I'm Such An Idiot

Last night I finished up everything I needed to do early. So I figured, at about 9:30PM, that I would change out the jewelry in my nostril piercing. It should be healed by now and I have another nose screw (sounds like something dirty, eh? ;) ) that has a gem I like better in it. It took me about a half hour, but I finally did get the original nose screw out. The thing is, I should have stopped when I found it difficult to remove. I should have known better. 1 hour later, after countless attempts, I could not get either the new or original nose screws in. I was in tears. I didn't want to lose the piercing, but there's nowhere you can go at 11PM around here to get a piercer to put the jewelry in for you. Feeling like a fool, I stuck in some fishing line as a makeshift retainer and called it a night.

This morning, my nose hurts so much!! I'm home with sick Maggie again so I called my sister before she left for work and begged her to stop at the body piercing studio in the town where she works to get me a retainer. She has a friend who has a nostril piercing, too, who has shown her many times how to remove and re-insert nose jewelry, so she thought it was pretty funny. Hopefully, it doesn't close up before she gets here.

Yes, another sick day with Maggie. Diarrhea. It seems she gets a bout of this *every* month and it always lasts about a week. I keep thinking of this report I read, "One Sick Day Away", every time I have to call in sick to work for her. I guess a lot of employers are not that understanding about family matters like this. I was telling Brian about the report and he said "But they can't fire you because you're home with your sick daughter! You have plenty of sick time!" (Which I do have about 4 weeks banked and I earn 1.5 days for every month I work...sadly, I haven't accumulated in a long time.) But what he doesn't understand is that they find ways around it. And any mom who has been forced to stay home often with a sick child knows how easy it would be for their employer to claim that work quality has suffered so you get the boot. I mean, missing 2 days on average per month will make your work quality suffer, no doubt about it. And it's not like I can do my job at home. But there isn't a darn thing I can do about it either. All of my family works, and Brian only gets 5 sick days a year, so I'm the likely candidate to stay home when she's ill. I have no choice in the matter. So far, my boss has *seemed* understanding, saying she remembers those days from when her kids were babies. But she's also been known to be a totally different person when you're not around, if you know what I mean, so who knows...

Life goes on...

OMG!!! It's been so long!

How could nearly 2 months have passed since my last entry? The time has really flown by!

I've been a bit obsessed with a healthier lifestyle (and therefore, weight loss) over the last couple of months, so I've been spending the bulk of my time: reading articles on how to break bad habits and build good ones; tracking calories; exercising; etc. It's been all-consuming - but it's been working, too! Since April 21st, I've lost 21.6 lbs!!! I have a long way to go still, but I was able to reach my pre-pregnancy weight by Maggie's birthday!!






And yes, Maggie is now a one year old!! We celebrated with our immediate families on June 17th. Poor girl didn't even know what to do with her cupcake! Daddy had to help her out!

She's also officially a toddler, having learned to walk a few weeks ago!!! She's been keeping me very busy now that she's so mobile, constantly climbing on the furniture and trying to make long distance calls on the cordless phone or change the outgoing message on our answering machine. And if she can't have her way, she throws MASSIVE tantrums. My mom said I was the same way. She's thrilled.

I can't believe how much Maggie has changed over the last year. At this time last year, we were learning the ropes as inexperienced new parents with our new little "blob". Now, she's walking, crawling, climbing, laughing, "talking", using her imagination all the time, drawing (she even knows to stay on the paper...for the most part!), and she clearly has her own little personality. She tries to manipulate and is very opinionated. She very much is a little person, and it's totally amazing to me! The time truly does fly by and before we know it, she'll be all grown up. But I'm not wishing for that anytime soon. I'm just trying to savor the here and now.

I've Been Tagged!

Is this an attempt to get me to post more? Ha ha! I've been tagged by Momma Bee for 6 Things Weird About Me!

Rules

1. Go write weird facts/things/etc. about yourself in my comment box and on your blog, then tag six more people!
2. Then leave a comment that says ‘You are tagged’ in their comments telling them to read your blog.

Weird Things About Me.

1. I, like Momma Bee, also have some serious social anxiety. I wasn't always like this. I was actually an outspoken and outgoing young lady, but after hooking up with DH, I've become more and more of a turtle in social situations. I avoid them whenever possible, and don't have any desire to go out and "make friends" even though all of my IRL friends have moved on (different stages in life).

