Sickness Invades Our Home

I know I'm next. I just know it. Maggie and Ethan came down with a cold over the weekend and it's creeping into Brian. I know I'm next. And I'm terrified of having to care for an infant and toddler with a cold. I can hardly manage myself when ill - I have no idea how I'll deal with an infant who wants to nurse every hour and a toddler who screams demands at me all day long. And yet, I can tell it's coming. Even if I didn't feel it, it would only be a matter of time. One cannot remain healthy on only 4-5 hours of sleep at night, every night.

Sleep is getting better though. Ethan and I are mostly sleeping through most feedings. Co-sleeping has been a huge help there. Without having to get out of bed or even sit upright, it only takes a few seconds to get things going and then we both end up zonking back out fairly quickly. Yay for co-sleeping!

Ethan is growing by leaps and bounds! He's now consistently turning over from belly to back. He's doing some sort of weird army crawl where he gets up on his toes, buries his head down, and pushes himself forward. He's getting around well like this, though he can't see where he's headed. Last night he was cruising around the bed like this. I didn't know if I should laugh for the comical way he does it, or cry that he's now mobile. He can't even sit on his own, yet he's trying to get around by himself. Where has the time gone?

By the way, notice anything different? I grew weary of my old title for my blog. I can't seem to settle on a new one, though. Everything I think of has already been used. So it may change a bit until I decide upon a new name...

The Nurse-In Nobody Attended

We're still struggling with sanity here. Screaming baby, no sleep, and cranky toddler do not add up to a happy mommy. But I've been trying to get out more and it helps.

Today was a nurse-in at a local toy store. Apparently, the manager of this toy store harassed the friend of a local woman for breastfeeding in the store. The woman eventually bullied the nursing mom to finish in the back room. In the state of Connecticut, this is illegal (nevermind the fact that it's just plain wrong to interfere with a woman feeding her child). So a woman on a local Yahoo! Group half-heartedly organized a nurse-in today. I spread the word to my friends and 2 of them met me there...where nobody else was. We went off to get beverages to give people time in case they were running late. Sadly, nobody was there when we returned. So we set up on our own outside the store; 3 moms, 3 infants, 2 toddlers, and a few signs explaining the laws in our state. The braver of my friends spoke to a few passers-by and told them why we were there. Me: I was happy to be there but very nervous. I usually am very discrete when I nurse in public (NIP) and try not to make a big deal out of it. This was a big step for me!

In the end, another mama came out of the store about a half hour later and told us she had been nursing inside without any problems. A 5th mama joined us as we went inside to explain why we were there and inform the staff of the laws... upon which we learned that the manager in question is no longer employed there. The new manager and staff were, happily, supportive and understanding.

I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. On the one hand, I'm now wondering about the validity of the original poster's message on the Yahoo! Group. I don't know her personally and I certainly don't know the person who was harassed. It doesn't help that the "organizer" didn't show up, nor did she post why she wasn't there. On the other hand, we did get the word out to a few people and it's nice to hear that the shop won't be bullying nursing moms now (especially since they have the best learning toys in there!).

I'm not one to be loud and proud usually. But this is an important issue... and it's funny because my more vocal friend is so bitten by the bug that she wants to have a HUGE nurse-in at the Big E (Massachusetts does not currently have laws protecting the rights of nursing mothers and many have been harassed at the Big E for not nursing behind curtains at the "special" nursing area). I think it's a great idea... but then I wonder. I used to be bothered by women who would be so "in your face" about nursing. I never opposed it, just never saw the reason to be so vocal about it. Now I'm becoming one of those women, considering every NIP an opportunity to educate the public and make breastfeeding a common-place occurrence again. Perhaps by doing it often, it makes breastfeeding more "normal" instead of allowing others to view it as a sexual or taboo thing. And I have the wonderful opportunity to help with that, something I wasn't able to do with Maggie. It's like a chance to redeem myself.

Or maybe I'm just putting too much thought into it.

Mommyhood: The Hardest Job You'll Ever Have

The last month has been hell. Nursing strikes. Thrush. No sleep. Toddler tantrums. The list goes on and on... Which got me thinking...

Motherhood is the hardest job I'll ever have. And the only one I can't quit. I get no vacation days, no sick days, no personal time (no personal space!!), no pay (though hubby begs to differ, which I then add I am not paid what I'm worth), nobody to delegate to most of the time, no lunch break, and all this on 4 hrs of sleep a night. I feel like crud as it is ever since Ethan stopped sleeping well (he used to go 5 hrs-feed-3 hrs-feed-2 hrs-up for the day, now he goes no more than 2 hrs between feedings overnight). But add to it nursing strikes, general inconsolableness (is that a word?), Maggie wrecking the house and throwing tantrums, and I'm ready to stick my head in the oven. Not literally, but it really does wear on one. And when this is day in, day out, no rest... I start to think about how nice it would be to have only 1 (or no) kid and how I would get a full night of sleep, I could eat right, I could actually clean the house and keep up with the dishes... you get the idea.

I feel like a traitor thinking this way. Moms are supposed to be martyrs. We're supposed to give our all without complaint because that's what moms do. But I have to be honest, after spending 3 hrs this afternoon when I *thought* I would get a nap trying to console a screaming 3-month-old who wouldn't nurse, wouldn't sleep, and didn't want to do anything else, all I could think was "I want to quit!!!!"

But I can't. And I really don't want to. I just want my children to be happy. Happy kids=happy mommy! Unfortunately, it's not adding up to that these days.

And now I have guilt. This afternoon in an attempt to feed my child when he was screaming for it but wouldn't nurse, instead of taking 10 minutes to thaw a bottle of breastmilk, I made 3 oz of formula from the free stuff you get in the mail. I should have given it away as it's become too much temptation. 14 weeks of exclusive breastfeeding through some of the worst, and I gave in today. 3 oz of formula killed my streak. And now all I can do is think about how nice it would be to not nurse anymore as we've never had that ooey-gooey, oh-so-beautiful nursing relationship that so many others have. But we can't afford formula so I must continue... even if it drives me crazy...