be our family day. Instead, he often goes skiing. He also has been taking at least 1 day off a week for over a month now to go skiing with friends as well. And since he usually gets out of his 2nd job early and goes skiing (because his job is at a ski area), that means about 4-5 days a week he's away skiing, not working... while I get no alone time. None. Zippo. Zilch. I have 2-3 parties a month, but that's work, not leisure.

It's wearing on me badly. Whether it's a contributor to the depression or the depression is making it worse, I don't know... but I'm having an awful time dealing with it right now as hubby is away, again, skiing and I have another full day with Maggie to look forward to. When she's refusing diaper changes, refusing to stay put to eat, ransacking everything, the dog won't go to the bathroom outside, and the house is (again) a mess even though I just cleaned it - knowing that the landlord is planning on coming sometime this week to rip down the ceiling in our linen closet because water keeps leaking through the ceiling from the apartment upstairs and they can't figure out why from upstairs....

I need a break.

Try a week's vacation somewhere tropical by myself. With no phones.

I don't know how much longer I can hold on to my sanity (if I still have any left) if this continues....

Anyone Ever See Aliens?

I feel like I'm growing an alien inside of me. I'll be sitting blissfully typing away at the computer when all of the sudden, my belly starts to get stretched out like something is trying to rip its way out of my stomach. For those who have never been pregnant, I can only imagine the images this brings to your minds. It's an indescribable feeling, really, that is both exciting and annoying at the same time. And I repeat... if at 29 weeks this kid is already at the top of my belly and jabbing me occasionally in the ribs, where will s/he go during the next 11 weeks?

Miss Maggie has abandoned all interest in the potty. For a short while, she would come running to me asking to sit on the potty... then proceed to have me read the same book (or 2) over and over again for 20 or 30 minutes until I got tired of waiting (our bathroom is VERY cold) and bribed her away with allowing her to wash her hands or brush her teeth (both things that fascinate her and bring hours of enjoyment). Well, the last few days she has been waking up dry and going longer between diaper changes but now has no interest in sitting on the potty. At least we're using less diapers...

Her language skills have, however, exploded. Besides using ASL signs more regularly, there are more words in the constant flow of chatter that are understandable. This girl loves to talk! At least now we're starting to understand what she has to say.

I'm settling in better to being a SAHM. I still get depressed from time to time. The weather doesn't help with that as I believe I have SAD. It's also sometimes frustrating that when I finally sit down to eat a bowl of cereal at 10:30AM and have already poured the milk, Maggie invariably either wants her own snack or howls for my brunch. At least when I was working I could eat and sleep without a tagalong or thief. I do have several people concerned now about my lack of weight gain over the last 2 months of this pregnancy. Unless you've been around a demanding 20 month-old all day long, though, you have no idea how it really sometimes is impossible to get any food into your system. And with the depression, I just wasn't all that hungry.

Naps are, hopefully, coming back into play at least. This means 1 meal a day while we're home alone, though not until 2PM or so. Maggie took about a 4 week hiatus from napping before I decided enough was enough this week. We've had naps for 3 or 4 days now. Later in the day than she used to nap, but as long as she naps, I don't care. Especially since she was starting to wake up earlier and earlier every day.

The last 2 days, Maggie woke up at around 8:30AM (instead of the usual 7/7:30AM, and of-late 6-6:30AM). I don't know why but I wish I could recreate it. It's been wonderful being able to sleep in since I rarely fall asleep before midnight.

Depression

I haven't been on because of a bout of depression. It eased during the last few days (thanks to some much-needed sunlight) but it's definitely still lingering.

I ended up switching practices to a new group of midwives and the closer birthing center that is part of a hospital. I spoke with the hospital's billing department and was assured that it would be billed as an inpatient procedure so I shouldn't have any problems getting insurance to pay. I meet with the new midwives next Wednesday... scary to go through this change so close to the end, but I have since spoken with others who switched to this practice even later in their pregnancies (and were totally happy about that change!) so I guess it's not that bad. Just need to do what's best for our family - financially and emotionally.

Finances aren't looking great but we're surviving. Just need to get my business into gear. I have one more party this month, 2 in April, and 2 in May (but after those 2 May parties, I think I'm going on maternity leave because it's quite tiring these days to stand in front of a crowd already). Hubby's second job will be ending later this month so then we'll really be in a crunch. I'm trying not to think about it too much as it just makes the depression worse.

27 Down, 13 To Go....

I'm officially in the 3rd trimester. How did that happen? 13 weeks can seem like so long, but for me, they don't. I know that the days pass quickly when there's a toddler in the house and I can't believe we're almost there. Wow. Wow, wow, wow. I'm a little freaked out.