2. I have to have one of the most perverted senses of humor. It's probably because my father started telling me dirty jokes when I was in 5th grade, but I can turn just about anything said into something "dirty." And often find myself giggling at the most inopportune times because of this.

3. I have this weird counting thing I do. I must have OCD... I count Maggie's cups when I'm filling them, count out in my head (as in 1, 2, 3...) the scoops, count the number of times I pump the soap dispenser when washing my hands at work, even the number of tissues I grab. No particular reason why, I just do.

4. I am still afraid of the dark. Maggie has *mostly* cured me of that because of the night wakings early on, but I still get creeped out when I get up in the middle of the night and walk through the dark apartment, or go out to my car in an unlit area.

5. Kind of connected with 4, I believe in ghosts - but don't ever want to come across one. I've actually said silent prayers while driving at night on backroads to *not* see any ghosts as I don't want to open that door.

6. I almost never burp. Most people do, but I probably do only a few times a year. It's always weird (and gross!) to me when I do.

Is there anyone left for me to tag?

I'm tagging Kat and Kether!

BTW, where did the last 10 days go? I didn't realize it had been so long since my last post!!!

Check This Out!

2 posts in one day! LOL!

The big guys at work have blocked most everything these days. I can understand... I'm sure the infinite web access affected my productivity. It's just too much temptation to resist! Fortunately, my private group has escaped the gun, but just about everything else brings up a lovely "FORBIDDEN" screen that scares the heck out of you the first couple of times you see it! Including my email. :( Darn them expecting me to WORK at work!

I have a lot going on right now. I really did take on too much at one time though, hence why some things are sliding already. I believe it was about 2 weeks ago that I did the big *life* revamp. Got all excited about consolidating my credit card bills, started exercising, and tried to eat better.... Well, the consolidation was nothing to be excited about. Even though the loan manager didn't tell me in advance, they only consolidated 3 of my 5 credit cards, for a total of only half of the 2 remaining cards. :-/ I was less-than-thrilled when I discovered this on the big paper-signing day. And the manager wasn't available when I was there signing the papers, so I didn't even find out why she was so sure in the beginning that we could do all of it, and then it ended up falling short to only 1/3 of what I originally asked for. Paying things off has lost the luster it had 2 weeks ago.

Then the exercising...that went great at first. I got one last day of skiing in, walked for 3 days in a row, and then went on a bike ride.... But then Brian accidentally drove the bike rack off of my Blazer, putting us out of commission for a few days. The weather turned for the worse. And Maggie got sick.

Maggie getting sick also killed the eating better thing... I'm a stress eater and when I'm stressed, I eat whatever I feel like for comfort at the time, whether or not it's healthy. I didn't go crazy overboard, but I could have definitely eaten a lot better. I guess during all the screaming, and pooing, and washing poo off of everything, I decided that I might as well have some small pleasure...and that was found in food.

But you know what? I could be a lot more down about it, but I'm not. The sun has been shining, it was warm today, and at least I have food on my table (albeit not low-fat food, but good-tasting nonetheless). Maggie seems to really know who I am these days and when she's in a good mood, there's nothing better than her laughter and hugs. Or watching her studiously inspect new objects like she's memorizing every facet of them. Her discovery of the world is like discovering it all over again myself. When things go well with her, they go very well for me because of her. And I'm grateful for that.

Thanks to my sistas for sticking around and checking up on me! I will do my best not to be so much of a stranger!

MIA no more

Sorry to have disappeared without a trace! We are still here, though... Just been too busy to get on here!

Margaret now has 4 teeth: 2 top, 2 bottom, all in the front. It looks like her top left eye tooth will be coming in during the next couple of weeks - fun! She just got over a nasty bout of runny tummy that, for a short while, I started to wonder if it was rotovirus. Even if it was not, it is not something I ever want to go through again. She was miserable, my laundry quadrupled, and I missed a lot of work during a crucial time of year. I'm wondering how much longer that will go on before they try to reprimand me for missed time. I haven't made it through a single month since returning to work without taking at least 1 sick day because of Margaret.

I'm feeling much better about life. Must be the arrival of spring. Warm weather and sunshine do much for the soul, and I can see the difference in my outlook. It also helps that ski season is now over so I have a lot more help from Brian. Margaret is enjoying the time with him and I'm enjoying regaining my sanity.

I wish I had time for more of an update, but it's time to get Maggie ready for school. I wish all my friends in blogger-land well, and I miss you! There really needs to be about 3 more hours in every day!!