Lonely, too. Hubby is away most of the week this time of year. He's working 2 jobs, which keeps him away all of Margaret's awake-day on Tuesdays and Thursdays (already gone Monday-Saturday 7AM-5PM anyway), plus he's been taking Fridays off to go skiing up north - another whole awake-day away. It's wearing on me. Having a headstrong toddler test boundaries, push buttons, and destroy the house all day long when you're by yourself with no hope of adult intervention anytime soon would probably drive anyone crazy. The last 2 weeks have been very stressful - especially due to the lack of naps. How the heck will I manage with 2 kiddos and no husband? (Because, you see, summertime is mountain biking season... he may not be working 2 jobs, but he'll still be away a lot...)

Still Waiting

I heard from the midwives' office today but there really wasn't any further news. They tried once again to get our insurance to pay - and were told, once again, that they will not pay for the childbirth center's fees. They keep blaming it on hubby's employer's plan, but there is nothing in the paperwork we received that says birth centers are not eligible for benefits. Now I'm waiting on clarification of what our balance will be ($2000 or $2400). They did say we're not expected to pay before Sprout's birth, which is fortunate since that's only about 13 weeks away. I was told that they will do whatever they can to work with us since they would hate for this to force us into the hospital. That means a lot to me right now.

Business is taking off. 2 parties this week, 2 parties next week, 2 bookings last night, and some more bookings that should come off of my sister's party next Saturday. The season change on March 1st has been keeping me busy getting in touch with clients about ordering before their favorites are gone, or trying to stir up interest in the new stuff coming out. I'm also working on recruiting since I will be taking a bit of a hiatus once Sprout comes and I need to ensure some sort of income coming in. Any takers? Just kidding...

Maggie is continuing with no naps. In fact, now she teases me. Comes over to me clutching her blanket and baby doll, saying "Mommy, night-night" and then coaxes me to follow her into her bedroom. She gets up on her bed, pats the mattress next to her: "Mommy, night-night" ... and as soon as I lie down with her, she laughs, gets up, and runs away. Great. She got me 4 times on Tuesday, and twice yesterday. And if she isn't doing that, she's at my bedroom door begging to go sleep in my bed... only to ransack my room. I had no idea children could be so manipulative at 20 months of age. She certainly knows how to push my buttons...

Funny thing about where I used to work... My sister applied for the job opening and since it's a municipal job, she had to take a test before they would even consider interviewing her. She went to the test Tuesday (as one of about 74 candidates) and was told there are now 2 positions open in that office. Very interesting. So that's 3 vacancies in 2 months' time. I wonder when Personnel will realize that the work environment in that office is the pits? The only reason why I advised my sister to go for it (when she called me asking about the job, after seeing it in the Classifieds) was that I knew 2 people were retiring in another department later this year and I figured she could get her foot in the door now and have a better shot at one of those positions. I will have to do some investigating and find out who left now... But I can't help giggling when I think about it. :) Justice? You bet!

Double Digits

99 Days to go.... Only double digits now! I remember looking at the ticker when there were 105 days left thinking that it would soon be double digits time, but it feels like that was only yesterday-literally!

99 Days and we have no idea where we're having this child.

We found out last week that hubby's insurance (which we switched to this month since I no longer am employed) will not pay for the birthing center fee. $2000. $2000 we don't have. We anticipated paying about $840 since his insurance book stated that they cover 80% and we're responsible for 20% (and the fee for the midwives and center comes to $4200 altogether). Which is also what they inadvertently quoted me when I asked for an estimate of my costs (the midwives want payment up front so we're supposed to get an estimate before the baby is born). When I pushed for further clarification of "80% of the allowed amount" I was told, in red type, that they do not cover freestanding birthing centers. Then the midwives' office spent 40 minutes on the phone with them only to find that, yes, they will not pay. Which is absurd. They were also told that the midwives' fees would be paid 100% (which is NOT in the literature I received, so I rather doubt that).

Now what?

Most likely, a hospital birth will be cheaper. But I don't want another hospital birth. I switched to this practice in December because I was thrilled to have another shot at a waterbirth, and a chance to have an unmedicalized labor and birth.

There is another birthing center in Connecticut that is part of a hospital, kind of. They bill under the hospital so if I switched to them, it's very likely their fees would be covered. AND the hospital-attached-birthing center is actually half as far away as the childbirth center I planned on using, so logically, I should be considering it. But I also don't want to switch practices again. I just switched 2 months ago, and I like the group I'm with, even if they aren't local.

We have no idea what we're doing at this point. All I know is something that I'm supposed to be eagerly awaiting has become something I'm dreading. How awful is it that insurance companies have so much say in the level of care we receive, especially in a case where they're actually refusing to pay the smaller fee. Absurd!