Same Old, Same Old.

Feelings, that is. Over the weekend, I had a resurgance (or would that be re-emergence?) of what I was feeling before vacation. Brian's been away a lot again, and Maggie was extremely cranky, which seems to be the golden combination for making me feel like crap about myself and everything else. Brian and I did discuss it, but I don't know if anything will change. We do need to spend more time together though. Much of the little time we have together is spent on opposite sides of the living room, typing away on our notebook computers and not talking. Sure, Brian isn't a social guy and rarely has much to say...but this is no way for a couple to spend all their time together. Of course, the sacrifice is even more of my precious little internet time. But I lived without the internet for over half my life. I think I can spare a little of it for the sake of my marriage and a healthy relationship.

Margaret continues to amaze me. She's starting to dance a bit. She sings in the car (although who the heck knows what she's actually saying!). She's cruising. She takes her burp cloth and acts like she's cleaning (is this a sign that mommy isn't cleaning enough? ;) ). She's more independent, amusing herself for much of the day (as long as she's in a mood to do so, that is). She is exclusively drinking from Nuby sippy cups now - no more bottles! We're also venturing more into "real" food. She had her first taste of couscous yesterday. And freeze-dried bananas and mangoes last week. This results in more work for me. It's certainly easier to dish out a meal from a jar than to plan out and make "real" food for a pint-sized meal. But it's worth it. The goal is to be off of jar food by her first birthday, and with a little over 3 months to work on it, I don't think that's unrealistic.

Our plan was to start TTC again this summer. I have mixed feelings on this, though. Now that I've gotten past my baby fever of this past winter, I'm thinking more logically. Another baby means stretching our tight budget even tighter. It also means that we probably would not be able to send Margaret to a Montessori school, which is high on my list of priorities for her future. And if Margaret drives me crazy all by herself, how will I handle a toddler and an infant? Brian sometimes thinks I'm crazy to want 2 babies so close in age...but is also eager to start trying for a son and doesn't want our children to be too far apart in age either. It's a huge list of contradicting emotions and thoughts, and I'm really not sure what we will do once summer comes. I do want more children. I'm not sure if the time is right, though, now that I can look at it with a clear head. To further complicate the matter, however, is my medical condition, which is always at the back of my mind. The clock is ticking, and with PCOS, my fertile period may be much shorter than most. My endocrinologist also wants to put me on Lipitor within the next year to year and a half due to my family history of cholesterol issues (and the fact that mine rose significantly during my pregnancy with Margaret). I can't be on this drug if I'm TTC or pregnant, and I really should be done having my family once I go on it... So that's another consideration. (Sound familiar? I know I've listed all this off before... but it's on my mind again.) I have no idea what I should do. Do I even want to venture into the TTC world again, knowing that it's possible to miscarry again? Another thought...

Fortunately, Margaret is keeping me busy enough to not have to think about it too much right now. But I can't keep putting it off, and decisions will need to be made. Soon.

Still Alive!

Just amazingly busy!

Antigua was unbelievable! I never understood before why anyone would want to go to a hot place and hang out at the beach. The problem is, my experience was with the crowded public beaches in New England, where there's barely any breathing room, the water's probably not too clean, and the sand is pretty rocky. You feel like herded cattle at the beaches here. Even though the beach was public where we stayed in Antigua, it was totally different. Cool breeze to make sure you didn't get too hot in the 80 degree heat. No crowds. Nice sunshades with chairs. Beautiful turqoise water and white soft, sandy beaches. It was pure bliss! I think Brian has lost me as a skiing partner... all I can think of is when we can escape again to another Caribbean destination.

This was us on the beach in front of Sandals after my SIL's wedding (don't get me started on Sandals, though!!):
picture 1

Maggie on the beach at sunset:
picture 2

Maggie after she feasted on the sand (yuck! And she just kept doing it!):
picture 3

And me, snorkeling:
picture 4

Since our return, Maggie and I have both been sick. Her cough is back, and I have another sinus infection. UGH! When will it end?

So the most exciting thing to happen lately is that my tax refund came today so I was able to order my new vacuum: a Dyson DC15 Total Clean. When the landlord had work done on the hallway, the workers ruined my other vacuum. I've been stuck with a Swiffer Sweep and Vac ever since (which, sadly, actually does a better job than my old vac anyway on the hard floors we have). I'm hoping the Dyson will live up to its hype.